AITA for keeping my cat even though my roommate's boyfriend is allergic?
"AITA for keeping my cat even though my roommate's boyfriend is allergic?"
My roommate who I have 10 months left on the lease with is demanding I get rid of the cat l adopted two weeks ago because her boyfriend is allergic and is having "severe" allergic reactions even when he is not around my apartment or my roommate.
She knew he was allergic before I adopted the cat and told me I could get the cat if I took precautions to reduce the allergens. An expectation was set that we would see how things go for two weeks - I really meant a little longer than that but she took it literally.
I foolishly said that if in a a week or two after trying the stuff to reduce allergens then I’d see about rehoming the cat. I know this was dumb, and it was dumb for both of us to agree to this as I don’t think I could ever actually get rid of a cat like that, especially one that is as sweet and cute and perfect as mine. Her boyfriend hasn't taken any allergy medication because he feels it’s unnecessary.
So now my roommate basically texted me demanding that it’s been two weeks and that it’s not working out and that I have to get rid of my cat. My roommate says she doesn't want her boyfriend to be allergic to her and is asking when she can expect the cat to be gone.
I've gone above and beyond to limit the allergens - buying allergy-reducing food, allergy-reducing spray, air purifier, vacuuming regularly, buying Claritin for the boyfriend - and I feel my roommate's boyfriend should at least try taking allergy medication.
He’s acting like I’m asking him to take crazy illegal meds, I think she’s scared that he’s not going to want to hang out with her anymore. It’s creating a lot of tension and she’s saying that I’m going back on our agreement.
However, I think she needs to wait longer because the allergen reducing food I have takes 3-4 weeks to even start kicking in, and I think her boyfriend needs to try allergy meds. I don’t want to get rid of her, she is also my ESA and I have legal documentation stating that.
If I absolutely have to I can move her to my boyfriends' house who has no pets but I really don’t want to and I think she’s being a bit unreasonable since her boyfriend doesn’t live with us and technically should have no say anyways.
I acknowledge that there is a certain level of not coldness in me technically going back on our agreement, but neither of us should have even agreed to that. Would I be the ahole if I kept my cat?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA the boyfriend doesn't live there. I would prepare to move out or get a different roommate though.
blobfishhhhhh said:
If bro hasn’t even tried medicine then your roommate has no right to demand that of you. NTA.
Merle8888 said:
ESH a bit. You because you got the cat knowing this was likely to be a problem for your roommate (boyfriend doesn’t live there so he can’t demand anything—but roommate can), and agreeing to a deal you knew you probably couldn’t keep and didn’t want to re: the 2-week trial period. If nothing else it’s unfair to the cat.
Roommate for agreeing to this deal that involved her boyfriend taking meds seemingly without his agreement, and trying to get you to get rid of your pet when he seemingly hasn’t tried.
Boyfriend for wanting people he doesn’t even live with to get rid of their pet to accommodate him without even trying allergy meds. If he’s so allergic that just being around her is setting him off then how can they be “unnecessary?"
Is she the only person he knows with a cat in their house? At this point wouldn’t a coworker cause the same issues? He is going to have to figure this out if just being around someone who has a cat causes him a serious reaction.
RealTalkFastWalk said:
ESH. You because you agreed to terms you had no real intention of honoring, which led your roommate to say yes when she otherwise likely would have said no from the start. Her bf does not live there though and so his allergies should not factor above your desire to have a cat (that otherwise would be acceptable to your roommates and in terms of your lease.)
frigo_blanche said:
YTA. I don't think rehoming the cat for the roommate's boyfriend's sake is generally necessary in this type of situation. He doesn't live there, he has no say. Similarly, you don't get a say in whether or not he should take medication. Meds aren't candy, can come with side effects, and can be costly. That just as a side note.
You're honestly only TA because you agreed to this deal and aren't going to follow up on the agreement. You weren't planning to rehome the cat from the start no matter what, were you? So, what? Did you make the agreement to get your way like this? That's pretty disgusting behavior.
And even if you originally planned to honor the agreement, you've proven that your word means nothing if you decide to feel like going against agreements when you feel like it. Next time don't make an agreement you wouldn't honor when push comes to shove.
litt3r_b0x said:
YTA. You agreed before getting the cat that it would be a trial. All of the people living in your home do not agree that the trial has been a success, so you need to hold up your end of the bargain. Tbh it was a mistake to not wait the 10 months until this wasn't a concern, and you could be sure you could be the forever home for a new pet.