'AITA for kicking my SIL out of my house after she humiliated me in public?'

"AITA for telling my SIL she needs to make a plan to move our of my house after she humiliated me in public?"

My (32f) wife and I (34f) live in an expensive state where I bought a home 5 years ago. In March, we invited her sister (30f) and her 1 year old to come stay to escape an unsafe situation with her youngest child's father in an inexpensive southern state. There was no set timeline when they moved in, it was only framed as a place to stay "until I can get a car and get on my feet."

We have had our issues, but generally get along fine and have minimal drama at home. The disputes SIL and I have had are about communication; particularly specific instances of her misunderstanding a situation and then blowing up and screaming at me.

2 months after moving in initially they left to go back to her toxic ex because I refused to let him stay with us after he drove 20+ hours to show up at my door at 6am and aggressively demand to see his daughter.

I did offer to pay for a hotel for him but set a hard boundary about him in the house; we fought because I was "evil and inconsiderate for keeping the man from his child". They left days later for about 2 months before he threatened to take the baby, and I bought them tickets to get back here the next day.

Wife and SIL's 82y grandma is visiting this week so yesterday I took the whole fam to the pumpkin patch for the day. We were having a nice time until, while waiting in line for a ride, SIL yelled at me to wipe the now 2yo's face after picking her up out of the dirt she was playing in. I needed a sec to find a clean surface to wipe it with, but toddler's mom kept escalating so I said "fine, you do it" and handed her over.

This set her off, and she stormed out of the line we were now at the front of. We left too, and upon catching up to SIL she was complaining about me to a grandma at a nearby table. I tried to talk to her, saying her pushing made me feel like she thinks im incompetent, and I deserved a beat to action her request before she lost it.

She started screaming at the top of her lungs in front of her child and hundreds of kids and families at the farm park, using profanity and generally being unwilling to listen to anyone. I asked her to stop, saying we could talk about this at home, and when she refused and kept screaming, I said "I'm done, we're leaving." And took off towards my car alone.

The rest of the group eventually arrived at the car and we traveled in silence home. I spent the rest of the day alone and neither of us tried to talk to one another. This morning while I was getting ready for work, she came in the kitchen, said my name, and opened her arms. I asked what she was looking for and when she asked to hug it out, I said "i'm not ready for that yet" and she left the room upset.

I sent her a text later explaining my feelings and intentions, ending by saying "I think its time you figure out another place to live. This is no longer a good long-term plan." This has been a conversation with my wife for a couple of months but she did not feel it was right to talk to her sister about setting any type of deadline to move out.

We did go back and forth more, but I basically only reiterated that i'm not throwing them out, but this living situation is not working anymore and she needs to work seriously on a plan. My wife does not co-own this house with me, and generally agrees that this situation is not healthy for anyone, but feels like she is letting them down by not supporting them fully at this point.

My wife is not fiscally responsible and is inconsistent about her financial and physical contributions to our home, so I feel like protecting our stability and home is my sole responsibility most of the time.

I love SIL and her daughter, and do want them safe and stable. She feels like i've just wasted her time by bringing them out here for a fresh start and then saying they have to go elsewhere. I never intended for them to be here for the long run, only to find some stability & decide her horrible ex was not worth going back to. I thought that was clear all around.

They've been here for 6 months over an 8 month period and do not pay any bills. She does occasionally cook, clean, and contribute to the home by buying 50-70% of our groceries over the month with food stamps benefits.

We babysit while she does gig work and transport them to interviews, appointments, etc and I provide all of their toiletries, toys, pull ups, etc. Am I the AH for acting on that final straw and telling her to make other plans?

This is what people had to say to OP:

_emmajandrew said:

NTA. You and your wife were gracious enough to take them in, essentially free of charge. Her ex already endangered you and your wife once at your own home. SIL decided to go back to him anyways and you still welcomed her back with open arms for a second time.

She should be nothing but grateful for being allowed a safe place for her and her child to stay, not once but twice. If she is going to be nasty and blow up on you, she can go. While it sucks to have to ask them to leave, you need to protect you and your wife’s home environment and mental sanity.

KiriYogi said:

NTA- but you should've set a move out date the first time she moved in. Set some boundaries now- she gets loud and cusses at you because she knows it will get results. She's old enough to have a kid- she's old enough to support the child.

fiestafan73 said:

Her longterm plan was to stay with you for good. It is pretty clear she was not planning to "get on her feet" since she has made no effort to do so. NTA, time for SIL to go scream at someone else.

And Medium-Fudge459 said:

You are being 100% used. Where’s wife in all this? Why is SHE not stepping up and telling her sister where to put it? Paying for this whole family, carrying all their baggage is going to be the end of you. When do you put yourself first? When does your WIFE put you first? The only person you’re being an AH is to yourself.