'Is my boyfriend trying to sabotage my grades or am I being paranoid?' UPDATED 2X

If your gut is telling you to investigate something, it's best to trust it. The worst case scenario? You're wrong, and at least you know the truth.

In a popular post on the Two Hot Takes subreddit, a woman shared her suspicions that her boyfriend was trying to sabotage her. She wrote:

"Is my boyfriend trying to sabotage my grades or am I being paranoid?"

I am using a different account because I have been having suspicions about my boyfriend. I (24f) am doing my masters in Data Science and it is a really hard subject for me. I will say I am very studious and always strived to get good grades. If I do well in masters I will get scholarship on my PHD. But lately somethings have been happening that has made me suspicious of my boyfriend, Liam (26m).

We have been dating for 5years now. We met in college, Liam has no interest in higher studies and wants to do business but he knows how much important my studies are for me. So, it started happening almost few months ago. It was my mid terms and I am always on time. But that day I woke up 15 minutes late. I swear I did put the alarm right I never miss it. But on that day I missed it.

Luckily there was no harm done. But then again I lost my report I was doing. I got a lot of shit because of that from my supervisor. I thought maybe I misplaced it. I found it inside the night stand of Liam's side. When I asked about it he made an excuse that I must have kept it. The thing is I never touch his side of the night stand unless I am cleaning.

Then one time Liam arranged a family dinner right before an important presentation of mine. He knew not to disturb me during any of those exams and crucial times. I was angry with him. He told me I am being selfish by only thinking about my grades and school and never focus on him. This is almost like a pattern.

He would always have some big things planned before my quizzes and exams or project presentations. I remember in one instance where I wrote a code in my computer and saved it, only for it to have bugs and as I was fixing it, I can tell someone deliberately tampered with my code. I know Liam sometimes borrow my computer because his one is old and mine has better performance.

What happened last night confirmed my suspicion. There was a report I have been working on for 6 months. This is basically a journal I have been working on. Today I had to show the first draft of it to my supervisor. I usually keep my computer open before I go to sleep. It locks automatically. Late at night when I woke up I saw Liam was doing something on my computer.

I asked him what is he doing on my computer? His response was "I was looking at p*rn." That was stupid and lame. And guess what? My entire report was deleted and even the backup ones I had on my google drive was deleted. Luckily I saved it on cloud and pen-drive too. But I am still feeling like he did it intentionally. I don't understand why would he do that?

I did confront him but it only made him angry saying I am accusing him without any proof and that since I live under his roof he should be allowed to use my stuff too. I am concerned whether I am being paranoid and sabotaging my relationship or is he trying to sabotage my grades?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

daphuqijusee wrote:

Yeah, first he sabotages your grades, next he sabotages your birth control to trap you. Has he started to isolate you from friends and family yet?

Turbulant_Patience_3 wrote:

OP - tell him you have an exam on Friday (it’s a lie) tell him it’s super important and it will make or break you for the next 6 months….watch how he tries to figure out how to sabotage you. At least this time you can take a back seat and watch all the things he does. Then get rid of him!

17Forshadowing17 wrote:

Seriously, when you are constantly having to defend his actions to your friends and family so you just stop talking to them as much…run. Although supposedly some people like this endear themselves to friends and family so then they don’t believe you either and you are questioning the nature of your reality.

DottedUnicorn wrote:

Friend, there are no red flags big enough to wave at you. Flee. Take your stuff and leave. Don't give warning. Just coordinate friends to help you and go. He will eventually do something to ruin your chances of graduating. Then he will sabotage your job. He's jealous.

And he'll keep lying. You know what you saw. Don't let him gaslight you any further. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Is this the future you want?

[deleted] wrote:

OP, he is brazen about his disdain for everything you are working towards and for. Never stay with someone who does not respect you. He is showing absolute disdain towards your goals.

Disdain and sabatoge are neither love nor respect. In a sea of millions of men I promise there is one out there that will love you, support you and respect you. This guy doesn't love you or respect you... let alone support your goals.

Vegetable-Fix-4702 wrote:

Ok. He's extremely jealous that he isn't your only focus. It's a narcissist trait. Run, run, run. Don't make a decades long mistake like I did. He'll deliberately ruin everything for you.

uslashuname wrote:

If it isn’t jealousy, it’s control. A woman with a masters in data science and gunning for a PHD will have no problem supporting herself and is therefore able to leave deadweight behind. The deadweight can try to gaslight and destroy chances now, but once those degrees are under OPs belt then there’s no way shithead Liam will be able to even get tickets to her league.

[deleted] wrote:

This. OP, re read what you wrote. Why are you even questioning yourself? He needs to be gone. He, quite literally, tried to destroy 6 months of hard work and research out of pure unadulterated selfishness. There is no redeeming that. You can not communicate out of that.

He needs to be kicked out today or you need to leave because he will destroy your academic and professional future out of spite and jealousy given the chance. Do NOT give him another chance.

Next time it could be the end of your academic and professional reputation. Literally, I'd kick him out and change the locks. If the place belongs to him, pack your stuff and move it to storage and stay with a friend while you line up new housing.

not_ya_wifey wrote:

Also, in case you didn't see my comment, please talk to your supervisor about this. They need to know someone has been sabotaging your work.

Two days later, OP shared a major update.

