'AITA for kicking my husband's family out of my home during family dinner?'

"AITA for kicking my husband's family out of my home during family dinner?"

I have been with my husband for 8 years. We have a 2yo daughter together.

So, for the first 6 years of our relationship, my husband could not hold a job down to save his life. It truly did not bother me the way some people would think.

I was in the medical field, made very good money and he didnt ask for much. He was also very good to me. So, zero issues. But it was linked to untreated ADHD and depression. During these 6 years, I was paying all of our bills; and as much as I hate to put it out there, I was all but supporting his family as well.

His sister and brother specifically, whom are both older than me and my husband by 4+ years, and while less frequent, his mom. During those 6 years, I had given these people right around $50k. Money for mortgage payments and car payments and food and sports fees for their children, etc etc. It adds up super quick. Never once did I ask for repayment.

It didn't actually bother me until the end of year 6, when my MIL showed up on my doorstep for a drop in family meeting and told me that "the whole family" needed to chip in for one of the other families lawyer fees and after I generously hand over $3k, I found out that I was the only one who actually contributed. That was a gut punch and was absolutely the last straw. I haven't given any of them a dime sense.

But again, it didnt bother me UNTIL that point and I instantly took care of it and said no more. My husband was fully on my side (he told me to stop helping them prior) but I absolutely got push back from the family. Around this time, I found out I was also 6 months pregnant (wasnt showing, still had my cycle, etc).

So fast forward, my husband gets on meds for ADHD, gets fully involved in therapy, went for his trucking license and has been working steady since I was roughly 8 months pregnant. Has only missed one shift (the day I went in to labor) and is doing kick a**.

Meds were an absolute game-changer. I have been a SAHM ever since. Husband makes around 4x more than I was making at the hospital as well. Here's the problem...my husband refuses to help his family out financially and for whatever reason, it has just been brought to my attention that I am being blamed for it.

We had his entire family over for dinner and this is the first time we have been around the entire group in two years. They don't even call anymore. We hosted dinner, everything was going well. But then my MIL asked me when I was planning to return to work. I said I had no plan to until my daughter was in school.

She said something like "that simply doesnt work". I questioned what she meant. Her and SIL both go in to how they feel it isn't fair to my husband that I have no income and roughly beat around the bush about me "not helping" financially the way I used to and that they can no longer depend on family for help. Which was their way of saying that their cash cow is gone and it bothers them.

I reminded them that I contributed to their life for 6 years, totaling around $50k, and I did more than my fair share. MIL then tells me that she has "paid back more than that", because she has brought me old expired food bank food on several occasions (which we told her not to do) and brought over her old, partially broken 1930s furniture for us to have (which, again, we told her not to do).

I told her that in no way was that repayment. On her alone, I had given over $8k. Anyways, this argument escalated to mainly MIL saying that it is unfair to my husband that I am contributing nothing to the household. I argued that I supported him and his entire family for 6 years.

She said "surely he has paid you back. You haven't done anything in 2 years". So I snapped and said that paying rent for 2 years with zero financial contribution exceeding basics is in no way paying me back (when he shouldn't have to, because he wasn't the one using me financially) is not repayment and told everyone to "get the f out."

It's important to note that my husband was NOT home for this. He had actually run to the store to get more of something that we ran out of. So he wasn't present or he would have stepped in. But after some back and forth and me just repeating to get out and them refusing, I said I was going to call the cops.

They finally start leaving. I tell them they aren't welcome back here and that we will be going no contact. They were gone by the time my husband got back home. When I told him what happened, he went real quiet. He apologized for what they said and did while he was gone, but also tried justifying it.

Saying that they likely just meant that they thought I should be working too to help him with bills. I asked why he was trying to downplay this and he said "because everyone knows that households cant survive on one income in 2026" and said something about how he could work less hours and spend more time with our kid if i got a job too (he works 50hr weeks, is always home before 5pm).

Keep in mind, he makes $140k a year and ALL our expenses do not exceed $4k monthly. This dude has a savings of almost $200k and we arent hurting for money at all. I cant speak to him right now, as I am absolutely disgusted with this entire situation. I need validation/clarification that I am not wrong here.

