'AITA for kicking my brother and his new wife out of my house after they tried to 'redecorate' my dead daughter’s room while I was at work?'
"AITA for kicking my brother and his new wife out of my house after they tried to 'redecorate' my dead daughter’s room while I was at work?"
Puzzleheaded_Hour966
So, this is still pretty fresh, and I’m absolutely fuming. For context, I (38F) lost my daughter two years ago in a car accident. She was only 14, and ever since that day, I’ve kept her room exactly as she left it.
I don’t go in there often, but just knowing that it’s there, untouched, brings me comfort. It’s like having a piece of her still with me. Her posters, her art supplies, her clothes—all of it is still there. I can’t bring myself to change it.
Now, fast forward to a few months ago, my brother (34M) and his new wife (29F) had some financial issues after blowing a ton of money on a ridiculous, extravagant wedding. They asked if they could stay with me while they saved up for a place. Even though I wasn’t thrilled about it, I agreed because, well, family, right?
At first, things were fine—until recently. I noticed my sister-in-law making comments about how I "shouldn’t keep a shrine" and how it’s “time to move on.” I ignored her because frankly, it’s none of her damn business how I grieve my child. My brother mostly stayed quiet, but I could tell she was getting into his ear.
Anyway, I came home from work last week to a literal nightmare. I walked into my daughter’s room, and I kid you not, THEY HAD TAKEN DOWN ALL HER POSTERS, BOXED UP HER STUFF, AND HAD STARTED REPAINTING THE WALLS A HIDEOUS BEIGE.
They had moved in a bunch of generic furniture, hung up new curtains, and were apparently turning it into a guest room. I lost it—screaming, crying, the whole thing. I asked them what the hell they were thinking, and their response? My SIL had the NERVE to tell me they did it as a “favor” to help me “move on” because it was “unhealthy” for me to keep the room as it was.
I was shaking with rage. I told them to pack their stuff and get the hell out of my house immediately. My brother tried to calm me down, saying they meant well and were only trying to help me “let go.”
He even tried to make me feel guilty by saying they had nowhere else to go right now, as if that would make me suddenly forgive them for DESTROYING the last piece of my daughter I had left. I told them I didn’t care and that they had crossed an unforgivable line.
Now, my whole family is divided. My parents think I overreacted and say I’m being “heartless” for kicking them out. They keep saying, “They were just trying to help, they didn’t mean any harm,” and that I’m being too harsh because “people grieve differently.”
They’re even suggesting I apologize and let them move back in. My brother is still texting me, asking me to reconsider, saying they’re in a tough spot, but all I see when I look at him is betrayal. So, AITA for kicking them out and refusing to even consider letting them back in after what they did?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Sebscreen
NTA. Your parents can frankly shut the hell up. They know damn well your scumbag brother and his scumbag wife were trying to take over your daughter's room so they have more space for themselves and they still disrespected their granddaughter's memory to try and gaslight you otherwise. The utter nerve of your brother and SIL. They are the way they are precisely because no one has told them no before you.
KSknitter
I am wondering how her parents would feel if they "lost" a daughter to no contact. Let them know that it is the same thing, and they should be able to get over it pretty quickly based on their comments.
Fuzzy_Laugh_1117
And OP should tell her parents their son and DIL can damn well move in them since they're so bloody forgiving. If I were OP, I'd be hard pressed to ever speak to my brother and SIL again -- truly, what they did is unforgivable. It would also be a good while before I could forgive my parents for being so unfeeling & cold toward me and my personal journey of grieving.
Niccels11
It took me almost 5 years to dismantle a loved ones room after their passing. I still haven't emptied her closet. I'm looking for a cedar chest to move those things into. You don't move on. You learn to live with it. Don't listen to the flying monkey's because they are just that - monkey's. They just make noise and leave a mess. Sending you a huge virtual hug. NTA.
marv115
Hell NO, even if it was an simple storage room the had the nerve to "redecorate" and make decisions ABOUT YOUR HOME, the details only make it even more entitled. They can go to the parents houses if they are in tough spot.
BlasphemousButler
This right here. If there was no dead daughter and it was already a guest room and they decided to pack everything in it and paint the walls, I'd be kicking them out. They are lucky that this person is nice, because they deserved to get kicked IN for that.
AnnoyedRedheadedMom
NTA I'm so freaking LIVID for you. This is NC worthy. ANYONE who calls you "heartless" is pure evil. You've experienced the most gut wrenching loss and my heart breaks for you.
Guests don't get to have an additional guest room. They certainly don't get to touch anything you've already established as precious to you. Anyone who disagrees can take the entitled assholes in themselves.
Legitimate-You6437
So right and on top of that the brother is not even apologizing, he is just trying to guilt her because they have no place to go. To all the family saying your heartless why are they not opening their home to your brother and wife?
Frozefoots
This is more than worthy of a permanent disowning and no-contact. Absolutely unforgivable. NTA. Two years is merely a blink of an eye when it comes to grieving a child, and as you unfortunately know, there’s no end to that horrible path you’re on. How dare they make that decision for you?
It’s none of their damn business if you’ve left her bedroom as is. For one month, two years, even 10 years is fine. It’s YOUR grief, not their extra bedroom to gussy up. I would actually see if legal action is worth being done against them.