'AITA if I invite my ex fiancée’s dad to my wedding? He's meant a lot to me.' UPDATED

"AITA if I invite my ex fiancée’s dad to my wedding?"

I was with my ex fiancée for 5 years. When we were just months into our relationship, I lost my dad in a car accident. He was the only parent I had left since mom passed when I was 12 to breast cancer. My dad was always a good guy and dad, but ever since mom passed he stepped up big time for me. He became the best dad he could even though he was struggling with mom’s death.

He never dated after her because he always said she was the love of his life and that he’d rather pass alone than with someone else. Also, because he heard way too many horror stories about horrible stepmoms and didn’t want anyone interfering in my relationship with him.

So losing him when I was 22 and just graduated college was tough on me, but my then my girlfriend Emily’s family took me in as one of their own. Her younger brothers took me in as one of their own and her parents treated me like a son especially her dad George.

One time a few nights after dad’s funeral, I was over at Emily’s house and I sat at midnight with her dad alone in their porch and I just cried talked about dad and George just listened to me and comforted me. He even hugged me and let me cry on his shoulders telling me it’s gonna be alright and that they’re all there for me.

Ever since that night he treated me like a son completely and even took me out to do stuff just with the two of us alone and he always called me son, he was still a great dad to his kids but I felt he put in more for me to make me feel included and loved which I always loved and appreciated about him.

I even started calling him dad sometimes out of respect and love for him which I knew made him happy and proud by the look in his face whenever I said it, I still loved my dad and will always do but I loved George nearly as much.

I even asked for his permission when I finally decided to propose to his daughter last year of our relationship and he accepted and shook my hand and hugged me and told me to always take care of his little girl and that he’s happy for us and gave me his permission to ask her, which she accepted.

He offered to pay for our wedding as a gift which I was very grateful about and we accepted, but just months before the wedding I found out she was cheating on me for well over a year and was planning to marry me and get a divorce a few months later to screw me out of the house my dad left me.

All so that she and her partner could move in together,. I called off the wedding and thankfully nothing was in her name yet and she never lived with me so she absolutely had no rights to my house or any of my assets, I had hundreds of messages between her and her partner discussing how they’re gonna screw me over and I showed her family.

They were so upset and angry with her especially her dad and he personally came over and apologised for what she did, I told him that It wasn’t any of his fault and that didn’t changed how I saw him. We tried to be close afterwards but my ex flipped out and demanded they all cut contact with me or she’d cut all of them off.

Her dad called me one last time sad telling me he had to cut contact because she was his little girl at the end of the day, I thanked him for everything and told him I still love him and his family and told him to tell them all goodbye, he wished me a happy life and that was the last I ever heard of any of them.

Or that’s what his family thinks because we stayed secretly in contact, not as much as before obviously but we kept checking in every once in a while because he genuinely loved me and I loved him back and at that point it had nothing to do with his daughter, he was like an uncle to me.

It’s been 3 years since we broke up and I’ve moved on. Months later, I started dating one of my closest childhood friend’s little sister. She’s a widow and a single mom of two beautiful little girls. Her late husband passed away 5 years ago in a car crash while she was still pregnant with their second daughter which made me closer to the girls since I lost my own dad the same way.

The youngest wasn’t even born when it happened and is still too young to understand things but the older daughter is 9 years old and she remembers her daddy and she talks to me all the time about him and how much she loves and misses him.

She asks wether he’s in heaven right now and I tell her of course and he’s looking down at her and that he’s so proud of her and her sister and she always gets so happy.

Two months ago with her father’s approval (which is a cultural thing here) I proposed to her and she said yes and we kissed and cried, the girls were with us and they were so happy and excited and were clapping for us.

We’ve been planning our wedding which is next month and we’re finalising our guest list, and honestly I want to invite George because he stayed in contact and was happy and supportive of me when I got with my fiancée, but I know that it’s gonna cause so much drama but honestly he’s really one of the few people that I have left that are family to me and I want him there.

My fiancée is completely aware and supportive of our relationship and friendship and says it’s completely up to me. Would I be an AH if I quietly invite just him or would it be too far and awkward? Any reasonable advice would really help thanks. 🙏

The internet did not hold back their thoughts at all.

2dogslife wrote:

I absolutely think you should invite him, but I would tell him first and ask him where he wants you to send the invitation. Maybe to avoid drama, he wants it sent to work or somewhere else.

You don't mention his wife, but it's standard good manners that you invite spouses, so she would be included in the invitation (it's up to them to decide if the accept, and if they both attend or only one does). I wish you only the best. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

OP responded:

Thanks 🙏 that’s probably what I’m gonna end up doing, his wife was so nice and sweet to me and he always says that she asks about me sometimes

Tall-Charge-4150 wrote:

Ask George, tell him you want him there but you understand he has to put his family first. Ask him to come, ask him if it is appropriate for an official invitation. He sounds like a wonderful man.

OP responded:

I already talked to him and he said he’d be honoured to come but would also understand if I don’t invite him.

Cultural-Surprise299 wrote:

I don't understand the point of your post. You already talked to him. He said he'd be honored to be there. Asked and answered.

OP responded:

On one hand I want him there because he’s the closest thing I have to real family because I don’t have any uncles or aunts or grandparents and obviously no parents and on the other this might start some drama.

Little_Taipan_9762 wrote:

Looks like he already answered that concern in your comment above when he said he'd be honored to come. I think he understands the risks, sees you as a son and would love to attend but doesn't want to pressure you probably because your fiancée may be uncomfortable with your Ex's family coming to your weeding.

Since she understands and supports you, invite him, tell him you understand if he can't make it for family reasons and leave it at that. Good luck. I'm glad you two have kept a relationship going even if not as frequent. You obviously mean a lot to each other. He's a great guy.

OP responded:

He said he’d be okay with whatever I decide, but I still don’t know what to do.