'AITA for telling my MIL her poor example is the reason why her son treats women bad?'
I told my MIL it's her fault her son thinks he can get away with cheating.
Beneficial_Bison4677 writes:
About three weeks ago, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me. The day I found out, I packed bags for me and the kids and left. I did not confront him about the cheating; I just let him know that our marriage was over, but that I hoped to work with him on an amicable divorce and custody arrangements.
Of course, he did all the cliché begging, crying, swearing he would change. It was a “mistake,” and it meant nothing, blah blah blah. I just said, that’s nice, well, let me know where to send the divorce papers. He was shocked. He told me before that his dad cheated on his mom but she was able to forgive him. He must have expected me to do the same.
Since then, I have only communicated with him about the girls. He is running in circles trying to get me to react to anything else he says. I give him nothing. He has begged me to just talk to him. I said that there is nothing to talk about.
My MIL confronted me outside the gymnastics gym. I was going to hand the girls off to her so they could spend time with Dad. MIL told me that she was very disappointed in the way I’m handling all of this, that she expected more maturity from me, and that she hopes it doesn’t impact the girls negatively in the long term.
I let her say what she wanted. She is allowed her opinion. But she looked at me, waiting for a response of some kind. So I asked her, why are you directing your anger at me when your son is the one who ended this marriage?
She said that I am the one who chose to end the marriage, not him, that he was willing to work on it and go above and beyond to prove that it was a mistake and all that nonsense. And how it was most shocking how cold I’ve become, that I won’t even talk to him.
I said, well, what is there to say? He decided to end the marriage. The time to go to marriage counseling was before he did what he did. There is nothing left to salvage. He made the decision, and now he lives with the consequences.
She was getting herself all worked up and upset. Oh boo hoo, don’t you feel bad for tearing apart this family, don’t you want your daughters to grow up in a stable home, how could you walk away after all this time. She said she couldn’t imagine breaking up her family over something like this.
I said, well, maybe if you had, your son wouldn’t think he can cheat without consequences. You’re the one who taught him this. She got that big shocked look on her face and told me that I was being a needlessly cruel monster over all of this. And oh boo f^#%ing hoo, she's "disappointed."
I’m not keeping the girls from him. I’m being helpful with those arrangements, and I plan to be generous when it comes to splitting time. I have no interest in taking anything that wasn’t mine when we entered into our marriage. But somehow I’m the cruel monster? How?
People responded to what OP did.
Ok-Comparison-55 says:
You didn’t insult your MIL out of nowhere. She confronted you, criticized your maturity, and blamed you for the consequences of her son's dumba%# and selfish actions. Your response wasn’t cruel, it was honest.
Her son cheated, showing he's immature and selfish. You’re doing your best to handle the divorce respectfully. That’s mature. If your ex-MIL can’t accept that her son is facing the consequences of his dumba^& choices, that’s on her, not you.
grayblue_grrl says:
Apparently your Soon-to-be ex-MIL listened to someone who gave her that same damned speech when her husband was out f^#%ing around. And she bought it. How dare you not buy it? How dare you have your self respect, dignity and integrity, while she has a son who is no better than his cheating father? NTA.
OP responded:
And there is absolutely no way in hell that I would set the example for the daughters that they should allow anyone to walk all over them like that. F^#k no.
Tdluxon says:
NTA. She's entitled to her opinions but it's your marriage. Her husband cheated and she chose to stay with him, that is her right and her choice, but you make your own decisions and aren't obligated to follow hers. Her son chose to betray you and your family, not you, and her trying to twist the whole thing so that it is your fault is disingenuous BS. The blame falls on him 100%.
OP responded:
It is definitely important to me that this all be as amicable as possible. There's no reason for any nastiness or mental games or anything where it comes to the kids. He's entitled to spend as much time with them as he wants, and I don't have any issue with that at all.
What do you think?