Bride’s final straw: MOH vows to breastfeed during vows for attention. AITA?
"AITA for kicking my MOH out of my wedding party and cutting her out of my life?"
I have been friends with my two besties since we were about 12yo. Annie told wild lies and stories since we met. Dawn and I always kind of just laughed them off and thought it was just because Annie was a single child and needed to be centre of attention at all times. Always. No matter what.
Anyways I got engaged and was planning my wedding. Dawn by that time was quite sick and she unfortunately couldn’t be part of the wedding party. I made Annie my MOH.
Annie was pregnant, she would have the baby before the wedding so that was a cool. We did all the shopping for bridesmaids dresses and her fitting would just need to wait until after the baby was born so we could get the right measurements.
Baby comes and then time comes to return to get sized for the bridesmaid dress. Annie then demands to have a a sling made of the same fabric as the dress so she could wear the baby down the aisle on her back.
She says she absolutely cannot be away for her son for a second. I said “what about when he’s sleeping in his crib?” At this point Annie informs me that she co sleeps and said “Neanderthals didn’t put their babies in a different cave when they were sleeping because a sabre tooth tiger would eat them” ummm what?
I agreed to her request for a sling because how can you argue with that. I called Dawn and relayed this and she said “we live in the freaking suburbs… sabre tooth tigers are going to eat your baby…” I agree but I had already agreed. It seemed to pointless to complain about it. I didn’t want to be a Bridezilla.
Fast forward to about a week before the wedding. Dawn and I had been talking about this scenario again and how Annie always needed to be the centre of attention and it sort of came to me that she might do something during the ceremony to take focus. She was already wearing her baby down the aisle after all.
I sat Annie down and tried to have a polite conversation with her and I said I didn’t mind her wearing her baby down the aisle but I absolutely do not want her to pull out her breast and feed the baby while we are at the altar during the ceremony.
I felt like this was a reasonable request. I understand it is natural but I don’t want this done in front of my guests while I am at the altar. It was going to be photographed and video taped and I just don’t want her breasts out. 🤷♀️
She freaked out. Called me horrible names and was practically frothing at the mouth… She said I was “taking women back by centuries and how dare I tell her she cannot feed her baby whenever and wherever she pleases.”
That was the final straw for me. It was one, I think, fairly simple request after I had allowed others to slide. I told her she is no longer my friend and is not invited to my wedding and to never talk to me again.
AITA for “taking women back by centuries” and not allowing her to breastfeed during my wedding ceremony because in all honesty I think she would do it on purpose to pull focus?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. So many questions. I assume she's a trad wife? If not, how does that work? Why can't baby daddy wear the sling? Does she take the baby with her into the shower? On the toilet? Anyway, any time is good time to exit an attention-seeking pain in the ass from your life.
MadamUnicornOfDoom (OP)
I’m not sure I can answer most of those. She works for her parents company. I would think so but maybe not to the baby daddy, toilet and shower thing. I think it’s kind of impossible to not ever be away from the baby? I wish I had thought to ask that.
Nahh. There’s no reasonable answers to those questions. She has to put the baby down to strip for a shower. How would she wipe after pooping while holding a baby. Wearing the baby on her back to walk down the aisle screams Pick Me.
If she really can’t be away from her baby for the duration of the ceremony (actually not unreasonable, first time mom, newborn) then she should have stepped down.
Wow, I did not see that one coming! (the breastfeeding part.) I think the baby-in-a-sling-while-MOHing-at-the-altar part is nuts enough on its own. Anyway, this is probably getting removed (read rule 11) but I think you did the right thing.
NTA. I would’ve replied “Neanderthals also exclusively shiz in the woods and hunted or gathered all of their food. Do you also do that?” And then promptly left her at the dress store.
NTA - I'm getting married this October and would be so livid if a bridesmaid/MOH asked to wear a sling for their baby let alone not adhere to the simple request of not breastfeeding during the ceremony (30ish mins). Annie sounds insanely narcissistic and I'm 100% sure she would have done *something* to put attention on her on you and your future partner's day.
You are NTA. Annie is clearly all drama and overreaction. You were correct to change your MOH designation, and you did not push women back to the 1950’s. I have to say your “no longer my friend- don’t speak to me” declaration was probably over the top.
But I imagine it’s years of frustration boiling over. After wedding and maybe 6 month or so of motherhood maybe try to have a civil conversation and see where it goes.
It's hilarious that she thinks OP is taking women back by centuries by not letting her babywear/breastfeed in public and on camera of her wedding yet is apparently worried about sabre tooth *cats which lived over 12,000 and are thoroughly extinct. Personally I would announce this to be a smilodon-positive wedding. NTA.