'AITA for not giving my nephew the gift we bought him after he ignored me the entire evening?'
"AITA for not giving my nephew the gift we bought him after he ignored me the entire evening?"
My nephew is 12 and we see him maybe once or twice per year. He's not a particularly nice or polite child, mainly because his parents have never focused on manners or boundaries. We bought him a gift card as a holiday present and were going to give it to him in person. My wife and I hosted a family dinner with 12 people, including my nephew and his mother.
When he walked in, he didn't acknowledge either me or my wife. Did not say hello or engage with us once in over three hours of being in my home. I told myself that I was going to give him the gift card when he finally approached me and said hello. After he left for the night without saying a word to me, the gift card was still on the counter where it had been all evening.
My wife says I'm the AH for punishing the kid when it's his parent's fault for his poor behavior. While I agree with her, I think that 12 years old is mature enough to know that you should at least say hello to your Uncle and Aunt, especially at their house. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Kris82868
Seems to me the ignoring was mutual.
FairHunter2222
You could be the kind uncle who makes a wonderful impact on the kid's life but no, you are playing bully with your siblings child. YTA.
fairytalejunkie
You see him once or twice a year, you’re basically a stranger and weren’t being nice to him. Waiting on a child to engage is ridiculous. YTA.
mauvewaterbottle
YTA and the grownup. Would you not greet any other guest that came to your home? Why would you set him up for a test without telling him? Are you testing other gift recipients in your life this way? Do they know? He’s 12, and by your own account, was playing with other family members his own age. Why would you expect him to come greet you when it seems you don’t make any effort to greet him?
I’ve never invited someone to my home and not made my way around to greet them.
I-cant-hug-every-cat
In my family only parents had any kind of obligation to their kids, if other relatives wanted to make a gift it was only because they wanted it and whatever they wanted to give.
NTA, why give anything if you don't feel he deserves it? It's's not your duty, he is already old enough to learn some courtesy or to accept consequences
lrnjrsh
YTA. At the end of the day he’s a child and you’re the adult. Kids his age can be weird, especially when it comes to talking to adults. Just because you were perfectly comfortable at the gathering doesn’t mean he felt the same way. It’s weird you’re playing mind games with a 12-year-old instead of just setting a good example and making him feel more comfortable by going up to him yourself.
I’m sure he would have appreciated it.
PatternCreative1681
Dunno this is a hard one. I have a 12 yr old nephew myself but I see him once every few months he still openly greets me awkward hug and all. His response speaks to the relationship you have with him… YTA
jeepfail
YTA, you didn’t greet a child guest but expect to be greeted instead.
bebothered234
He is a kid and you are an adult. As an adult you could ask how was his birthday? You are acting like a 12-year-old.
AggravatingPipe4465
HARD YTA. I got you a gift, but you need to interact with me in order to receive, it gives very creepy vibes IMO. I think it shows your manners that you didn't greet the people who are entering your home. He is following your lead.
Later OP came back with these edits:
EDIT: This was not a party with random people. They were all family members who he knows well and spends time with. His 10-year-old cousin was there as well and came in and said hello and gave me a hug. He didn't spend a minute on his phone or being shy, he was playing with his 3 other cousins at the house.