'WIBTA for keeping my distance after my husband’s BFF blindsided me before our wedding?'

"WIBTA for keeping my distance after my husband’s best friend blindsided me before our wedding—and changed everything?"

Hello there! I’m hoping for some advice or outside perspective.

My husband and I got married a few months ago. During our engagement, we hosted a themed party with help from a few friends—including my two best friends and my husband’s best friend, “P,” who at the time was also supposed to be his best man.

The party setup itself was chaotic (partly our fault due to delivery timing issues), but it was full of love. I gave a short speech thanking everyone who helped, apologized, and even acknowledged the stress of it all. We assumed everything was fine—especially since we ended up covering a $1,000 overtime fee and extended the open bar because everyone was having such a great time… or so we thought.

About a month later, we invited P to the movies. He seemed distant, but we figured it was because of serious family issues—he has a very ill parent, and I actually relate to that personally. I work in the medical field and I’ve been managing care for a sick parent myself, so I assumed if anything was on his mind, it was that. We even told him we were here for him.

Later that night, he called and asked to speak to just me. I assumed it was something personal about his family situation, and because we live in the same apartment building (yes, it’s weird), I went downstairs to his apartment. I greeted him in the hallway, and he asked me to come in. Once inside, he positioned himself in front of the door, which was unsettling.

Then—completely out of nowhere—he told me how hurt he was that I hadn’t personally thanked him at the engagement party. He said he felt “used,” “like chopped liver,” and that I didn’t acknowledge him (not “we,” just me). He even said, “as a woman who’s so detail-oriented,” I “should have known better.” I was stunned. It felt like an ambush, and the energy was honestly kind of aggressive.

I apologized—mainly because I was shocked and wanted to deescalate—but I also explained that of course we were grateful, and that it wasn’t just my party. It was ours. It hurt to be accused of being inconsiderate when I had absolutely no intention of leaving anyone out.

My husband was shocked—not just that P confronted me instead of him, but that he made me feel uncomfortable and singled out. It immediately created tension between us. At one point, my husband even said he wanted to go downstairs and punch him in the face (which I talked him out of)—but that’s how thrown he was.

That said, one of the things I love most about my husband is how hard he tries to see the good in people. He was hurt and upset, but he still made a real effort to be the peacemaker. He had conversations with P, tried to understand where he was coming from, and hoped the situation could be resolved with some maturity. Unfortunately, despite those efforts, things only got messier.

P started slowly dropping the ball on his best man duties—no follow-through, and noticeably weird energy. My husband and I would talk about how to approach the situation, because it just started to feel off.

A few of our mutual friends began to distance themselves too, especially after P abruptly ended a 15-year friendship with a close female friend because she “didn’t spend enough time” with him at her baby shower. So… yeah.

Looking back, I’ve also realized something that didn’t register right away. P tends to direct his emotional grievances almost exclusively toward women. He came to me about the engagement party—not my husband. He ended a long friendship with a female friend over how much attention she gave him at her baby shower.

And during our talk, he even framed it like, “as a woman, you should’ve known better,” which really rubbed me the wrong way. Eventually, we quietly shifted best man responsibilities to someone else. P still came to the wedding, but he got food poisoning and missed everything except the ceremony. (Maybe karma?)

The wedding itself was beautiful, and ironically, the whole situation brought my husband and me even closer. It forced us to communicate better, show up for each other, and protect our peace. So I guess it happened for a reason?

P never apologized to me, and he barely reached out afterward. My husband has since said he’s done putting himself in that position and no longer considers P a close friend. He told me he’s only open to seeing him if P initiates and is intentional about it.

Recently, my husband ran into P, and P actually extended an invite to hang out next week. So I guess he’s trying to come back around. That’s why I’m wondering how I should handle things if I see him again—especially since the history between us is still pretty uncomfortable.

As for me? I don’t want a friendship with P anymore. I’ve made peace with that. I’m still disappointed and, honestly, a little angry. I’m not asking my husband to choose sides—I never did. But I do want my boundaries to be respected. I also don’t want to pretend like nothing happened if we run into each other again (because yes… we still live in the same building… sigh).

So, how do I handle this if/when I run into him? Do I just keep it surface-level and civil? Do I bring it up if he does? Or is it better to let sleeping dogs lie?

WIBTA if I keep my distance?

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what commenters had to say:

VioletFlames13 said:

Surface level and civil, but he is not welcome in your home!

Not2daydear said:

He secluded you purposely to do that. He sounds like he has main character syndrome and likes playing victim. He stopped doing best man stuff to get back at you for not fawning over him. NTA.

Srvntgrrl_789 said:

YWNBTA for staying away from him altogether, but since you’re neighbors, keep it to a “hello/goodbye”, level as you pass each other in the lobby.

Ornery_Hospital_3500 said:

YWNBTA. Definitely don't let him in your home and keep your distance. Polite greeting but no chatting. He sounds creepy and weird.

Bond0017Bond said:

based on what you posted, I think you already instinctually know that he has an issue with women. Not sure what that issue stems from but I recommend keeping it very polite and civil. Also, keep your distance, but it is inevitable that you will run into him. You are very smart to do everything you can to de-escalate any situations that involve him.

And karebear66 said:

Never be alone with P again. You're bound to run into him. Just be civil. Do not engage in anything personal with him. If your husband wants to have a relationship with him, have him leave you out of it. NTA