'AITA for kicking my husband out because he accused me of having an affair with my BIL?' UPDATED
"AITA for kicking my husband out because he accused me of having an affair with my BIL?"
I 26f have been married to my husband (27m) for a year, I dated him for 5 years and finally got married to him last year, he's always been perfect for me and I simply cannot understand why he is acting like this all of a sudden and so suspicious about me and my bil
I didn't even know that my husband was insecure about my relation with my bil, I got to know about it from my bil and I don't like this at all, I also don't want to ruin my perfect marriage over some misunderstanding but I am really mad at my husband for not trusting me.
I always had a great relationship with my bil, he's 3 years younger than me, ever since my husband introduced me to his family I and my bil got along, I think of him as my younger brother, it's kinda funny that I get along with him more than my own brothers and we joke about it
My bil is very Frank with me and so am I, he often jokes and makes me laugh, in front of our family or if we spend time alone and he always helps me which is why we are so damn close to each other
Like 7 months ago when I was i was sick, my husband wasn't present to help me he was in a different city because of his new job, it was my bil who helped me and stayed with me for a week, he helped me with chores, cooking, laundry, even when I asked him to not let me bother him he just said 'sis it's my responsibility to help you and take care of you in my brother's absence'.
But 3 months ago my bil got distant, usually my bil used to check up on me and call me every few days but he got distant, he would come over for dinner and spend time with me when I am alone but he stopped, I thought maybe he is going through something, I asked him but he just brushed it off
But he started avoiding me more and stopped visiting me and I started growing anxious so I visited him 4 days ago, I wanted to know the reason, after I visited him and pressured him he told me that his brother asked him to stay away from me and he doesn't like the fact that we are so close especially when he's not around and he finds our close bond disgusting
I hugged him and said that I will talk to my husband and comforted him cause I think he's just as hurt as I am, my husband is accusing his brother and his wife and it's disgusting, I love both men, the only difference is I love my husband romantically and s&^%ally and I love my bil because I think of him as my brother
Anyway I confronted my husband and he kept telling me and explaining himself how he wanted to hide it from me and how he thinks that me being close to my bil is icky and people will judge us etc etc
I said f&^%those who think about us like this and I don't care, I will continue to be 'close' to my bil and I am disappointed that you have so little trust in me and your own brother, he said he's sorry, I told him to get out and do not return until I tell you
My husband left but he constantly calls me and texts me, I reply to him and ask him how he's doing etc but I didn't tell him to come back even tho he has asked me alot, I am still angry at him for how he's thinking, so AITA for kicking my husband out? I don't like that I kicked my husband but I am angry and hate the way he's thinking
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Is there the possibility that ur Bil has feeling for you and that is what ur husband is picking up on?
Update BIL moved in lol
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you can't understand at all where this is coming from? Seems pretty obvious to me.
They are obviously having an affair.
Your BIL isn't acting like a brother, he's acting like a boyfriend.
He:
• comforts you when your husband is away
• he "helps you out" when you're alone and that's why you're "so damn close"
• took care of you for a week and stayed at your house while doing so
• says he has to act this way due to your husband being absent
And you're acting like a girlfriend. You provided physical comfort to this man right after he told you your husband wasn't okay with it. YTA
No-Heart3827 OP responded:
F^$% no, my bil isn't acting like a 'boyfriend' and I am not acting like his 'girlfriend'
I am married and my bil looks out for me when my husband isn't present to help me, and why is it so bad for me to share a roof with my bil? I am instead very happy that my husband's family is so accepting and helpful to me, I was sick so he stayed with me, i am sure if my husband's parents know about this they will back us up instead thinking about this disgusting shit
Also no, I didn't provide 'physical comfort' to my bil, I gave him a hug, which I have been doing for years, I am not ashamed of hugging him, alone or in front of everyone because I think of him as my brother
2 days later OP came back with this update:
I posted 2 days ago and realised that I truly fucked up by kicking him out and dismissing his concern with my bil, and for those who are asking me if I am in bil's sheets or I got the hots for him, I don't and it's disgusting.
i truly think of him as my younger brother and always thought of him as one I would never cheat on my husband and I kicked him out of 'his' house because I was pissed at him for accusing me of having an affair with his own brother
My husband indirectly accused me of having an affair and there's no way he can justify it, if my bil, my brother ever hinted or asked me that he wants to be with me I would literally slap him and tell everyone in our family especially my husband and avoid him.
