Man insists on watching his wife give birth; 'She doesn't want me in the room.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for wanting to see my wife give birth to our daughter instead of being grossed out?"

Me (24m) and my wife (27f) have been married since mid 2023. She's pregnant with our 1st child. Her due date is tomorrow. Throughout her pregnancy until the weekend before last, she has been vague about her not wanting to be in the delivery room. She wants her sister (31f) in there.

With the last few months, I have watched videos of women giving birth. It doesn't weird me out. It seems nice to see, the beginning of life. So with that, the weekend before last, I asked my wife if she's sure that she doesn't want me in the delivery room.

She got upset with me. She said it's being to be embarrassing for her. That she's going to poop on the table, people will see her body, and that she'll be sweating. She said she's doing me a favor by not letting me see all that.

She said I'm either lying that I want to see all that or I'm some kind of sick freak. She said no normal husband really wants to see the birthing process. That normal husbands want to see their baby and wife after both get cleaned up.

I took no as an answer, but she's still upset that I even asked. I know she's sensitive about her pregnancy weight gain, and her pregnancy looks in general. I'm new to this, so I don't know. Do fathers usually want to see the birthing process ? Am I a sick freak that I legitimately want to see ? Was I weird for asking to see ? Am I the asshole ?

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top comments and responses from OP:

Commenter 1: NTA. You’re not sick for wanting to see, I think she just took it the wrong way. She is just going through an emotional rollercoaster with all the hormones and body image issues. The way in which she has addressed you is not ok but I just don’t think now is the time to talk about it.

I would respect her decision to not look if she’s not happy about it, but when things have calmed down perhaps try and speak to her, affirm her and let her know that you love her no matter what, and how she looks. That will hopefully make her feel better!

OOP: I've definitely respected her decision not to see the birth. That's water under the bridge. Maybe after the birth, she believes me when I tell her that I think she looks beautiful. She accuses me of being a liar when I do that.

OOP on asking if his wife would let him be at her head to help support her

OOP: I've already asked if I can be just by her head. She said no to that too. Hopefully, it's just insecurity.

Commenter 2: Nah. It’s really difficult for some women to lose control over their bodies and privacy. You are obviously a thoughtful husband and certainly not an asshole and while sick freak was a bit over the top, she’s under a lot of stress right now.

OOP: I think she looks more beautiful now than she did before. I have never told her that because I don't think she'll believe me. She doesn't believe me when I just simply tell her that I think she looks beautiful.

She has definitely lost control over her body during all of this. She has pregnancy acne and a pregnancy nose. She gained over 40 pounds. She's gassy. I feel bad that she thinks she's ugly and gross. I know women are under a lot of pressure by the media to look a certain way.

I will not pressure her. I will try my best to avoid adding stress to her. She's so close to doing one of the most stressful thing a human being can do. She doesn't need to worry about anything else.

I want her to know that I love her, I appreciate her, I'll support her, and I think she's beautiful as she is. Maybe my wife needs therapy. Maybe I need to try harder. Whatever it takes, I'll be there for her.

OOP being cautious about the possibility on his wife might needing to see a therapist and watch out for PPD

OOP: Maybe she needs to see a therapist. I don't know how to help her feel better.

I will be on guard for PPD.

OOP on telling his wife about being beautiful

OOP: I can try after she delivers our daughter. If my wife hasn't believed my compliments the past few months, I wouldn't expect her to believe me on the day before her due date.

Update:

This is one of the happiest updates in Reddit history. Me (24m) and my sister-in-law (31f) were alerted when my wife (27f) had appearantly felt some pain. My wife was so sure that she wasn't in labor but me and SIL were cautiously optimistic. We promised my wife that if it was a false alarm, we would buy her cheesecake.

At the hospital, my wife talked to her favorite doctor (42f). My wife seemed so shocked when doc said it was labor. My wife actually wanted both me and her sister to be with her.

The labor and birth were smoother than even my most hopeful mental image of how this would be. It was fast, and there were no complications. It seems like our daughter was determined to come out before the due date. My wife allowed both me and SIL to help. I saw everything.

I saw our daughter for the 1st time. This tiny wrinkled weird-looking thing is beautiful. My wife looked so happy. It felt like me and her were us again. I told her how beautiful, wonderful, strong, brave, and motherly she was. She actually accepted that compliment. She decided to name our daughter after her sister.

Despite how smooth and amazing the labor and birth were, I will still look out for PPD. I will still encourage my wife to see therapy given how intense her body image issues were from month 3 of pregnancy. I hope she will accept couples counseling. I do understand that her intense happiness at the birth doesn't mean she'll continue to be this happy.

This was the most love I ever felt for her. What she did was amazing. I'm so glad that she had actually trust me to see that. I love our daughter so much, more than I thought I could love anyone. My wife is now 2nd place but obviously I still love her very much. I couldn't ask for more.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: This is great news! You're NTA. Enjoy this special time with your family.

OOP: Thank you. I was scared that she wouldn't enjoy the birth but she was so happy.

Commenter 2: Congrats! Now go get that cheesecake—she earned it, and so did you.

OOP: She'll definitely get cheesecake.