'AITA for yelling and kicking my boyfriend out for using the wrong scissors?'
"AITA for yelling and kicking my boyfriend out for using the wrong scissors?"
This whole incident happened a few days ago but he is still mad about it and I’m pissed as well. We’ve (29F, me, and 27M, him) been together about 7 months and live separately but he comes over often to my apartment to hang out.
I don’t really have any rules for my place beyond not bugging my cat and making sure to put my books back in their proper spot. However, there is something that he recently did that I didn’t even think to have a “rule” about because it just didn’t seem like it would be a problem.
When I first got my own place, I bought 5 pairs of scissors on top of my kitchen shears and crafting scissors. Just regular scissors with a decent edge. Growing up, my family was always misplacing scissors so my mom at one point established “scissor homes” for every room and would put a piece of ribbon on the scissors and around the cup you put the scissors in.
This worked really well and I did a similar setup in my apartment. 5 might seem overkill but I’ve found it to be helpful. Aside from the normal scissors, I do/did have a pair of nice fabric shears. If you’re into sewing or crafting in general, you know fabric scissors are very sharp and not the cheapest because they are meant only to cut fabric.
A couple of nights ago bf got to my place and I was finishing up dinner prep. He asked if there was anything he could do to help and I said I was fine since the food was almost done but would he mind breaking down some of the cardboard boxes in my living room.
He said sure and walked away. I finished cooking and went to find him. He wasn’t in the living room but I found him in my bedroom, cutting down the boxes with my fabric scissors.
I freaked out, yelled at him and arguably overreacted but I have no idea how he even had the idea to use those scissors when there was literally a pair of normal scissors two feet away on my desk and a box cutter on my kitchen counter he walked right by.
Not to mention I keep my fabric scissors in my sewing box whenever I’m not in the middle of a project and haven’t worked on anything sewing related in a while. Suffice to say the scissors are ruined and I did ask that he buy me a new pair.
He's pissed that I yelled at him and threw him out when he was just helping me out and doesn’t see what the big deal is since “they’re just fancy scissors.” His opinion is they cut the boxes better than regular scissors and he hadn’t seen me use them in a while.
He's also refusing to buy me new ones since they are not exactly cheap, and again, are “just scissors.” It sucks that we are now not talking because because of this and I can’t believe this is going to break us up.
I do think I overreacted a bit and did throw him out without dinner during our argument when he was just doing what I asked of him and I'm financially in a place where I can afford a new pair without much worry. AITA for not apologizing or at least being willing to get over this? It seems like such a small hill for what was a good relationship to die on.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA – He used a clearly specialized tool from your sewing box after walking past perfectly good options, then dismissed your (valid) frustration and refused to replace what he broke. It's not "just scissors" when it's something you care about and he disrespected your space, though, a soft soft ESH might be warranted.
I’m not normally a yeller and I think that caught him off guard as well but right now he’s more mad I won’t apologize for kicking him out of my apartment. I didn’t want us to keep yelling at each other and freaking out my cat so I thought that was the best course of action, but not as sure now.
You asked him to leave rather than you both continue yelling unproductively. He also refused to accept responsibility for damaging an important possession. I think separating was the smart decision at that time. No apology necessary.
The people here berating OP for overreacting likely don’t sew because otherwise they would know sewing scissors are super expensive and precision crafted for fabric. Using them for anything else ruins the edges irreparably. Also, to sewists, scissors are so beloved that some are passed down through generations. However, he probably didn’t know the significance of what he was doing at the time.
I don’t sew. But my aunt is a hairstylist and my cousin is a seamstress. They would probably beat me to death for using their very expensive scissors at all. Those are tools for their work. Those calling OP TA would have a conniption fit if she took their power tools and had a field day with them. Even if she doesn’t sew for a living, it’s still a specialized tool.
Why did he go out of his way to find scissors in another room when you had a box cutter? For me, NTA, i grew up knowing that the good scissors never got used for this kind of thing. And good scissors were the ones grandma kept for sewing. Even if he didn't know this, the fact he passed several other pairs irks me. My good crafting scissors run 60 at the store, so I'd be pissed too.
Why would he use any kind of scissors at all if he had a box cutter? Which is literally designed for...cutting boxes? The fact OP says there is a *chip in the middle* of the fabric shears only goes to show they weren't working very well for the job. Use the one right tool.
If someone took my fabric scissors and hacked away at cardboard with them, I'd throw him out too. NTA. Fabric scissors are expensive and its so easy to ruin them.
NTA. There’s no way that he went into your sewing box for those not knowing what he’s doing. He is teaching you not to ask him to do tasks. This is bulls**t. Throw the whole man away, with the scissors. Actually this is a cheap resolution. You can replace the scissors for under $100 but an eventual divorce is costly.