'AITA for making an autistic teen gave back my son's toy on the playground?'

"AITA for insisting an autistic teen gave back my son's toy?"

I (32F) took my 3 year old son to the park today, he usually takes a little toy with him as he loves to push them on the swings or down the slide and make up stories with them.

I have had an age appropriate chat about taking care of his belongings so they don’t get lost and he’s generally very good at that but at the end of the day he is only three. He left his toy (a small stuffed animal for reference, not of any great sentimental value but he still loves it) on the swings after running back over to me for a drink.

When he came back the toy was gone and he was immediately upset. I came over to see what was wrong and helped him to look for the toy, I assumed maybe it had fallen off the swings after he left them. We were the only ones in the park at this point apart from an older man sat on the bench with a boy in his late teens. I ask the man if he’s seen my son’s toy and he shook his head but gave an almost guilty look.

I shrugged it off, thanked him and kept looking. By this time we really needed to be leaving and my son was obviously upset about not finding his toy. I tell him that maybe someone might find the toy and hand it in to the nearby community centre so we can come back tomorrow and ask them.

I got our things packed up and took my son’s hand ready to leave when I notice the teenager had a toy in his hand that looked exactly like the one my son had just lost. It might be a coincidence sure but my mind goes back to the slightly guilty look on the older man’s face. The man catches me staring and gives another guilty look, so I decide to approach them.

“Hey, my son lost a toy round here today that looks just like that one” I open with and the older man’s face immediately turns. “That’s his, he brought it from home” he immediately insists, clearly hoping I’ll just drop the subject but then I notice the pen marks my son had left on the toys label and it is very clear that this is his.

“I’m sorry, I really think that’s my sons. He left it on the swing for a few minutes and nobody else was around. Can we have it back?” The man refuses and the boy starts to have a meltdown. It’s at this point a woman comes over, clearly the teen boys son. She sees me looking cross and her son in meltdown and comes up to me.

“Look, he’s autistic and he doesn’t understand that the toy isn’t his. Can’t he just keep it?” She asks. I shake my head, at this point my own son is upset by the loud noises and confused why he can’t have his toy back. I insist that we get the toy back and both adults still refused, the mother is even offering to pay for a ‘new’ one but it’s a matter of principles at this point.

I explain that look I get that this boy has autism and didn’t know what he was doing was wrong but he can’t just keep something that doesn’t belong to him so that he won’t be upset. My son is upset that his toy is gone. The mother takes the toy from him but at this point the boy is screaming his head off and thrashing around, hitting his mother and the older man.

I pass the toy back to my son but the boy makes a grab for it, I have to quickly pick my son up and move away whilst the mother barely manages to hold him back. She tries one last plea for him to keep the toy but I reiterate that autism or not he can’t just keep something that isn’t his. I quickly took my son out of the park, he now hasn’t wanted to go back to that park since and won’t let his favourite toys out of his sight.

So, AITAH for insisting that my son got his toy back? I feel bad as I know the autistic teen probably couldn’t help it but I still don’t think it was fair that his mother and presumably grandfather wanted to let him keep the toy to avoid him being upset.

This is what people had to say to OP:

InfiniteWelder513 said:

NTA. The autistic boy may not know what he did was wrong but the two adults with him sure did and they had no right to your child’s possessions that’s not how the world works

BehaviourTrainer said:

NTA - You said it yourself; autisim or not, he doesn't get to just steal things from other people. Period. And his parents definitely knew better. They just didn't want to have to actually deal with their own child.

DriftingHermit said:

NTA while I sympathize with the boy's parents and their struggles they're not entitled to other people's property

And Ecstatic_Butterfly43 said:

i have FOUR autistic children and only the youngest (under 2yrs) doesn’t understand taking things that don’t belong to them. autism is not an excuse to not teach your kids right from wrong, it just means it might take extra work to make them understand. NTA.