'AITA after finding out that I've been paying rent to my husband and his mom?'
"AITA for finding out I’ve been unknowingly paying rent to my husband and his mom for TWO YEARS?"
Hexylpuff writes:
I (31F) have been married to Brian (33M) for two years. Right after the wedding, we moved into an apartment he said was a "great deal" from a family friend. We agreed to split rent and utilities 50/50 to keep things "equal," since we were starting fresh and wanted to avoid money fights. So I’ve been sending him $700 a month just for the rent this whole time.
Three days ago, at a BBQ, I overheard his mom talking about how “it’s nice getting rent from Brian’s place” and how smart they were to keep it in the family. Turns out his mom owns the apartment, and Brian’s on the deed too.
I had no idea. He never told me, just let me keep paying rent for two years like a clueless roommate. When I confronted him, he said I “never asked” and that I’m overreacting because we weren’t overpaying.
But I feel completely blindsided. It’s not just the money, it’s the secrecy. I told him I won’t keep paying until we talk about a fair setup. Now he’s acting like I’m the problem. AITA?
OP responded to some comments.
deathraerae says:
It’s not even that you didn’t ask. He said it was a family friend. It wasn’t, it was him.
OP responded:
Yeah… he’s never shown me his half of the “rent” going anywhere. Starting to think I was the only one paying anything.
wknight8111 says:
A lot of people go into marriage with weird ideas about money and how things should stay separate "mine" vs. "yours," etc. When you're married, you're supposed to be a team. You share assets, you share debts, you have common goals, and you will succeed or fail as a single unit.
A lot of people really struggle to see it this way and instead treat marriage like some kind of loose arrangement between two separate individuals. If they’re really a team, the wife paying rent to the husband is a pointless transfer of money from the team to itself. He’s treating the assets as being separate from his own, then taking from her and keeping a private fund for himself.
If she’s not aware of a $700 check being deposited into a shared account shortly after she writes a $700 check to her “landlord,” that means the money is going somewhere she doesn’t have visibility into, and it’s being used for purposes she’s not aware of. Best case: the husband is saving the money in an emergency fund.
Worst case: he’s using it for secret vices or other things the wife would be unhappy to learn about. There’s a whole spectrum of possibilities here, but the optics are not good, and the wife really needs to figure out what’s happening with that money.
OP responded:
Thanks but do you really think it’s that serious? like divorce level serious?