Insomniac asks if she'd be wrong to skip her sister's wedding to sleep; Updated.

Accidentally sleeping through an important event because your alarm didn't go off is one thing, but what happens when you intend to schedule a snooze?

So, when a frustrated insomniac decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she'd be wrong to skip her sister's wedding events to accommodate her sleep schedule, people were ready to weigh in.

AITA for not wanting to go to my (26F) sister's (29F) wedding because of my insomnia?

My sister (let's call her Hanna) isn't speaking to me right now because I RSVP'd No to her wedding in January. My mom wants me to change my RSVP but honestly the wedding isn't going to be possible for me to attend and based on how my sister is acting I don't want to go anymore.

Ever since I hit puberty I've had really really (really really really) bad insomnia. I usually go to bed around 6am, 7am, and wake up around 1pm, 2pm.

I've tried to change my sleep style and I just can't, it's like dealing with international jet lag. Hanna knows this, but always 'forgets' and tries to wake me up for family things whenever she visits home and I have to lock my bedroom door and really work to keep her out.

When I got the invitation for Hanna's wedding I was super excited for her, because she has always wanted a big wedding, and it looks like she is going to get it, and that might not be what I want/would want, but she does and that is exciting, and I can aknowledge that.

But then I saw the timeline and there's a wedding brunch at 10am, the ceremony is at noon, and then there's an afternoon party. I asked Hanna if I could just come to the afternoon party (since I will be sleeping at 10am) and she got furious and started yelling over the phone about how since I'm her sister, I need to be there for the ceremony.

I laughed and told her there was no way I could be there on time, because it would basically be like trying to get someone on a 9-5 work schedule to attend an event at 2am. I probably shouldn't have laughed but it just felt so ridiculous.

If she wanted me to be there for the whole thing, she needed to plan for a time when I could actually attend.

I work a full time job as a freelancer, just not normal hours because of my insomnia, so it really bugs me when people act like my time is worth less than theirs.

But now wedding preparations are happening at the house (the brunch is going to be here) and my mom is really upset with me for not coming to the wedding. She wants me to apologize to Hanna and be one of her bridesmaids.

Hanna isn't speaking to me at all but she is speaking to our mom so maybe that is what she also wants, but I just feel like she owes me the apology, not the other way around?

But I might be wrong because this is the first big fancy wedding in our family and maybe I need to suck it up because it's a tradition to have a morning breakfast or something. AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:

DangerLime113 said:

YTA, for expecting events to be planned around you, for LAUGHING, and for not caring enough about her wedding to consider talking to a doctor for help. If this happened in puberty, how did you attend high school?

Wrong-Construction40 said:

YTA I have a delayed circadian rythem, and it can suck- but I don't expect people to plan their weddings in the afternoon so I don't have to wake up early for one day. People with diurnal scheduals will adjust those sleep scheduals for specific events, we nocturnal folks can too.

Key-Bit1208 said:

YTA for laughing at your sister and expecting her to plan HER wedding around your chosen sleep schedule. People who work second and third shifts frequently have to plan ahead and adjust their schedules in order to attend family events or trips. It’s not easy but it’s definitely doable.

Go to your doctor and start planning on how you can best change (temporarily) your sleep schedule so that you can be a part of your sister’s wedding. If you don’t, be prepared to face a lifetime of resentment or LC/NC as you continually miss family milestone events.

bookynerdworm said:

YTA. Sleep disorders aren't automatically insomnia and since you can sleep for 6-8 hours straight that doesn't sound like insomnia at all. You have time to try and adjust your schedule between now and the wedding. Also go see an actual specialist about this and not just your primary care physician.

jrm1102 said:

YTA - youre incredibly selfish. You want your sister to change her wedding for your abnormal sleep cycle.

imothro said:

YTA. I also have a sleep disorder but I work around it to make sure I support the people that I care about. It's one day. Stay up the whole night and get there on time.

poeadam said:

YTA. You don’t have insomnia. You just like sleep at a different time than most people. You can adjust for one day.

PsilosirenRose said:

YTA. I'm a night owl too, but special events are SPECIAL EVENTS. Your sister's wedding doesn't happen on your schedule.

Like, normally I get annoyed when day walkers force people in to their schedules and judge them for it, but this is HER WEDDING and noon is not an unreasonable time for a single day event.

Maybe don't be a bridesmaid, but if you've dealt with this your whole life it is a little weird to me you don't have ANY tools in your kit to get to bed earlier if you need to every once in a while.

Based on the unanimously harsh feedback, the post was edited to include:

Okay that was universal. I will apologize to Hanna and ask if I can still attend the wedding. I think it is probably best if I'm not a bridesmaid but I can still put on a dress and show up even if I am tired.

Thank you to everyone that sent in medical tips - I am realizing that I need to get a second opinion that isn't our family doctor, because she is actually kind of dismissive about my sleep issues.

I used to like that because she made my mom calm down and she supported me with a doctors note for online high school but some of you mentioned high blood pressure and delayed sleep phase disorder and I want to talk to someone who is at least willing to investigate that with me.

Then, she provided an update:

I sat down and talked with my mom about the situation with Hanna and it was rough but I think she understands a little better now where I was coming from and is going to help me find a sleep specialist to go to.

I asked her if she thought I should call Hanna directly or if she should talk to her first and she said I should do it so I tried calling but she didn't pick up, so I sent her an apology text.

No response yet but I said sorry for laughing and for acting self-centered and that if she would still have me at the wedding I would be happy to attend but that I probably shouldn't be a bridesmaid but I could do other things at the wedding like pass out stuff and that I just want to make sure she has a good time. I don't know if she will forgive me but I do feel better now that I am trying.

I have also been watching a lot of videos on sleep rhythm disorders and a lot of symtoms in my life make more sense now so SERIOUSLY A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who gave me tips and ideas for what to search and what to ask my new sleep doctor once I find one with my mom.

So, there you have it: the internet can heal! It turns out, some family conflicts don't have to end in strangers from the internet suggesting a no-contact relationship for life.

Good luck at this wedding, everyone. Hopefully there won't be a war on the dance floor or a passive aggressive tipsy speech...