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'AITA for kicking my brother out of my husband's bday and telling him to go back to work?' UPDATED

'AITA for kicking my brother out of my husband's bday and telling him to go back to work?' UPDATED


"AITA for kicking my brother out of my husband's birthday party and telling him to return his 'Precious Operating Room'?"

My family,including me are all MDs. My dad is a retired ER physician(he is 67) ,my mom is a still working ENT surgeon (she is 66), my brother is a cardiothoracic surgeon (37) and I am an algologist (39M).

All of my family sees our job as their only motive on the life. Don't get me wrong,I love my job and I really love what I have accomplished but I have other hobbies and a life outside the hospital. My brother doesn't. He never got married because he thought "ladies were interfering with his purpose." and I was seen as the lazy one in the family when I would go to vacations at midbreaks.

My brother would go to our parent's house and study 24/7 at midbreaks. Luckily I had sane professors at medical school who had work/life balance contrast to my family and showed me that what they were doing harmful in the long term.

I got married at my residency to my husband(48M),who is a psychiatrist and we currently have a really good work life balance,we can take our time off easily and we don't burn out. It also helps that we operate our private clinic together so we are our own bosses. I don't see my brother very much and I will be honest,he turned into one of the most narcissist surgeons I have ever met.

He only talks about himself,what he accomplished and how he is a very good surgeon. That is his whole personality. I never saw him talk him about another person if it is not a family person or someone he wants to bury in the ground. I also know the clinic he works and people does not like him either.

Last weekend was my husband's birthday and we invited both of our extended families to our house. Well,when my brother got into the house everything started to go down. At first,he stood at the front of door for 10 minutes because no one cheered his name.

Then he said he wants something strong because he is a "cardiothoracic surgeon" and before the day of party,he had a 7 hour case than he started to talk about his OR memories and saying it needed the dedication but "Lazy OP does not waste any time to go on vacation." It started to crack on my nerves but my husband asked me to cool down but after 2 hours I lost it when my brother said,

"Of course I am your superior,you chose to sit in a clinic,I am always at OR feeling the pure life in my hand." I started to scream. I really unloaded all of the stuff I feel and kicked him out of my house and said "Maybe you can stick your butt in your OR room forever and never bother me again while I work in my lazy seat." My parents got furious,we had a fight and they left my house. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:


Nta. "Of course I am your superior,you chose to sit in a clinic,I am always at OR feeling the pure life in my hand." Dude has a God complex. He may be a very skilled surgeon but I hope all his patients are unconscious and don't have to be subjected to his personality.

This martyr complex towards their profession your family has is very unhealthy and dangerous bc who the heck wants a doctor who is burnt out from working 24/7. I'll take the one who just got back from an extended vacation and is feeling well rested, thanks.


NTA - He sounds like a true charmer (not) - well done for lasting as long as you did before giving him both barrels.


NTA for kicking him out. Just because he's super important doesn't mean he can't use his manners. You probably c handled it better but I'm not sure what else would have gotten through to him.


NTA. Not everything is about him. So what if he's a surgeon? My mother has 2 doctorate's and she's a successful woman, yet she doesn't go places bragging about it unless she's asked about her degrees, work life, etc. Sounds like someone needs a reality check.

Commenters overwhelmingly agreed: YTA.

OP later shared this update:

I had some really good suggestions on how to pull the boundaries and also talk with my parents about it but I would like to say thank you to another MD who PMd me and said how should I act in this situation,who also comes from a family of doctors.

I had a stern talk with my parents,not as their kid but as their colleague and their equivalent in the profession. I adressed my concerns and his behavior in the hospital. They were pretty horrified when they discovered how he was acting in the hospital(me and my brother are working in the same hospital group,mom is working at the other end of the city) and how unprofessional he was.

Although my mom has a bit of a surgeon ego,I never saw or heard her acting to her team this kind of bossy and my dad was one of the best ER doctors that I have ever heard. Although they weren't very good parents,they are really good doctors and professional examples in the community.

My brother had a serious lecture from them but it all turned for worse because they started to favor me on him in an instant.While this was happening,me and my husband started to recognize a pattern. My parents favouritism really messed up us. I had to cut in the middle and had to say.

They were ashamed but due to them being smart and my husband explaining the scheme,they got their wrongdoings but it was too little,too late. I decided to cut my parents off other than professional matters and my brother also decided to do same. Although my parents did not like it,they understood the reasoning and said good luck with our lives.

My brother publicly apologized to his team for being a dick all of the time last morning and asked them to warn him when he is being a shithead. He also started to attend counseling which I will also be a guest time to time and he just had his first two sessions.

I also apologized to my husband for losing my control and not acting like a sane guy in the party even though he said it wasn't necessary but it made me feel better about myself.

So,that is it. Thank you everyone,also thank you to MDs who PMed me and helped me to pave a way.Your friendly pain management doctor signs out. Also,to the user who said I am a "Pain dude", I put this on my CV so thanks for being the "inspiration".

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