'Introvert' husband thinks buying a house with other people in mind is 'stupid,' AITA? 'This is a dream of mine.'

"AITA? My husband doesn't think having parents to stay should be a house buying consideration..."

I (41F) live with my husband (45M) in a UK seaside holiday destination. We've been looking to move house for a couple of years and I thought we had similar considerations. We spiraled in an argument today over my "dream" of having a house where our extended family could come for beach holidays, even while we're working.

My husband is an introvert who works remotely. I am an ambivert, who can only work from home 1 day a week. So this dream of mine would mean having a house where he could be at work undisturbed by any family who might come to stay. I was thinking garden office or something like that.

We've talked about this sort of thing before but I didn't realize he had a problem with my parents staying. He's said he's fine with either of our siblings and their family staying whenever as they'll be out in the day. But he doesn't want my parents in the house while he's working (his live 5 min away, mine 3.5 hrs).

For context my parents did walk behind him on a video call once (he was in the kitchen instead of his office) and rang the doorbell after I asked them not to when I was on one another time (I had given them a key), so he says he doesn't trust them not to interrupt him. They've never gone out of their way to disturb. The few times I can recall have been accidents.

He says that having a dream where my parents can come to stay whenever they like while he's wfh and I'm out at the office means I'm only happy when he's being made uncomfortable. To be clear they wouldn’t be coming unannounced or anything like that - my example is: there's a heatwave forecast and I can't take the time off but they want to come down to the beach.

The 2 main things we're arguing about and the reason I'm here are: He said buying a house with other people in mind is stupid. I agree, I shouldn't have said it was priority and have apologized.

I clarified that I want us to find a house that's perfect for our needs, and then share it with the people we love. We're fortunate to live in a holiday destination and I'd love to share that good fortune, particularly with my parents while they're still alive (they're in their 70s).

He can't understand why I'd want my parents to stay while I'm out working in the day. That it's not really spending time with them. He thinks my reasoning is irrational and that if I tried to explain to anyone they agree with him. So here goes...

While most of the time I can take days off when my parents visit, they're retired and could visit more often. It's a long drive so them coming for a longer stay less often makes it more worth it for them and less tiring (a week instead of a weekend - not weeks/months).

For me it would give the illusion of them living nearby for a while. I know this part sounds silly, but I like the idea of them being around after work. I'd rather see them all day, but seeing them after work a bit more often would make it feel like they were closer by. So AITA? And how can I approach a compromise?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

DML1993 said:

YTA. He doesn't want your parents staying at the house, majority of people don't enjoy their in-laws staying tbh

tiggirl71 said:

YTA - Just because it was an accident when they interrupted him doesn't make it less of an interruption. As someone that WFH full time, having anyone extra in the house is a disruption.

Go to the kitchen to make lunch? Someone else is there. Try to take a call? Someone walks through. Go grab a cup of coffee? Someone is in the way or wants to chat. They're your parents. They're yours to entertain.

PD_31 said:

So you want your parents to come and stay, you go off to work leaving him with them - and he has to leave his home (go to a garden office) to do his job? Knowing that he's an introvert and doesn't want other people in his home. YTA.

BombshellJamboree said:

YTA. In your plan you get to amble off to your office while your husband has to manage WFH and your boundary stomping parents. Your parents get to show up whenever they want, interrupt his work calls, and your husband is expected to pay for a larger house to fund this.

NiobeTonks said:

YTA. If you’re going to invite your family to stay you need to take the time off work to entertain them.

tekwayyuhself said:

Instead of a "garden office" why don't you invest in a guest house on the property if it's so important to you that people can stay? That way they can stay and he can still have the house to himself YTA. at the end of the day, he's the one who's gonna have to deal with them majority of the time because you're gone at work.

tall-not-small said:

YTA. Use the money to offer to pay for a hotel for them when they visit instead of having to buy a bigger house