'AITA for kicking my best friend out after he refused to help with bills and talked behind my back?'
"AITA for kicking my best friend out after he refused to help with bills and talked behind my back?"
I (23F) recently ended a long-time friendship with Roman (24M, trans). We met in a group home in 2015 and became like family. We supported each other through everything—homelessness, toxic families, money troubles. He moved to California and transitioned, and I hadn’t seen him since 2018.
In May 2024, he got dumped and was couch-hopping, so I helped pay for his flight to visit me for his birthday. I didn’t have much—I was a virtual assistant with a small stipend—but I covered food, clothes, nails, and even a trip to the water park. I gave him my bed and slept on the couch (I had 10-month-old daughter at the time) because, in my African culture, you treat guests like family.
He’s my daughter’s godfather and was great with her, so I trusted him. Things started off fine. His family even showed up unannounced and stayed over—I let it slide. We went out a lot, celebrated birthdays, and he got me balloons (no gift, but I wasn’t pressed). But come July, I told him my stipend was ending and asked if he could pitch in for bills.
He said yes—he has a big social media following, sold ebooks, and crowdfunded before. I even suggested we apply to local jobs. But still—nothing. No job. No money. Just Dollar Tree beans and hot dogs (that he couldn’t cook), while I stretched my savings to feed 3 people.
I brought it up again, and he got offended, saying I wasn’t being a good friend. I told him even strangers can’t live rent-free. He said we weren’t best friends anymore, so I gave him a few days to leave. That line broke me.
I had my baby’s father pick up our daughter so I could cool off.
Then my baby daddy called and said another friend, Tyler, was outside. I had him circle back and, sure enough, Roman was in Tyler’s car talking about me. I was pissed. Tyler didn’t ask what was going on—he just pulled up for drama. I told Roman to pack up and go to his mom’s. He said, “You know I don’t have anyone.” I’m like…you got support. You’ll figure it out.
15 minutes later, police showed up. Roman called them to “mediate” like I was holding him hostage. I was stunned. I recorded everything. He packed, returned my key, and I told both him and Tyler to leave and never come back. I also revoked their godparent titles. Haven’t spoken to either since. AITA for kicking him out after he disrespected me, didn’t contribute, and then called the cops?
Edit: I feel kinda used. For years, I supported him, celebrated his milestones—but for my graduation, my birthdays, my gender reveal—he never came. But when his girlfriend kicked him out? Suddenly he wanted to fly out and “reconnect”? Looking back, I feel like I was only useful when he needed something.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
hurr4drama wrote:
NTA. He called the c#ps on you? In America or??? Cuz you said you’re of African descent, I just can’t imagine being so entitled and disrespectful as to call the p#$ice to what? Force a Black woman to let you live in her house rent free????
Roman was probably never your friend, you were just too nice. Relax knowing he and Tyler do not deserve any of your time or compassion. He’s been homeless before it sounds like. So at least it’s not his first bout.
OP responded:
Exactly! I was blown away. Yes, this all happened in the U.S. and as a Black woman, having the police show up at my door because he felt entitled to live in my home rent-free? And for them to meditate, like I was going to harm him ? That was beyond disrespectful and honestly nerve wrecking.
What’s wild is that Roman has been homeless before, living in Airbnbs or his partners mom’s house, but somehow always had money to travel—Bali, the Dominican Republic, you name it. He’d crowdfund from his followers and always portrayed himself as this spiritually enlightened survivor, but looking back, it was a facade.
I should’ve trusted my gut sooner—especially after learning that his ex actually wrote a whole blog exposing how he manipulated and financially leeched off them too. I really was just trying to help someone I thought was family, but now I see he never truly valued me—only what he could take.
LiveKindly01 wrote:
Roman has some mental problems. You're a mom and you don't need a freeloading, guilt-tripping mooch in your home. And you gave up your bed to sleep on the couch? No. Stop being a doormat and focus on being a mom. One who stands up for herself like you just did. NTA.
OP responded:
Thank you for this. It really means a lot. At first, giving up my bed and doing the most was just me trying to be respectful—especially coming from a culture where guests are treated with high regard. But after a while, I realized he had me all the way fucked up and abused my kindness.
I think I was holding onto the history of our friendship and ignoring how much things had shifted. I’m learning now that setting boundaries isn’t being mean—it’s protecting my peace.
adhdriddled wrote:
I don't think you're TA for asking for money/kicking him out and being upset at his reactions, but why did you specify his gender identity? Like you could literally just say he and his parents are no contact (or whatever their situation is).
OP responded:
I mentioned his transition and background because it’s part of the history of our friendship. When we met, he hadn’t transitioned yet, and I hadn’t seen him in person since before that, so it felt like a big moment reconnecting after all those years. Plus why would I let a grown Cis man sleep in my bed with my daughter in the crib right next to it? Even as an African woman I wouldn’t allow that.
He’d be right in the living room on a blow up mattress if that was the case. It wasn’t meant to be a dig or irrelevant detail—it was part of the timeline and why I was genuinely excited to see him again after everything we’d both been through. I see how it might’ve felt unnecessary to others though, and I appreciate you pointing it out.
AstariaEriol wrote:
I can’t imagine the cops showing up here within 15 minutes for anything not involving a gun or a d#$d body.
OP responded:
Right?! I was just as shocked. I didn’t act crazy or even touch him—I literally just asked him to leave. But boom, 15 minutes later, cops are at my door like I’m some kind of threat.