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'Is my boyfriend lying about replacing my fish or am I paranoid?' MAJOR UPDATE

'Is my boyfriend lying about replacing my fish or am I paranoid?' MAJOR UPDATE


The truth hurts, but it's better than a lie.

"Is my boyfriend lying about replacing my fish?"

I’m seriously so confused. I returned home this morning from a 3 week trip in Japan to find my betta fish looking completely different. Now granted, my fish did get sick while i was away due to an infection a new Pleco had brought to the tank. I guess I’m just concerned that my boyfriend lied about my fish surviving.

I’ve had my betta for months now and he has never ever looked any different, or sick, and I did get him from my boyfriend's brothers ex-wife after she abandoned him. I thought I had brought him back from what he looked like then, which was not good or no where near what he looks like now.

The first photo is my fish when I left. The second is what I’ve come home to. I really need answers. He’s reduced in size, the tail is shorter and flared significantly more, and the obvious, he’s completely different colors. He was magenta and purple, and now blue and orange? He also has a scar of some kind on the other side of his body, which is no where to be seen on him now.

Image descriptions:

First image: A purple and blue betta with more of a shwoopy tail

Second image: A red and teal-ish betta with more of a fan tail.

Commenters had a lot to say to OP.

celestialspook wrote:

Bettas can change colors, but they can't just change from a Veil tail to a half moon tail, shrink in size, or magically get rid of scars lol. I'm very sorry about your original fish.

OP responded:

Thank you for this.

robischerarts wrote:

Yeah I’m sorry hun, that’s a completely different breed/morph of betta.

OP responded:

Thank you for your input I really appreciate it πŸ₯ΉπŸ«ΆπŸ»β€οΈ

crowned_tragedy wrote:

Why wouldn't he just tell you your betta passed and skip all the lying? I don't think that would ever stop bothering me... I'm sorry for your loss. :(

OP responded:

Thank you for your comment ❀️ I wish I knew the answer to that question myself!! πŸ˜“

Inferior_Potassium wrote:

It’s crazy how he didn’t even attempt to find a similar looking fish πŸ˜‚

Lotorinchains wrote:

The funny thing is people who aren’t fish people probably think this is a similar looking fish. Like he probably did try to get something similar and didn’t realize that we treat our fish like actual pets and know what they look like.

teyoworm wrote:

If you're mad or offended by this it's completely justified. I personally don't find it cute or sweet at all he's refusing to admit he replaced your fish. It undermines your love for the original in multiple ways (refusing to allow you to grieve it on your own terms + thinking you'd not recognize it being an entirely different fish, what lol?) & overall it's just dishonest.

I can imagine panicking in the moment that the fish died & not wanting you to be sad, but going to these lengths and refusing to admit it even AFTER you already called him out is such a s-ty move. makes me question if your boyfriends incapable of having serious communication. Sorry about the fate of your original fish :(

OP responded:

Not offended at all by this- I’m incredibly upset with him at the moment, the most I have been our entire relationship in all honesty, given that we are coming up on 10 months officially together. I couldn’t tell you why he’s refusing to admit it now.

I agree that I would prefer to grieve my fish if he has passed. And, I’m huge on names being special and the one I had for him just happened to be really close to me, so I don’t want to associate it with another fish.

And yes, it makes me believe he thinks I’m quite stupid, believing I wouldn’t recognize it was a different fish, but it was the first thing I walked to upon my return to home and my first ten minutes were spent with my mouth hanging open inspecting because I was just so in shock and could clearly tell this was not the fish I left.

I tried to give the benefit of the doubt with the sickness altering his appearance, but he had been assuring me my fish was healthy now and “looked different under the light” and that the tank was really dirty.

I cleaned it myself just two days before leaving, and he had been cleaning it too...but that infection had taken place over a week ago at this point. And, he had no problems telling me the Plecos had passed. I can’t even describe how angry it makes me and confused. Thank you for your comment.

chixnwaffles wrote:

It’s obvious it’s not the same fish. Please do not let him gaslight you into thinking it’s the same fish. I find it very concerning his lack of honesty here & you should maybe reconsider your relationship with this person if he can’t even own up to something that is important to you. I’m sorry OP.

OP responded:

Thank you for your comment, I agree with you entirely that this lack of honesty he’s presenting is not ideal for a relationship. I’m hoping to talk with him in person tomorrow about it. Thank you again! ❀️🫢🏻

YouHadMeAtAloe wrote:

People throw the word gaslighting around on here all the time, but this seems like an actual case of it for once. That is 1000% a different fish. Even if he did it to keep your feelings from being hurt, it’s still messed up that he won’t admit it. All I can say is you need to give things a long, hard look before continuing.

OP responded:

I mean, I can’t believe I even posted about it on Reddit, it’s clearly not the same fish, goes to show with how well he was able to almost convince me this was the same fish. And I will be honest the original fish was my first so I wasn’t quite aware of anything that unusual happening and I think he was using that to his advantage to try and get me to believe it’s the same fish.

A day later, OP shared an update.

Hello everyone. I'm here to tell you all that he admitted to it not being the same fish. It took as far as me threatening to break up which is childish to me but that's the length iI had to take. I have told him I do not want to continue a relationship with a liar so as of right now we are no longer together.

Thank you EVERYONE for commenting and confirming that I am not crazy and giving me information to back myself up. I appreciate everyone’s advice and concern and certainly hope you guys are pleased with this update! If anyone has further questions I’ll still be answering. Thank you again.

Edit: I will also point out that the new fish will stay with me despite his offering to take him off my hands, and will not be treated any differently or less attended to. I have named the new fish “Dunno” and he will be very well loved with me.

I have yet to find out what my ex has done with the original fish, I was too angry and heated that I forgot to ask and will not get another chance for that closure until later on when he gets home from work. All signs point to he flushed it though.

People were invested in the update.

AnarchyArcanine wrote:

Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and what's right. This isn't just a fish or good intentions gone wrong, this is dishonesty and betrayal, and depending on how he cared for your tank, possibly neglect. I'm sorry you experienced this. It isn't childish at all to tell him where your integrity lies.

lysssssssss wrote:

I’m so sorry, did he tell you what happened to your old fish? :(

OP responded:

Yes, he confirmed whatever infection that had spread in the tank had killed my betta sadly.

kerynean wrote:

I'm glad this ended well! The fact it took that threat for him to admit it? Textbook definition of gaslighting by making you question reality? It sounds like the beginning of a relationship turning cohersive.

That's how a lot of these types tend to be, they will put on a performance of their best selves early on in the relationship and as it goes on, slowly start introducing things like this to slowly break down your confidence in your own reality so they can take control.

It's unfortunate your fish died but your little buddy did so much more for you. He may have just saved you in his death. May he swim in peace πŸ’–

PixelSuicide wrote:

Honestly, such a sad and difficult situation for you to deal with- on SO many levels- but absolutely SO PROUD of you for standing your ground and trusting yourself, even though it meant the end of this relationship. I’m sure it’s a bitter pill to swallow but you deserve someone who will never lie and manipulate you this way. πŸ’• So glad your sweet new Betta is still with you. I’m sure it’ll have a good life.

aquaticasian wrote:

You did well OPπŸ₯Ί You have every right to know the truth of what happened to your baby. Great job on ending the relationship too. Anyone who makes you feel like you’re crazy doesn’t deserve to be with you. Glad Dunno has met a wonderful fish parent like you.

Sources: Reddit
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