Husband increasingly uncomfortable with SIL's 'inappropriate behavior; 'Every boundary, she's crossed.' AITA?
"WIBTA if kick my sister in law out because her behaviour is bordering on inappropriate?"
ace_ventura1296
Me (M38) and wife (F34) have been married for 7 years and have a decent partnership going on. A few months back my wife recieved a call from one of her close relatives stating that their daughter (my wife's cousin) V (f21) would be taking admission in a college in our city.
They wanted to know if she can put up with us as the rent in our city is sky high and her parents have limited funds to spare. She discussed it me and we happily agreed as we have a 4-year-old daughter and we thought maybe it'll do her some good to have someone else in the house as well. Plus I'd met her parents a couple of times and I found them to geniunely warm people.
V moved in a couple of weeks later. We had a spare bedroom which we prepared for her which she really liked. I helped her with all the formalities of college and we also got a bus pass made for her so she could commute to and fro from fcollege.
Initially everything was going well. My daughter loved her aunt and she would spent a lot of time with V. It also took some load of my wife as being with a child 24/7 can cause a lot of stress. But after a couple of months, I started noticing weired behaviour on her part.
Firstly she came home one day and announced that she had lost her bus pass and requested that I drop her to college on my way to office untill she gets her pass issued again. Which I thought was an honest mistake and could happen to anybody.
But it was during those rides that i felt something wiered was going on. First couple of days were fine but on the third day she started asking me questions about our marriage life. How did we meet? who initiated the contact?
How was the marriage going? Again I thought she was just being curious. But then her questions started getting a bit personal. When did we do "it" for the first time? Do you guys still find time to have intimacy after kids? I told her she doesn't have to worry about all that and she should focus on her studies.
Then she even had the guts to ask me if I am still attracted to my wife as many men lose interest in their wives after a kid. Again I brushed her off. If I asked her how her college was going, the only things she would tell me is how all the boys keep checking her out and flirting with her.
Nothing about education standards or professional studies. It took almost three weeks for her to get her pass renewed which ideally takes only a day or two and that too after I told her that I might not be able to do this daily as I have to take a detour every day. This was just the start.
I also noticed a change in her behavious at home. She would time and again try an initiate physical contact. Like when we were sitting in the living room and watching tv she would suddenly rest her feet on my lap even though there was an empty three seater where she could have easily stretched her legs.
The thing which made me suspect her behaviour even more was that she would hardly talk to me in the presence of my wife. But whenever my wife was away, it felt like she was a completely different person.
She even asked me for my insta I'd and when i told her that I am not on insta she started showing me her pics from her insta profile. I tried telling this to me wife but she brushed it off as innocent banter.
Now to the incident that has triggered me. My wife is visiting her parents' house for a few days alongwith our daughter. I usually come back from office at around 6 in the evening and head straight to the shower.
Usually V comes back from her college at around 5 and sticks to her room untill its time for dinner when we all gather together. So I reached home like always, glanced at her room and saw the door closed, I assumed she was back from college.
I proceeded to take a shower before starting prep for dinner. But the moment I stepped out of the bathroom I saw her standing in our bedroom going through my wife's wardrobe.
I shrieked as I was just in a towel. She heard my voice and turned to face me with a suprised look on her face. Before I could say anything she started explaining that her clothes were in the dryer and she was looking for something comfy to wear in my wife's closet and she didn't know that I was home.
I told her that she can do it after I finish dressing up. She apologised again and left the room. I found her explainaition a bit hard to believe as i always came back from office at the same time and she should have known better.
Later when I called her out for dinner I was surprised to see what she was wearing. Normally she would always dress up in modest clothes whenever my wife was around, but today she came out of her room wearing the tiniest of shorts I'd ever seen her wearing coupled with a thin strap sphagetti sort of top.
She never wore something like this when my wife was around. Needless to say the dinner was awkward. Just when I was about to convince myself in the head that I am thinking too much she suddenly asks me "Do you like girls in see through clothes?"
I was shocked to hear the question and asked "what ?" to which she says " I saw quiet a few see through tops and lingerie in M's (my wife) closet" I didn't know what to say. I just told her that my wife buys whatever clothes she likes and I have no role to play in clothing choice.
Before she could ask anymore stupid questions I told her that I am taking dinner to my room as I have a presentation to finish and took my plate and walked back to the bedroom.
Now I am sitting in my bedroom and wandering what to do. My wife is suppose to be back day after and I am not sure how to approach her about this. I don't want my wife to feel that her relatives are not welcome at our house.
Plus I am also worried about how the situation is going to play out if we kick her out. I don't want to put additional financial burden on her parents and I am also worried if I am reading too much into the situation and it could actually be a genuine mistake on her part.
Would I be the AH if I kick her out of the house. I find it hard to believe that all this could just be a coincidence or honest mistake. I just callled my wife and told her about the wardrobe and dinner incident. Also told her that we need to discuss the issue ASAP once she's back.
She says she'll talk it out with her once she's back. Meanwhile i've decided not to interact with V untill my wife arrives. I feel it would be better that any interaction with V now happens in presence of my wife.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
UpsetJump9455
Speak to your wife calmly and lay out everything that’s happened, being as factual as possible. Make it clear this isn’t about rejecting her family but about protecting your household from inappropriate behavior. If your wife dismisses it again, stand firm and suggest alternative living arrangements for her cousin to avoid further complications.
PompeyLulu
Also don’t imply anything. As soon as you start saying you think she’s trying to make moves it becomes about if she would do that, your ego etc. Stick with she’s doing these things and they make you uncomfortable.
ace_ventura1296 (OP)
Hi, thanks for your suggestion. I was planning to do what you have suggested. But there is something which I missed out in the post was that after her arrival. My wife has finally been able to find some time for herself.
My daughter really enjoys playing with her aunt and this gives my wife the much needed 'me time' which to be honest, she hasn't had much of since the baby's arrival. One of my worries is that once the cousin leaves things will get difficult for her again.
writing_mm_romance
You should order and install cameras throughout the common areas of your house. This girl has become infatuated with you and that can be dangerous if you reject her. It can also provide you the proof it sounds like you'll need to convince your wife.
Meantime, distance yourself. If there is a situation that you can't avoid her, use a recording app on your phone. (If you reject her she may accuse you of pursuing her, or worse, of forcing yourself on her.)
seductive_luxx
Her parents' financial burden isn’t your responsibility, and prioritizing your family’s comfort and safety is entirely fair.