AITA for kicking a nanny out of play-group?
I’m a nanny to 3 kids, 22 mo f, 3m, 3f. A few other nannies and I have an informal play group at the park. The way playgroup works is that we meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays. There’s 9 nannies in the group and everyone is responsible for 1 day per month on a rotating basis. When it’s your week, you bring snacks, drinks, and some type of toy or activity.
Snacks are usually something like Cheerios and bananas with a capri sun. Activities vary, one girl brings a huge bubble set, another person has a bucket of sand toys, on hot days there’s a lot of water guns and water balloons, we do chalk a lot, sometimes it’s some kind of nature art, we’ve even done bug hunting and collecting. The kids love it and it’s great to only find activities once a month.
There’s a nanny, Alexandra, with 1 child, 4m. She joined a few months ago and on her first month, she showed up with a dollar store pack of chalk for 20 kids, no snack, and no drink.
She said she forgot to tell her boss it was their turn to bring an activity so she had to pick something up on the way. Luckily, another nanny was already prepared for her turn the following Thursday so she covered for Alexandra.
The next month she was “sick” and needed someone to cover her day. I agreed to do it, then she showed up saying she was feeling better. The following month she never showed up. I talked to the other nannies and we agreed that Alexandra was no longer allowed to join the group because she clearly doesn’t want to do her part in the group.
I have another job working for the city. I teach infant and toddler music and dance classes and run a parent and me class at the city run preschools. After kicking Alexandra out of the group, my boss started getting complainants that I’m discriminating against families based on race and income.
The other nanny that runs the group with me is also getting complainants to her boss. She came to the group last week and we had to tell her and the kid that they weren’t able to join us. Now the group is wondering if we shouldn’t have kicked Alexandra out because now she’s making things difficult.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Medical-Aide5586 wrote:
This is not an issue for the Nannies. This is an employers/parents issue. Who pays for the materials (food games etc) - should be the employers. Do the parents want to subsidize nonpaying families/kids? Alexandria proved to be unreliable in terms of participation and attendance -if she cannot contribute to the group, she is removing herself from the group. NTA.
OP responded:
The employers pay for materials. Nannies have to inform the employers that they need to provide a snack, drink, and activity.
YesterdaySimilar2069 wrote:
This is a super messed up situation as the nanny could cause you serious professional consequences. Have you discussed that aspect of the situation with your boss? Maybe the other nanny can back you up with what you suspect is happening, as well as, you for her?
For future, social contracts like this are tricky. She’s clearly blaming you for being ejected from the group. You and your friend took on the leadership roles, which means you’re taking on risk for very little gain. Professionally speaking I’d recommend either stepping back or having set “contract” for the group so you can point to it in the future with issues like this.
For this current issue it’s really about supporting each other and covering your own butts professionally. Let your boss know your suspicions and ask about how you can ensure this won’t affect your career. Keep your heads down around the nutty nanny. Her behavior is kind of proving the point of why you booted her. You’re best served by doing whatever you can to avoid her without it causing a significant stir.
OP responded:
My boss already assured me that this complaint will not affect my job. I was working with her to turn the play group into a more professional group run by the city, with me running day to day operations, and the complaints can affect that.
JallenRix wrote:
Did you not notify Alexandra that she was no longer welcome to participate and why? If so, why did she just show up?
OP responded:
We did tell her that she was no longer welcome because of her history of not contributing.
CurrentTea3987 wrote:
If anything move the playgroup to a different location…I’m starting to wonder if she’s even a nanny or just some chick showing up with a kid.
OP responded:
We’ve considered it but it’s a pretty quiet park, decent parking, and a bunch of trails and streams nearby for nature walks.
RegretPowerful3 wrote:
NTA. However, if your boss asks again why you are getting these complaints, you need to tell the truth. Your other job is being a nanny and you have an informal nanny get together where each week, a nanny brings drink, a snack, and an activity each week.
One nanny would not comply with these rules and as a group, you had to tell this nanny that they could not be part of the group. If this nanny (or child) was of different race or income, this might be relevant to add. The other nanny should do the same.
OP responded:
My boss already knows the details. This will not affect my job with the city.