'AITA if I kicked my little sister out of my home since she refuses to watch my kids?'
"AITA if I asked my sister to leave my house since she refuses to watch my kids?"
A little background story. I (27F) married my husband (32M). Have two kids (11F) and (2M). Two years ago I asked my little sister who was 20 at the time and she will turn 22 in a month to come live with us and help out with kids as I needed. She was in a toxic relationship she needed a place to stay. At first it was for her to get back on her feet since she's getting out of the situation.
The initial thing was that we will pay her $200/ week to watch our 4 months old at the time( M-F 6:30am till 2pm)and she could use my car anytime she needed to and she wanted an afternoon job that was totally fine, she happily accepted. A month had passed and she told her shes getting depressed being inside every day she can't do this anymore. I told her that's ok her mental health is very important.
But she should be able to watch the kids when we need her to like date night, ect... found someone else to watch our kid. Fast forward two years later, she works full time, doesn't pay any bills, doesn't help around the house, not even washing the dishes or take out the trash or cook dinner or even buy groceries or things the house needs. Like no help at all.
Last week my husband and I went out for a bit, mind you we asked her the weekend before if she could watch the kids and she said yes. Within an hour of us being out. My husband and I received this:
"I just want to say this to get this off my chest this isnt an attack and this isnt me being ungrateful i just want you guys to try to consider my point of view, and my point of view is that i don’t appreciate being used as a service whenever it’s convenient for yall, i understand this is 'all im good for' but there are some days where i dont want to come home after a 9 hour shift and watch a baby.
i didnt decide to have children. you guys did . and the only person who ever appreciates me for it and only thanks me for it is (my husband)so it has been building up inside me and causing resentment that my own sister will refuse to recognize my accomplishments because its 'what im supposed to do' i appreciate staying here rent free and ive appreciated the opportunity being given to me,
but i dont feel like i should dedicate my life to you guys. its like now im being asked to watch the kids like its already a given and that its not something i can ever say no to because when i do say no im treated like voldemort.
it feels like an obligation when it should feel like a choice. i felt like the time frame should have been more discussed because i was under the impression i was watching him till 630 not 930. thank you for taking the time to read this again im not attacking i just want to ask for more clarity."
At this point that is all she's good for, watching the kids for us for a few hours once or twice a week. And the accomplishment she's referring to is getting her high school diploma at the age of 21 because she dropped out of school a few months before graduating. She still uses my cat when needed to go to her BF house or work. At this point I am fed up and just can't take it anymore.
My husband tells me she is my sister and I need to handle it and he is tired of taking care of a grown as adult. So would i be the AH if i ask her to leave my house since she refuses to watch the kids when needed? I know that is long but feel free to ask any questions.
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
koifishyfishy said:
NTA. "It sounds like this arrangement is no longer working for everyone involved and it's time for you to find other housing". Living rent-free for two years while she works full time means she should have some savings. If she doesn't, that's on her. Give her a written notice to vacate, with the number of days required by state and/or local law, since she is considered a tenant.
TALKTOME0701 said:
NTA She says it's a given she'll watch the kids even though you hired a nanny so she wouldn't have to watch the kids? She has enjoyed your largesse for long enough.
Just don't frame it as a punishment. Tell her you're glad you were there for her when she needed it and after thinking about her text, you can't have her feeling used. You'd like to give her 2 months to find her own place unless she'd like to leave immediately. Put it in writing and don't back down.
Don't go back and forth over what was agreed and whether or not you're angry. She doesn't deserve your energy. She's an ungrateful ass who has started to not just take it for granted but is trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband (only HE thanks me!) No. This will not do, OP.
She is a drain on your resources both emotional and financial. let her go somewhere she'll get all the appreciation she thinks she deserves.
LividIdeal791 said:
NTA— time for her to go. She has a job of her own. She can go figure out life on her own. Let her move out and then maybe you guys can be friends in the future. Her living with you will be the end of your relationship.
And StatisticianOther467 said:
NTA. Since she can’t help with the kids, she needs to be charged rent for the room she’s staying in. She also needs to be doing some household chores. If not, then she’s gotta go.