'AITA for causing issues between my ex-husband and his GF by sticking up for my daughter?'

"AITA for causing issues between my ex-husband and his new girlfriend?"

So to start I have been divorced from Kyle for 10 years and have an 11 year old daughter Luna together. When she was a few months old I found out he cheated on me when I was pregnant and after that I haven’t talked to him about anything other than our daughter.

Luckily for Luna he is an incredible and dedicated father, and I’m happy for that. We share custody week on and week off. I kept the house in the divorce and he moved into a duplex close by.

He’s been with Wendy for a little over two years and have two kids. I’ll never tell my daughter this, but I don’t care to know much about Kyle’s personal life (unless it affects our daughter). I’ve met Wendy because she moved into with them, and I did my due diligence but like I said, Kyle is a great dad and I’ve never doubted that he has Luna’s best interests at heart so I trust who he would be with.

I’ve believe I’ve done a good job of making Luna know that she can tell me or talk to me about anything, and that I’m always on her team no matter what. But I do have her seeing a therapist once or twice a month to talk to as well. My parents are divorced and growing up I hated talked about one parent to the other so I want her to have a neutral outlet for that.

But last week Luna was asking me weird questions. Like when her room would stop being her room, or when she’d stop living with me. Obviously I reassured her but she told me that the townhouse is too small so Kyle and Wendy are looking for a house. Luna asked Wendy about her room at the new house and Wendy told her that she would stay in the guest room when she was there.

I told her she probably misheard and that maybe she meant that when she wasn’t there they might let guests use her room (so keep it clean hint hint kiddo haha!), but she insisted that Wendy told her that since she wouldn’t live in the house full-time she didn’t need a room and could just sleep in the guest room.

I asked her if she’d talked to her dad about it and she said she didn’t want to and then tried changing the subject. I didn’t want to push it, and she did see the therapist. But she asked me about it again Sunday before Kyle picked her up.

I think in this instance it should be on Kyle to fix the issue, because obviously I have Lunas best interests at heart but I don’t call the shots in the other house lol. I mentioned it to him, and he assured me she must have misheard or misunderstood but said he’d talk to her. Problem solved!

Except last night I got a rude ass text from Wendy. Basically telling me to stay out of their business and stop asking my daughter about their house. When I didn’t respond she sent some more rude stuff about me that was either untrue or out of line. I simply muted her but just feel really weird about everything today.

I know she just had the new baby and I’m sure is pretty emotional right now, but that doesn’t excuse her from saying that to my daughter and if I was seeing someone who said those things to her I would want Kyle to tell me. I screenshotted the messages and sent them to Kyle, he said he’ll take care of it and apologized but I’m wondering if I should have just let them handle this from the beginning?

This is what people had to say to OP:

AsethDearnight said:

NTA, you acted in your daughter's best interests, and if the girlfriend casts herself in the Evil Stepmom role, dad should know.

BulbasaurRanch said:

You did exactly the right thing and didn’t engage with her nonsense. She is Kyle’s problem to temper. NTA

Top-Bit85 said:

She has a new baby and feels it's time to push Luna out. Ride her father's ass on this, Luna is going to be very hurt.

Or just tell him if she has no room there you want full custody and he can bump up the child support. Really set Wendy's hormones into overdrive!

SecretSorceress said:

NTA. This is Kyle and your daughter, and Kyle and you should have the same information when it comes to issues about her. It's not your fault Wendy chose to tell your daughter something that she didn't tell Kyle.

It sounds like (and I may be wrong here obviously!) that Wendy might not see Luna as the same as her own children, or as less part of her family/household, something that Kyle needs to know and then make his own judgement. And from how you talk about him and how Wendy reacted, it seems like Wendy doesn't like that idea very much.

OP responded:

It just breaks my heart she would say that to my daughter. I remember feeling like I didn’t have a full time home and just had two part time houses and never wanted her to feel like that. I’ll always feel a little bad I didn’t try to work things out with Kyle for her sake, but I just couldn’t do it.

Lifelong_learner1956 said:

"He’s been with Wendy for a little over two years and have two kids." Your ex and his current girlfriend (legal spouse?) have two kids together or are they hers? Do they live with them? Give hm a little time to attempt to correct this - IF he can.

Whether a miscommunication or intentional evil stepmom AH behavior, never ignore your child's welfare. Document all communications for future reference.

OP responded:

They’re both his kids (from what I’ve been told? I didn’t dna test them lol) and as far as I know they aren’t engaged. She moved in with them with their older kid was a few weeks old.

Redmudgirl said:

Well now, can Kyle and Wendy AFFORD a house where your daughter gets her own room? If she doesn’t live with them full time, why should she have her own room? I’m sure she would have her privacy in the guest room any time she is there. I feel you are instilling a sense of entitlement or projecting it at the very least to your daughter.

Her dad still loves her no matter if she has her own room or not. Spending time with him is the salient point. Keep your nose out of his finances, which is what you ARE doing.

And OP responded:

Why shouldn’t she have her own room at her father’s house? She’s not a guest, it’s her home. The other kids are similar ages and can share if their finances are tight. Like you said, their finances are not my business so I don’t know what they can or cannot afford. My business is only what’s best for my daughter.

And luckily for her, Kyle agrees with me that she will be having her own room wherever they live, not stay in a guest room like a distant relative. Maybe you should check your priorities.