'AITA for insisting on leaving at 1 PM before a 6-hour drive despite my aunt’s pressure?' UPDATED

"AITA for insisting on leaving at 1 PM before a 6-hour drive despite my aunt’s pressure?"

Tomorrow I’m supposed to drive my two cousins, 23 and 24, to visit family. We’re using my car because one cousin doesn’t have a license and the other’s isn’t registered. I’m the only one insured, so I’m the only legal driver. I work overnight and get off at 7:30 AM.

I told my cousins we needed to leave around 1 PM so I could get a few hours of sleep before driving six hours. They weren’t thrilled and even suggested my cousin drive my car while I slept, even though she isn’t insured. It took me putting my foot down for them to agree. Then my aunt started messaging me privately.

She said, “Hey you guys need to leave sooner than 1 so u have daylight it might snow.” I said, “No. That’s my boundary. I need sleep.” She replied, “Don’t tell me no.” I said, “If not they can leave without me and my car.” She kept pushing, asking, “Why are you so crabby?” and telling me, “If you go to bed early you don’t have to worry about that honey you don’t have to be crabby at me now stop.”

I explained I work overnight and need at least four hours of sleep before driving. Later she sent a long message saying she didn’t mean to make me mad, that I shouldn’t be “snotty,” and that she just wanted to know why we were leaving at 1.

At one point I joked, “I forgot I don’t know how to drive after the sun goes down 😂 oops 😂,” because she kept framing it around daylight instead of my exhaustion. The weird part is this conversation was originally just with my cousins, and suddenly my aunt is messaging me directly.

It feels like they were talking about me behind my back. No one has acknowledged that I’m trying to be responsible. I’m not refusing to go or being difficult. I just want to be rested and safe before driving six hours. Her constant switching of reasons, guilt-tripping, and framing me as “crabby” feels manipulative. AITA for standing my ground about leaving at 1 PM?

Edit: A lot of people are pointing out that even with 4 hours of sleep, the drive still isn’t safe. That honestly has me thinking.

I want to see my family out of state, but I don’t want to put myself or anyone else in danger just because other people don’t like my schedule. I also feel really hurt that my boundaries weren’t respected and that my aunt inserted herself like this. Would it be dramatic to just say “never mind, I’m not driving."

Here's what people had to say in response:

counther wrote:

Maybe you should as her why she thinks it's a good idea for her kids to be driven 6 hours by a driver who's sleep-deprived? I actually think 4 hours of sleep isn't enough for that drive.

OP responded:

My aunt doesn’t have a car or a license, so she can’t drive them. Which makes it even more frustrating.

LucyDominique2 wrote:

NTA and time for them to find a bus or a train.

OP responded:

Yes, this EXACTLY.

MeowM30ws wrote:

NTA and the MOMENT your aunt texted, "Don't tell me No", I saw red. I would have been done. Don't tell her no because she doesn't take no for an answer. She'll manipulate you until she gets her way. That's fine. Then she can drive them in her car- oh wait!

You are not being crabby or unreasonable. You want to be safe and smart. They are what you call a "Choosy Beggar," asking for a favor and then being unreasonable or complaining even though they're getting what they want!!! IDC that they're family, they're being TA. Good on you for standing your ground. I hope you have a VERY safe and well rested trip without any more BS.

OP responded:

Yes, that is exactly why it felt off to me from the beginning. The moment she said “Don’t tell me no” and started framing me as crabby, it stopped being about safety or logistics and started feeling like control. The reasoning kept switching from daylight to snow to respect to my attitude, and it made the whole situation feel manipulative, even though I was already compromising and trying to be responsible.

BigTuna3737 wrote:

NTA, and I think you need more sleep than that before a long drive. But, if you are in the US, then occasional other drivers are generally covered by your insurance on your car. You might not want your cousin to drive it, but the insurance should not be an issue.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: Talking things out helped more than I expected. I decided to be honest with my cousins about how stressed and hurt I felt. I explained that I am the only person insured to drive my car. I also told them that being called crabby, pissy, or snotty for holding a basic safety boundary really bothered me. My cousin without a license responded kindly and said they were fine leaving whenever I needed.

She told me they were not trying to gang up on me and that their mom just says things to say them. She said they love me and just want me to be rested and safe. That honestly helped a lot. I also shared that I checked with my insurance and confirmed that if anything happened while someone else drove my car, I would still be liable.

They understood. Then my other cousin, the one with a license, said she got her car fixed and registered and that she can drive instead. She said she would love to drive us. Now I feel a bit guilty, even though I know I was only trying to stay safe. I think I might be overthinking, but the whole situation suddenly feels a little strange again.

Here's what people had to say in response to the update:

MsDonnaE wrote:

I used to work in a graveyard position that had me driving exhausted, a lot. The last night I worked, I nearly wrecked my car twice. The second I got home after finishing my last building, I called and quit.

One thing to injure myself, or my property. I couldn’t mentally handle the risk of a deadly accident. Wouldn’t have been able to survive if I had injured someone else. 16-18 hour days were too much, and I knew I was running out of warnings with each near-miss. So that was that. Driving exhausted scared the absolute crap out of me. I’ve never worked graveyard/nights since.

Certain_Candidate248 wrote:

The magic of communicating directly with those affected is amazing. Take the offer for the cousin to drive. Pitch in for gas and thank them. Try to have fun with it as well. Well handled.

mountainman84 wrote:

NTA. I’m a night shifter and regularly do dumb crap because my family doesn’t understand I’m not on normal people hours. I stayed up 32 hours to go with my mom to see my uncle out of state for thanksgiving when I got off of work.

I don’t know what else to do, though. Nobody accommodates night shifters. I mean my mom will meet me halfway most of the time but any kind of plans with family always end up with me losing sleep and having to switch to their schedule.

Then I have to get back on my normal sleep schedule in time to go back to work. The alternative is basically I stick to my guns but then I’d pretty much never see anybody. Sleep is important, though. I even broke up with a chick I was seeing because she would show up to my place during the day and bang on the door and call me until I’d wake up.

She thought it was reasonable because I was off work during the day therefore I must be available, right? I asked her what she would do if I showed up at her place at 2AM and woke her ass up. She just stared at me. Anyway, the normies don’t get it. Try to frame it in a way that they can but even then it isn’t guaranteed they will.

The majority of the world goes to sleep at night and wakes up in the morning. They lack awareness that there are people still awake at night who keep the world running. We also need sleep which just happens to be during the day. It isn’t rocket science. 4 hours of sleep isn’t enough. Refusing to sacrifice sleep isn’t crabby or snotty.

Randomcoffeethoughts wrote:

You know what? It worked out perfectly. Wondering why your cousin didn't initially get their car fixed and registered, but now they can leave earlier and if you go with them, you can sleep in the car or drive separately and meet them when you get there.