'AITA for keeping inheritance from birth mother instead of splitting with adoptive siblings?'

"AITA for keeping inheritance from birth mother instead of splitting with adoptive siblings?"

I just found out that my birth mother, who I have never met, left me her whole estate ($180k)! I was adopted at birth by a wonderful family with two other adopted kids.

My siblings are now saying that it isn't fair I got everything when they also "deserve" it being adopted as well. They want to split it three ways! My parents are staying neutral which I can tell is uncomfortable.

The thing is, this was MY birth mother. She chose to find me and leave me this money. My siblings have their own birth families they could easily have a connection to someday. For me, this feels like my one connection to where I came from.

Now family dinners are awkward because my siblings barely talk to me. Am I being selfish keeping money that was legally left to me??

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Kami_Sang wrote:

NTA - your siblings are entitled and irrational. It doesn't matter if they are adopted too - your birth mom (not theirs) left you something. It's yours - the only thing you'll have from a woman who birthed you and clearly never stopped loving you.

Use this for something big - an education or towards a house. Don't squander it. Let it always remind you that the woman who conceived you never forgot you and always loved you.

IAmIrene wrote:

NTA. It was from your birth mother, not theirs. Fairness doesn't factor in - it's just what the situation is. Honestly, their attitude is pretty disgusting and greedy.

You are literally entitled to your inheritance, they are not. Don't give it up because of their b#$lying.

If you feel bad about it, draw up a will and make them beneficiaries if you want to. On second thought, lol...a few below have brought up a good point about a potential target being put on your back by doing this. O_O Besides, rewarding greedy relatives in any way would certainly go against your birth mom's intentions.

Bluntandfiesty wrote:

NTA. Your birth mother is not their birth mother. She made the choice to leave her estate to her child. Even if she had other children too, she made a will and it’s legal and binding. She wants you to inherit her estate.

Your siblings are absolutely not entitled to your inheritance. They’re entitled, greedy, and jealous. Your biological mother has no connection to them. Just because they were adopted too, doesn’t mean that everything you get is supposed to be split equally.

Your parents are doing you and their other children a huge disservice as parents by not intervening on your behalf. They should be supporting you, and teaching or reinforcing their lessons that their other children are not entitled everything everyone else gets or has.

dr_lucia wrote:

How old are you? You should absolutely not be allowed to give away this money until you reach the age of 18 yo. You would be too young to make a decision with that level of responsibility.

A"m I being selfish keeping money that was legally left to me??"

Nope. But even if you were, so what? You aren't required to be a self abnegating saint. You should probably put it in no load mutual funds in your name. Then it will be available for college. You may want to talk to a financial planner and find out if you can create a self-settled trust with yourself as a beneficiary.

You could decide if it's a living trust or a irrevocable one. Then make them beneficiaries in the event you die. ( You don't have to reveal all details to your parents or siblings. Just "I created a trust. They are beneficiaries if I pass.)

Having one in place could also be useful if you later marry and want to organize assets so you keep your assets non marital. That can protect you in the event of a divorce. There can be tax consequences to trusts, so you would need to talk to someone. Likely, they might want a fee.

No_Beautiful5200 wrote:

The situation is super awkward though. Hopefully you were effectively an equal part of the family, and then you get a substantial amount of money for not being a part of the family. Even splitting is ridiculous, but I would be tempted to buy them both something generous, except they are being entitled shits and I don't know the family dynamic so maybe not.

CheeSupreme1743 wrote:

NTA. Your parents shouldn't be neutral at all. They should say, while maybe "unfair" in their eyes, they aren't entitled to other people's money or possessions. It was your birth mother's money. It was your birth mother's choice to leave you her estate.

She felt that pull to you and she has ZERO relationship or reason to have that split among your siblings. It was never intended for that. What was once her's is now yours. If you want to share a little bit with them, that's your choice. But you have no obligation to do so.

If you decide to keep it all for yourself to set your future on a strong path forward, then you enjoy that path. Life can be very unfair at times, unfortunately, and we have to learn to just deal with it the best we can. I would love to have been born into a wealthy family or have a supermodel body...but I am very happy with who I am and where I've gone with my life.

Upper-File462 wrote:

NTA. They are NOT and will never be entitled to it. The valuable lesson you just learned is that they value money over their relationship with you. Which means they are not good people. Keep that money safe and away from vultures.

Sorry, but the only thing you can really do going forward is spend less time with them and be evasive. And be wary of them apologising and asking you for money, thinking they've softened you up - people can get manipulative when it comes to money.