'AITA for keeping all my household items in my room until I move so my brother can't use them?'

"AITA for removing everything I bought throughout the house and putting it in my room until I move-out?"

I’m a 34-year-old woman, currently living with my 39-year-old brother. Recently, we had a falling out after someone I confided in betrayed my trust and told my brother everything I had said—simply because they were upset with me.

When my brother confronted me, I admitted that I had vented about my frustrations. The truth is, I hadn’t told him directly because, in the past, bringing up issues never led to real change. He would acknowledge what needed to be done, but never followed through.

Even before this conflict, I had already decided to move out. My 4-year-old daughter and I share a room, and as she grows, space is becoming tighter. I also wanted more independence, so I worked to secure a better-paying job to make moving possible.

This argument only motivated me further to leave before the end of the year. I’m already apartment hunting and waiting for my new job income to be reflected so I can qualify financially.

Back to the argument—my brother felt I was talking behind his back to get him in trouble, when in reality, I was simply answering questions people asked me. I can’t control how others interpret my words.

He accused me of spreading his personal business, yet the very same person he and I trusted was the one repeating his words back to me—sometimes even twisting old issues to sound recent. I admitted I shouldn’t have confided in that person, but I don’t regret venting. Sometimes you need to let out frustrations, especially when direct conversations haven’t made a difference.

He then claimed I didn’t “have his back.” But for the past two years, I’ve carried most of the household responsibilities. I’ve bought groceries, toiletries, cleaning supplies, cat food, and litter for both cats (only one is mine), cooked meals, cleaned, and kept the home running.

He contributed very little—he gave me grocery money once ($50). Meanwhile, he complained about things like my daughter using too much toilet paper (she’s four, I’m just glad she makes it to the toilet), not enough meat in the house, or me not taking the trash out, while he barely helped.

Financially, I’ve also carried more than my share. We split rent, but I also help with electricity, and sometimes cover his part of the rent when he’s short. On top of that, I pay for renters' insurance and internet—he’s never contributed to either. I even helped fix his car and drove him to work for five months while it was in the shop.

Sometimes waking up at 2 in the morning on the weekend to drop him off at work because he picked up a shift. I did not once ask him for gas money because he needed to save money to get his car fixed. All of this while raising my daughter, managing a car note, and making sacrifices so she never goes without.

So I stopped playing the role of housekeeper and showed him "not having his back". I went through the apartment and gathered everything I paid for—towels, laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, bathroom items, even the photos I had purchased and printed—and put them in my room.

I separated the kitchen items and the food I had bought. The apartment quickly looked bare, because in truth, I had been providing almost everything. Now, when my daughter or I need something, we take it with us and return it to our room afterward. I started packing all of the immediate things I didn't need to get them out of the way first.

In addition to supporting him, I also fed his kids when they visited on weekends—five people in total for two days (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Before that, I fed four people all week when his oldest lived with us. I even bought clothes for his children, because I love them as if they were my own. But eventually, I stopped cooking for everyone, cleaning up after everyone, and paying for everything.

So my one mistake—venting to the wrong person—completely erased two years of me being the “mom/sister/housekeeper” in that apartment. At least in his eyes, none of it mattered. I stood by him when he was having problems with his ex/ baby momma. The upside is that I’ve started taking care of myself more.

Even though money is tight as I prepare to move, I’ve been able to treat myself—sometimes getting my nails or toes done, or even pedicures with my daughter. It feels like a weight has lifted, focusing on caring for just the two of us.

I still love my brother, and I worry about him—especially since he’s diabetic—but I can’t keep giving so much that I feel like I’m drowning. My brother and daughter still have a relationship, and he and I have started talking again, though I stay a little guarded. I don’t feel like he would care to hear me out, and honestly, most people—including him—won’t know where I move to.

My daughter will still see her uncle, but my relationship with my brother will never be quite the same. So, AITA for taking back everything I bought and keeping it in my room until I move?

This is what people had to say to OP:

cassowary32 said:

NTA. He should have been pulling his own weight this entire time. It's not like he doesn't know how groceries or chores work. I hope you and your daughter enjoy your new place.

NoRegret3749 said:

No, not. Move out as soon as you can. You have a right to live your own life. Be strong and stand firm. Good luck.

Different_One265 said:

Thank you for stopping being his mother. Let him go. Things will balance out after you move out. We had a coworker - diabetic - that only progressed so far. It was easier for him to stay the same than work to push himself forward. His and his family’s health is a mess. He didn’t make it a year work wise. He was let go.

bluetopaz83 said:

NTA - he’s a grown man, he needs to act like it and take responsibility for himself and his children. What’s his reaction been like to you not taking care of him or providing for the household anymore?

OP responded:

He didn't talk to me at first and began getting his own things, like toilet paper and paper towels, laundry detergent, and certain food items. After a while, he began asking me questions about where I got certain things.