'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, the family was celebrating; 'She got rid of the louse!' AITA?
"AITA for kicking him out a few weeks before Christmas?"
Soft-Square-8929
I’ve been with my partner for 9 years, and during that time, he has never paid a single bill or household expense. He contributes nothing financially, emotionally, or practically to our household. I pay for everything: the house (which is solely in my name), the bills, the car he drives (including insurance and tax), and every single thing our children need.
He doesn’t parent or help with childcare in any way. Instead, he argues with our kids like they’re grown men in a pub. His behavior is stressful and miserable for everyone in the house. He’s selfish, constantly plays the victim, and is only interested in himself.
He works but keeps his wages entirely for himself. Over the years, he’s never bought a birthday or Christmas present for anyone—not even a card. Every time I try to address these issues, he promises to change, but nothing ever improves.
When I’ve tried to end things before, he plays the victim, telling friends and family that he has nowhere to go and doesn’t understand why I’m upset. This makes it incredibly hard to follow through because people start pressuring me to take him back.
But I’m done. I can’t waste another year of my life living in this hell. I know being a single mother would be easier than staying with someone who contributes nothing and makes our home so unhappy.
With Christmas approaching, I feel guilty about the timing, but I also feel like I’ve given him countless chances. So, AITA for finally kicking him out just before the holidays?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
perpetually_quanked
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, the family was celebrating; "she got rid of the louse!" His friends' numbers were blocked with nary care, If they feel concerned, he can go and mooch there.
NoTruth8492
You should’ve kicked him out wayyyyyyyyy sooner. But while the best time was months ago, the second best time is RIGHT NOW! get him out!!!!
millymollymel
Just think about how much easier your life will be without this deadweight holding you back. It might just be the best thing you do for all of you! It might be the wake up call he needs (it’s not your problem either way) but it will definitely be good to show your children they don’t have to stay trapped in an unhealthy relationship. I wish you a happy Christmas!
Fairmount1955
Nope, not wrong. "This makes it incredibly hard to follow through because people start pressuring me to take him back." - well, soon as they try just shut them down? Who cares what they think? Tell them you're disappointed they are trying to pressure you and they do t respect this is why you need to do for the well being of you and your kids.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
Soft-Square-8929
UPDATE: he's gone, I've told him to leave, told him I don't ever wish to see him again. That he's on his own. For those saying it can't be real, I wish thar was the case. I didn't include everything as to not make this post huge, but he was abusive, in many ways.
He would use my post natal depression, stating he would tell people I am mentally unstable, he even tried to contact my Dr's saying I was being mentally unstable the last time I tried to get rid of him. This will all be going to my local police station tomorrow, while the children are at school. Thank you to all the kind comments!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
My_Name_Is_Amos
I cannot for the life of me imagine why you stayed with this guy for nine days, let alone nine years. Then you procreated with him? Too bad you can’t go back and retroactively kick him to the curb.
So-so-old
NTA- don’t cave to pressure. He should have all his earnings somewhere, since he doesn’t spend them on his family. He can pay for a hotel while he finds a suitable home. Either way, he should not be your responsibility. Please let go of the guilt. You did not create him (yes, you enabled him, but now you are done).
pandatron3221
NTA….Merry Christmas to you. Congratulations on your 200lb loss and your new future. I imagine you will find more peace and an amazing partner in the near future!!! Thank you for loving yourself and your kids enough to want better!!!! You’re doing in Miss Ma’am and you’re gonna do it amazingly.
Liu1845
Why in the world would you feel bad about evicting him before a holiday he doesn't celebrate? He is a leech and a mooch. He's also a horrible example of human being, one you do not want your kids thinking is someone to emulate or look up to.
Tell anyone who sides with or defends him, they can welcome him into their home. That you will pass along their invite to reside with them. NTA.
2ndcupofcoffee
No. The interesting though that you never have in the past because he weaves a story each time and you suffer as the bad guy. Why have you never gotten ahead of the situation since it affects you so dramatically. Why haven’t you spoken of his parasitic character?
Soft-Square-8929 (OP)
Oh I have, he's used my mental health as the reason I don't want him anymore. He even tried to call up my doctor to say I was being unstable, because i tried to get him to leave. So I felt that defeated it was like I had to keep putting up with him, for a peaceful life.
Critical_Armadillo32
Based on your post, I have no clue as to why you've been with this man for so long. He's not only financially abusive to you but he's abusive to your children. Don't they matter to you? Why would you allow him to stick around and be abusive to them? Of course you should kick him out. And if anyone pressures you, tell them what you've told us.
Tell them how abusive he is to your children! Tell them he never pays for anything. Tell them he never gets anybody a gift. Tell them he keeps all his money for himself. And then, tell them it's none of their business anyway! It's between you and him. If people give you a hard time, cut them off for the time being.
Go no contact with them. You can go no contact for a week or a month or a year. That's up to you. Then you don't have to hear their garbage input. I'm so sorry you've had to live like this for years and it's definitely time to put your foot down. You may need to get friends in to help you remove him from your house.
I pick a time when he's at work and have everything of his taken out of the house and the locks changed immediately. But that's what I'd do. He may come back at you for an illegal eviction. You may want to talk to an attorney before you do it just to find out what your rights are.
If he's been working all along, he shouldn't be able to get any alimony and you may very well be able to get some child support. I don't know what your finances are. If he has a job, he can find some place to go! I don't care if it's a hotel. But then, I'm at a grouchy move this morning so my advice might be a little tainted! 😄