Edit: A lot of you are terrible at math, and that's fine. I will break it down because I guess I was confusing in my post. My husband's take home is $140k a year. That's after taxes. Our bills dont exceed $4k a month. So 140k divided by 12 months is a little over $11k, meaning he has almost $8k a month he is able to save.

$8k a month multiplied by 24 months (2 years) is $192k. Our rent is $1000, everything included. He has a motorcycle, car and truck that he is paying for. My vehicle is paid off. Again, all monthly expense is less than $4k.

Now, I worked for 6 years and made roughly 4x less in take home pay. It was roughly $36k. Our rent was $650 a month, everything included. One vehicle at that time and one less person to feed. Our bills didn't exceed $1600 on the very high end. I gave his family $50k OVER THE SPAN OF 6 YEARS.

That's truly not that hard to do, at all. I don't know where the disconnect is on understanding the fact that this was over 6 years. Please think deeper before broadcasting that you can't understand math and accusing me of lying because you can't understand. Thank you.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Fluffy_Special8510 wrote:

The only part that’d bother me is your husband going quiet and lowkey defending it. That’s the real convo. His family disrespecting you is one thing. Him softening it after you carried everyone for years? Yeah…no.

OP responded:

Yeah that's what bothered me as well. His family flipping out is whatever. But him like... backing them up after I support our entire home, him AND his family for 6 years is just so disgusting to me honestly. It truly makes me view him completely different.

RandomReddit9791 wrote:

Now that he's working, the family can no longer survive on one income? Well how did you survive the 6 years you were the only one working?

It sounds like your husband is now part of the problem.

OP responded:

I realize after our conversation that he is definitely part of the problem. If you and your family are being supported by your spouse for 6 years and then you magically forget that ever happened once you get a job than yeah, you're a problem.

My husband and I are actually text arguing and have been since I posted this, and he just texted me saying that I didn't support him for 6 years and my timeline is messed up. He says it was 3 years, because he was working off and on (one month on, 4 months off) and "helping."

Different-Idea8203 wrote:

NTA but have you seen all your financial documents? I've been around the internet long enough to notice a pattern of spouses moving/hiding money his reaction is suspicious.

OP responded:

Yeah he does prove it openly. I actually maintain all our finances because I am better with money management. So I have access to all the accounts and there's full transparency.

Regular_Boot_2540 wrote:

You're not wrong. Good for you for standing up for yourself. You need to get it straight with him that his family has no business in your financial affairs. And you supported him and THEM for six years...how does staying home with your kid for two years equate to you not holding up your end?

You and your husband need to agree on what you value and what your plan is for your family, and he needs to tell his family to butt out.

OP responded:

Well that's the thing that is making my brain itch here. My husband has been telling me this whole time that he prefers I am home with the baby. Said that not only is it convenient but he doesnt like the idea of someone else raising our child. This is the FIRST I am hearing about this sudden change of heart from him.

It was literally always stated among us during conversation that I would stay home until our daughter was in Kindergarten AND even then, he has been talking about possibly extending it because he doesnt know if he wants our kid in public school. So all of this is new to me.

Ok-Context1168 wrote:

It sounds like your husband may have been complaining to his family. He is defending their awful behavior and trying to justify it. Also, this is why so many women choose not the be SAHMs. Their husbands are completely fine to be supported when they just can't keep a job, then all of a sudden feel financially "used" when their wives stay home to raise their kids.

Like raising kids full time isn't work. Also you said HE has 200k in savings. That doesn't include you?

I'd be having a LONG conversation about roles, expectations, and finances right away! NTA.

OP responded:

Well, that's the thing too. He isn't even supporting me. I mean, yes, he absolutely pays for all the big bills. But I have written 3 children's books in my 2 years home and I also do digital marketing, so I have my own money.

I pay for my own car insurance, my phone, most of the baby things, the toilet paper, the dish soap, the laundry soap, my own fuel for my car, the internet bill, etc etc. So I have income and I am contributing still. Is it a small amount? Yes. But its still roughing about $650 a month.

MitchyS68 wrote:

NTA….but I suspect your husband has already had a conversation about this with one or more family members. That’s likely where the “because everyone knows” comment came from plus the fact that he pulled out the working less hours to spend more time with the kid card so fast. I think this situation is worse than you thought.