Woah, I didn't realize I would get this many responses. I didn't get the time to read everyone of your comments. But I took one suggestion someone gave me. I don't remember who but it was also my friend's suggestion. She asked me to install a hidden nanny cam on my work station and a key logger.

My friend, Lisa told me to not rush into things, just have proof of it in case he blames me and says I am lying. So, that day when I posted this, I acted like I have a huge assignment due next week and I need to focus on my work. I lied to him just to test if he does the same thing or not.

I opened an old assignment of mine and pretended to work on it. After that I went to bed, I know I could just catch him in the middle of the act but I knew he would be lying. And yes as you guessed it he deleted the assignment from everywhere.

I have proof that he did it. The next morning I said nothing, I told him I am sick so I am skipping school. But really I was planning to get the hell out his house. Lisa came along with my other friends and helped me. It was quick because we were 5 people. After I was settled in Lisa's house, I messaged him and said:

"I know what you did, I am breaking up with you and moving out. Don't try to contact me or try to reach out. We are done." I blocked his number. I don't know where he is or what he is doing right now. But I heard from one of my distant friend that he has been asking for me. I don't know what to do next. I am literally scared to even go out. I am trying to see if I can attend my classes online instead of going to campus.

The internet was proud of OP.

Further0n wrote:

Great job taking quick action for your own self-preservation and future. I'm guessing you already did, but be sure to change ALL of your passwords right now. And don't let the jerk keep you isolated. Go to class. Just be aware of your surroundings. Carry pepper spray. And have campus police on speed dial on your phone. If he approaches you, tell him to get away and stay away from you now.

If he fails to do that, call campus police immediately. While he watches. And keep a couple of good friends on speed dial for whenever you just need a gut check. He sounds mostly manipulative and emotionally abusive so far, not physical from what you've said.

But you never know what the response will be when they're called out and rejected for their behavior. And as others have said, get a restraining order if he keeps approaching you after you've told him not to.

OP responded:

Thanks, I couldn't have done it without people advising me and my friends.

Talk-O-Boy wrote:

A selfish part of me wishes we could have known his reaction to being exposed, but you definitely made the right moves. Very well handled! Your friends rock, and I hope everything goes as smoothly as it can moving forward. Sorry you got stuck with such a manipulative boyfriend for that time.

OP responded:

Ex-boyfriend. I have told people not to contact me about him. My friends have volunteered to lie to him but I am sure he will show up at my campus.

Fantastic_Beans wrote:

You may wanna give campus security a heads up.

A few months later, OP shared another update.

Hello guys, I just wanted to come back for a final update. The good news is I got scholarship for my next semester. I did well in my finals Now I just have one more left. I got a part time job as a front end developer. Though it is not what I wanted but it brings the money.

So, anyways, There isn't any drama now. When I first moved out, I was sure he, my ex will be stalking me. But I know multiple routes to my classes so I just alternated each day.

But that didn't work because one of my friends snitched and told my ex where I was living. He was there everyday to just try to get me to talk to him. I didn't want to but I gave up and we agreed to meet in a public space. There was a lot of tears and his justification. Basically, he was jealous that I was doing well in my life career-wise. He feel into the peer pressure of his friends teasing him.

Because if I graduate with good grades it can really amp up my career. This made him insecure. Also he feel into the deep rabbit hole of podcasts that tells men they need to earn way more than their girlfriends otherwise they are inferior. One of his idiotic friends suggested that he does something that will harm my grades and I will eventually know where my actual "role" is.

He said he was deeply sorry. But I didn't buy it. He wanted to work things out and try again but I just cannot trust him. He sent me flowers even after the "talk". I tried to go to the p*lice but they just ignored it. Because he is not doing anything to harm me. He is just being silly. They only gave him a warning. The begging eventually stopped.

I think it is because he has a new girl now. I wish there was a way I can inform her about all the sh$t he has done. But I will be the crazy ex. I am a little heartbroken because he moved on easily. But I cannot blame him. We were not together so he has every freedom. But I do mourn the relationship we used to have. That's all. I will be focusing on my PhD now and probably try to heal from all of this.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

AliceBRabbit74 wrote:

What happened with the friend who snitched on you to your ex?

OP responded:

I do not talk to her. Neither does my other close friends. At least I have good friends.

NSFWmilkNpies wrote:

I’m sorry for what he did to you, but I’m happy you succeeded despite him. Too many young men are falling down this rightwing “redpill” rabbit hole, it’s pretty scary. He sabotaged something great with you because some random guy on the internet told him “men should be the bread-winners.”

I’m glad you didn’t go back to him, he would have continued to try to sabotage you. Feel free to reach out to his new girl and give her a warning if you want, or block him and move on. Best of luck with your PhD! You’ll soon be too busy to have to deal with that kind of bulls**t anyway!

OP responded:

I can inform her through grapevine but I am not sure if it will work.

NSFWmilkNpies responded:

It is up to you. It will probably help her in the long run, cause I doubt his views have changed. But you run the risk of her not believing you and him painting you as the crazy ex.

Fun-Yellow-6576 wrote:

Don’t talk to him or his new gf. It will only encourage him in thinking you still care and want him back. The new gf won’t believe you. Your best revenge will be to have a good, successful life without him.

It sounds like OP is off to her greener pastures, which is, any pasture where her ex is far, far, away.