"AITA insisting my ex-wife adhere to the schedule that she picked?"

I have two kids that I have 50/50 custody of with my ex wife. Every summer break we have a different schedule as compared to the rest of the year. Usually come up with it a month or two in advance, for the entire summer break.

She wrote out the schedule on a calendar and sent it to me. I suggested one minor change, but never got a response. Which is typical. I often have to ask questions multiple times in our group chat( both parents and both stepparents), as they typically get ignored.

It was never mentioned again, so I dropped it, as I thought she probably wanted them for first day of school, as it is technically her turn. I was fine with that.

I messaged yesterday, asking when she was planning on coming to pick them up Monday evening or Tuesday morning next week, and short version is we are now into a full-on fight because she's demanding that I take them to school on Wednesday when that was never decided on. She put it in the schedule as Monday, which typically would mean either Monday evening or Tuesday morning.

Normally, my partner and I gladly accommodate her when she asks for some extra time with them, or if she needs to drop them off early. We've done that for her multiple times this summer alone. But we made plans for next week, based on the agreed-upon schedule. And I'm holding her to that. So now, she's acting like IATA for simply holding her to the schedule that she agreed to.

Typical behavior from her. She demands something of me, and the odd time that I give push back for whatever reason, whether it be I just simply cannot accommodate her in that case, or I say no because as usual she's freaking rude about it and doesn't even pretend to ask nicely, or combination of both... she loses her mind.

I've lost track of how many times I've just acquiesced, even though I know I was 100% correct about something, simply because I didn't want to fight. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Careless-Run-3815 said:

Start documenting EVERYTHING. And use a co-parent app

OP responded:

I do....Everything is searchable in our text or email history, and I screenshot stuff when she goes "off the rails" , in case I need to use it later.

As for the app, that'll never happen. Dont need it, everything is searchable in the text/email history, and im not signing up for another service i dont need. Also, she has been demanding it for years, and I said no, as it would be a waste as she never sticks to her commitments/rules she makes up/etc anyway

grayblue_grrl said:

Your best bet is to NEVER waiver from the schedule. Ever. IF you give and give and she shits on you at every opportunity - stop giving.
Stick to the schedule. There can be no arguments if the schedule is the schedule. NTA...

Shaz1307 said:

NTA. Just reply with “I’ll be dropping them back to you on Monday evening as agreed upon on X date”

She may learn to actually answer a question when it’s asked in future.

OP responded:

I said a variation of "when would you like to pick them up? Monday evening or Tuesday before 930am?" Repeatedly . And made it clear that I wasn't budging / I was holding her to what she agreed to. I didn't say it, but it was mostly simply because I just really can't this time( without it causing too many other problems).

Pick up/transfer is generally the responsibility of the parent who's time is starting, but does change frequently (to be fair). In reality it does work out with our schedule though, that i drop off/pick up about 75% of the time, maybe higher...that's OK though, it works for now.

Luckily, this afternoon they finally realized that they were not going to win this, and relented, for some reason she's having her mother pick them up🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️. It's probably would be too much to hope that they also realize that I wasn't wrong/a jerk / being rude. I don't have to accommodate them every time, I do when I can, but simply couldn't this time, any other thoughts/reasoning. Is secondary.

Old_Moment7876 said:

I'm going to guess that she was like this even when you were married. If so, at least she is consistent. Regardless, you are not TA here. I would document every time you accommodate her (and vice versa) on the chance that you have to go to the court for help.

OP responded:

I do. As far as being like that when we were married, that's part of the reason why I ended things. I got tired of everything being her way all the time, she would refuse to compromise or see reason/ look at things logically, and nothing I ever did was ever good enough

Ok_Stable7501 said:

NTA. Congratulations on the divorce, sounds like a solid decision. But never assume no answer is a response. If she doesn’t reply in 24 hours, tell her you expect a response in the parenting app within 24 hours. If she still doesn’t respond, text that you consider her lack of response and agreement to … whatever.

And OP responded:

Oh it's all in it group text with all four parents,( us and our partners).. 24-hour rule thing she instituted that rule a couple years ago but they never followed it herself... she has done this on multiple occasions. Set a new co-parenting rule or whatever you want to call it , and doesn't follow it herself . so I gave up on it eventually.

She has specifically said, no response is a response. WTF? I don't even know what thats supposed to mean. No response is yes? No response is no? And if no response is yes, then she could claim later that she never got the message and never agreed to something.

As I've taken it in the past , as no response is agreeing to what I said, and other situations no response as a no, and she still gets upset either way. So I've taken no response as a no more often than not, because it's a safer bet for me.. Cya , ya know?