Teen says married gym 'lover' lied about divorce then blamed him for 'ruining her life' when caught. AITA?
"AITA for getting involved with a married woman who said she was getting divorced, and then 'ruining her life'?"
I (19M) met this woman (38F) at the gym a few months ago. She was super friendly, we started chatting often, and over time, it turned into something more. I know the age gap is a lot, and I was definitely unsure at first, but she made me feel seen and surprisingly comfortable.
Early on, I asked about her situation because I noticed she always avoided talking about her home life. That’s when she told me she was married, but she said the marriage was basically over and that they were in the middle of a divorce.
She made it seem like it was just a matter of time before everything was finalized. She said they were only still living together for the sake of their kids (M17 and 15), but weren’t really “together” anymore.
I didn’t love the situation, but I also didn’t want to judge. I took her at her word and we kept seeing each other, though mostly outside of her home. I never pushed to meet her kids or go over I just figured it was complicated and respected her boundaries.
Her husband found out about me. I guess her older son saw messages on her phone and told him. Turns out, they weren’t separated at all. No papers had been filed, no lawyers, no anything. She lied. They were still married in every sense.
Now she’s telling me that I “ruined” her life. She says she has to get divorced now because her husband won’t forgive her, her kids are furious, and I “forced her hand” by being involved. She’s calling me immature and selfish for not understanding what she was going through, and says I basically wrecked her family.
I never wanted to hurt anyone. I didn’t even know the full story I only knew what she told me. If I had known she was still actively living a married life, I never would’ve touched this situation.
I feel awful for her kids, and for being involved in something so messy, but I honestly feel like I was manipulated too. I’ve stopped talking to her now, but I keep wondering did I mess this all up? Did I push too hard without realizing it? I never meant for anyone to get hurt. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA on that due to the fact that she basically is trying to gaslight you. She knew what she was doing and now she got caught and has to deal with the consequences. But let this be a lesson don't get involved with married women.
Plus how much you want to bet she’s done this before with other guys - probably telling the same lies - she’s just pissed she got caught this time. NTA.
She fully ruined her own life. You are her victim.
The 38 yr old cheater thinks she’s the victim, having an affair with someone basically the same age as her children and lying about her marital status. Blaming the teenage boyfriend for ruining her life is the cherry on top …what a world.
Your first red flag should have been the minute she said she was still technically married but not divorced. If anyone ever says that, run. You’re also still young. She completely took advantage of your naïveté & inexperience. NTA bc you didn’t wreck her life. She wrecked her own life. She was the cheating AH here.
First of, she semi groomed you. If the sexes were reversed we’d be looking for pitchforks for the guy. Second, she’s sort of ick for getting with a guy who is two years older than her son. She’s guilt tripping you. Lose her number. If she harasses you at the gym turn her in to management or find a new gym. She’s lethal.
NTA, because you're 19 and naive. That woman blew up her own life and then blamed it on you. Leave it in your past, and keep a better eye out for red flags in the future!
First of all that’s the oldest trick in the book for married couples when there’s a cheater. My rule is if I don’t talk to the spouse or see something actually credible to back it up then it’s a no go.
Double that with the open marriage and poly couples, usually when you okay I’d love to chat with your spouse etc they vanish or suddenly something comes up lol. Not saying it’s right or wrong but generally if it’s like that there’s gotta be something to it.
Edit : You’re a victim, outside of getting you D wet most people would look at that situation and say no thank you. Also what a cry baby lol suddenly you ruined her like lol give me a break. Her getting caught is not your problem and in the future just tell people that she cheated in her relationship. You look bad sleeping with married people even if you got tricked.
NTA but the "my marriage is basically over" line is, I'm sorry to say, one of the oldest lines in the book. Back when I was in college in the mid 90s, I got it a lot. You are young and naive, and she's took advantage of that. Now she's trying to blame YOU for HER choices. In the future, if someone says they are on their way to being divorced, be like "Great! Let me know when it's official" and walk away.
NTA. She roped you into her mess. The only thing you are guilty of is being young and naive.
NTA. This is a painful lesson not to believe anyone who says they’re “getting a divorce”. She’s TA for lying and taking advantage of you, and then blaming you for her own decisions, lies, and deceit.