"AITA for kicking my best friend out of my wedding party because of her husband?"

Buckle up......

I (23f) got engaged two Decembers ago. My wedding date was this past June. I asked my best friend (23f) to be my maid of honor a year before the wedding. It was a no brainer for me.

She was my best friend. Last September, we started planning my bachelorette. I wanted to go to the beach and all my bridesmaids were down. We decided on Memorial Day weekend and that we would fly/drive down there that Thursday and come back on Memorial Day, Monday. So myself and all my bridesmaids took off work that Thursday and Friday.

January, we were wanting to book something and were pretty set on what we were going to go with. My best friend texted me asking to move the date because of her summer clinical (she's in nursing school) I said no. I felt awful but myself and all the girls had already taken off work and with my wedding being in June and my Bach party in May there was no other time to reschedule it to.

She wanted to move it to June but there was no way I could make that work with my wedding on the 29th. I had SO much going on that month. That's where our relationship began to get rocky. We talked less and less and when we did we were very short with each other. I even texted her and told her if she wanted to step down from the MOH roll she could. I really meant nothing by it.

She was in nursing school and also in the process of moving into a new house and I know how time consuming and expensive being MOH can be. I truly thought it take a little off her plate and I told her that, but she said she was fine.

She was even trying to plan a shower for me and offered to have it at her sister's house as well as a brunch with the wedding party since she couldn't come to the bachelorette. I thought maybe things were turning around but HERE WE GO...

On a random Tuesday morning in February, I receive a message from HER HUSBAND (22m) on SNAPCHAT that says "imma need you to figure your shit out! I'm tired of (insert her name) stressing about your terrible wedding event planning. It's a little messed up to have her be your maid of honor and she be the last priority for all your planning don't you think?"

.....I was absolutely FLOORED. I was working and all I responded back with was "I'm sorry...what???" I called my husband (my fiancé at the time, also 23m) because HERE'S ANOTHER KICKER...they were also best friends. My husband confronted him about the message I received from him, told him it was not okay.

Of course, he backed down and apologized to my husband, not to me. I was so shocked by this because she had not once brought up any kind of concern to me and WE WERE BEST FRIENDS. That whole day I waited for a text or call from her hoping she'd explain the situation but nothing. I was furious.

The next morning I sent her a text "You need to call me regarding the message I received from your husband" her response....."I need to call you? You can call him." So I called her that night, told her no one, especially someone's husband would talk to me that way. I told her it was rude and disrespectful. I told her I thought we were best friends and she could come to me with anything.

But why did her husband have to get involved? Especially because I had no idea she was feeling this way. Her response..she said she saw no problem with what he said to me and she has no control over messages. She also said she felt betrayed and left out. She kept asking "what about me? I'm the MOH"

This is when I became even more mad. I told her it was my wedding and my bachelorette. The conversation really went nowhere and we ended up hanging up. The FOLLOWING morning, I receive yet another message from her husband..."First of all I don't care if you're a girl or guy I will talk to you the same way. I will not apologize for what I said but apologize for making you upset.

If (insert her name) continues to be upset over your wedding we just won't come. I will ruin me and (insert my husband's name) friendship I really don't care." At this point IM DONE. My husband and I then agree to remove them both from the wedding party. The text I sent her that night stated "I really don’t know where all this miscommunication came from that escalated to this point between all of us.

Unfortunately I just cannot continue with someone who allows their significant other to disrespect me as a woman. And that last thing I need at my wedding is someone who is making it all about them. But I don’t think we will ever see eye to eye on this. After some reflection, (insert my huband’s name) and I think its best if we move on with the wedding without y’all and we all go our separate ways.

There’s no need for a response from either of you. Best of luck and blessings to you guys.” She calls me immediately. I dont answer but after about 6 or 7 calls I answer and she’s sobbing. Saying how she cant lose me as a friend and is sorry. I dont really buy it. I told her maybe we could work on things but im still very hurt by the situation. We haven’t spoken since.

I got married about a month ago and it was absolutely perfect. No drama. No words from them, but I still sometimes think about this. I dont regret my decision at all and think it was best. But was I the a$$hole????

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

arleigh0422 said:

NTA. Plans were made, unfortunately that’s one of the sh!tty parts of nursing school, zero flexibility. You can’t start making changes for all the other people for your wedding.

Bonnm42 said:

NTA it sounds like they were stressed about moving and nursing school and took it out on you. Also her Husband sounds like a coward. He apologized to your Husband, but than turned around and told you he wouldn’t apologize and then threatened to not come to your wedding and end your friendship. I say good for you for calling him on his bs. This guy sounds like he has a god complex

Mindless_Gap8026 said:

You had the dates planned for awhile. If you changed one time, I wonder how many more change requests from other people you might have got and each one would expect to get the same accommodation.

ACM915 said:

Sounds like she was not telling the whole truth to her husband and making you out to be the bad guy and the source of all her problems. So instead of reaching out and discussing this in a polite manner, her husband decided to go the nuclear route, which was extremely stupid on his part.

But he only ever heard her part of the story so it seems that they are rather toxic and it’s probably best if you never renew that friendship.

Unhappy_Wishbone_551 said:

I'm a nurse. Nursing school is probably the most stressful thing I've ever been through, and I've been through some sh!t. The rules suck are quite unfair and crazy harsh. But, they tell you that at the beginning and info on it is easily accessible. I definitely freaked out several times and lashed out at people, which was unacceptable.

But bf husband is completely out of line. It's insane how he thinks that's justified. And he's not in the program. He has to go. You did the right thing. She's going to have to miss important things bc of it. It goes with the schooling and often the job. She needs to get on board with that.

In the comments, OP shared some more info.:

Just to clear some things up:

1.) We all agreed on Memorial Day Weekend in September, and she asked if we could change it 4 months later in January because apparently that’s when she got her summer schedule. She had already agreed to Memorial Day weekend.

I said no, because at this point it had already been planned. Of course I was upset she said she couldn’t make it work, but again, the trip was going to be over a holiday weekend. Myself and my other bridesmaids tried talking her into flying down on Saturday or Friday after school.

2.) All of this was done over the phone because they live out of state. (She moved away because her husband is in the military…imagine that)