'AITA for kicking out my dad after he said he 'couldn’t afford to feed me anymore'?'
"AITA for kicking out my dad after he said he 'couldn’t afford to feed me anymore'?"
Here’s the backstory. 28M, got my own house now. Moved out at 18, not really by choice—my dad basically pushed me out. Our relationship’s been rocky since then. He’s always been a huge drinker and smoker, which caused plenty of issues back then.
Fast forward, he lost his house a couple of months ago, didn’t keep up with loan payments. So he calls me up, says he needs a place to stay while he gets back on his feet.
I laid out a few ground rules: either pay rent ($400) or cover groceries (about $250-300), and absolutely no smoking in the house. He laughs, says “I’m your father; I shouldn’t have to pay.” But I don’t budge, so he reluctantly agrees to buy groceries.
From the moment he moves in, it’s just one problem after another. Leaves a mess everywhere, doesn’t clean up, smokes inside even though I made it clear that’s a no-go, and drinks like there’s no tomorrow. Then, one day, I have a girl over—and he just has this meltdown over it. So I tell him, listen, if he can’t respect my space, he’ll have to find somewhere else to stay.
Things settle for a bit, but last week, he hits me with “I don’t have the money to buy groceries this month.” I’m like, why? He says, “Well, you eat a lot,” and admits he spent all his cash on smokes and drinks. That was it for me. I was done with him acting like he owned the place, done with the flashbacks to dealing with him as a teen. I told him to pack up and leave.
So… AITAH? I set clear boundaries, he didn’t follow through.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your house, your rules. When the bills come in his name, then he can run his house the way he wants.
NTA and good on you OP. Likely some people may tell you how mean you are.
The response to those folks is you will be happy to provide your dad with the info they would like to house him until he gets back in his feet. That should quiet things considerably.
NTA. I'm guessing at some point he's used the phrase "my house, my rules", and that's a sword that cuts both ways.
Lanky-Ad2666 OP responded:
He did. He most definitely did.
NTA. Kick him out. Apparently, losing his own house wasn't consequence enough for him to realise that he needs to change some things in his life. So, as he disrespected your reasonable rules, he needs to feel the consequences by losing the place he could stay again.
And in case he gets family and friends involved, what inevitably will happen, you can tell everybody who says you should let him stay, that they are welcome to open their home for your dad and offer him to stay with them.
Lanky-Ad2666 OP responded:
"And in case he gets family and friends involved, what inevitably will happen." I'm already painted black in front of most family members. I don't know what they're going to tell me which they haven't already said earlier lol.
After reading the comments OP came back with these edits:
Edit: I never thought my post would garner so many reactions. I'm glad I'm not TA, and thank you all for your support. I'd like to clear out a few things-
1. No we didn't have a formal contract when he moved in. It was oral based. Kicking him out won't be easy, as police don't tend to offer much support to a son in relation to the father. The societal response is that a son should take care of his old parents.
2. This was one of the reasons I agreed to take him in. Like if I could do something good for him, maybe he'd change his view about me. The feeling of being validated by my own dad after years of neglect was strong, ngl. I see now how foolish it was to take him in.
3. How I'd get him out if he refuses to leave? He would go out to buy his supplies, I'd change locks the moment he leaves, and go out too. If he breaks anything, then it's cop time.
geeeorgieee said:
NTA. His ‘I shouldn’t have to pay’ showed his respect for you before he even moved in. Give him a months notice maybe, but that is as far as your charity should go.
Lanky-Ad2666 OP responded:
I gave him until the first week of November. The only things he actually needs to pack are his drinks and smokes. He had stored almost everything from his house in storage