But after all these years I know that my bil thinks of me as his sister and I adore him, he stayed with me and visits me cause he is concerned about me so stop with disgusting dms and replies 🤢
Anyway I asked my husband to come back and told him it's better for us to talk it out than just stay apart and become paranoid, my husband came back and told me that he dont like how close I am with my bil, he said that his friends keep telling him that he and his brother are sharing a woman and tease him.
I asked him what does he want, I asked does he want me to stay away from his brother? He said he does, I said then I will do it, I will not talk to his brother as much and forget about treating him as MY brother.
I called my bil and told him that we should stay away from each other and should only interact when our family members are present and keep it minimal, he said he is okay with it and he has been thinking about it and he thinks it's not worth so much drama and will keep his distance from me.
My bil asked me to pass the phone to my husband and my bil apologized to my husband and said he would stay away from me and won't be as close to me as he was before, they talked and agreed and now my bil is going to avoid me, which is better than my husband being mad at me and avoiding me.
But I told my husband that he better not think about that I would 'secretly' meet his brother, we both were transparent and never hid anything from you, if I am losing my friend and my brother just because he's your brother and known him for years then I will stay away from all men but don't you dare suspect me of cheating ever again
I said that he's not allowed to stay close to other women either, his friends or cousins or my cousins, because it goes both ways, I stay away from his brother and cousins and he does the same, he agreed and he's back
But it doesn't feel the same way to me? I feel like he accused me of sleeping with someone else and that to with his own damn brother, I know my brother or bil I guess wouldn't betray his brother and even I am to stay away from him my husband would think that I am cheating when he's not around and I don't feel comfortable about this.
I love my husband because he's mine s^#$%lly physically, but I also love my bil emotionally cause I think and treat of him as my brother
I have no idea if I could have handled my situation any better cause I am also currently angry about all this
Here's what people had to say about OP:
Your husband never accused you of having an affair, if he believed you were cheating with his brother he would be divorcing you not telling him to distance himself. And you do know this.
Your husband asked his brother to mind his own business because you two were closer than what is appropriate and this is a fact most people here agreed with. And I believe this is why you are so angry and this anger points out that your husband was right.
You may think it's ok and it would never happen but the way you talk about your BIL reeks of an emotional affair about to happen. And all things considered your husband made the right call.
I just read your original post and you were 100% in the wrong with how you treated your husband. He never accused you of having an affair and you blew everything out of proportion. You should have respected his boundaries.
You only know your bil because of your husband and yet you put your relationship with him above your husbands feelings. You are an AH and should be figuring out how to properly apologize to your husband instead of convincing yourself you’re a victim.
Your demands just heightened his suspicions that you will go behind his back.
No-Heart3827 OP responded:
No, if he's still suspicious of me then we do not trust each other and we should divorce.
If I were to go behind my husband's back and sleep with his brother why would we even tell him the truth? We can continue 'our affair' while my husband is away? Hell I can even have 'affairs' with other men when he's not around and nobody would know about it at least not now but me and my brother informed and kept updating my husband whenever he was around and when he stayed with me.
I think it's perfectly reasonable that to fix my marriage I should stay away from other men and not be as close as I am to bil and he does the same, i think it should go both ways and we should stop suspecting each other of all this disgusting s&^%
Well this sounds like a couple that's going to divorce.
It's so very childish sounds like a brother sister bond nothing more nothing less hubby should grow up
Ah yes, ultimatums and limits on which gender you can hang out with are both signs of a healthy relationship. I do not foresee an update where their relationship implodes.