'AITA for kicking my depressed SIL out of my house after she never followed our rules?'

"AITA for kicking my SIL out to MIL house after she never followed our rules and made us feel unwelcome in our home?"

My husband(25M) and I(28F) live in an apartment with our 2 year old daughter. It's not super big just a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment. My SIL(22F) let's call her Sally came to us saying that living with MIL has made her feel trapped especially since she doesn't have a car to get around. After talking to my husband we had agreed to let her live with us rent free in exchange that she get a full time job and save up for a car.

We had moved all of our 2 year olds things out of the extra room and bathroom. The 2 year old now sleeps in our room and uses the bathroom in our room. I had set up a job interview for Sally at my job and was able to get her hired. I let her know that this is temporary because she would need to do some schooling in order to keep working here.

I also had told Sally that you cannot be late to this job because everyone working has to wait for you to come in order for them to leave. Sally had the ability to pick up shifts at this job and pick up as much as she wanted. She would only pick up about 3 shifts a month. We told her she would still need to find another job so she could save for a car.

It has been almost 4 months and she has not found another job and has not saved anything for a car. Sally is also constantly late to her current job and does not pay rent, clean, or help with anything around the house. She mostly says in her room watch TV all hours of the day and ordering food even though we told her that she could cook and eat our food.

We had told her that since she is borrowing our vehicle that we will need to put her on the insurance but she refuses to pay the difference. We had talked to Sally about a month ago telling her that if she doesn't get things moving that she would have to pay rent about 300.

(We pay about 1700 with utilities) She said okay but then later cornered us saying we weren't fair for changing the agreement and anytime I spoke up she would just mock me.

She said she was struggling with depression and needed someone to help her get up and brush her teeth and hair. To tell her wait to do everyday. We had told her that we aren't her parents and we are treating her like an adult. If she needed professional help we would get her the help but she declined.

About a month later I had told our other SIL(30F) (let's call her ginny) that it wouldn't be a good idea to have her apply at her job because sally is always late. That ginny shouldn't risk her hard earned promotion and it might not look good on her. Well Ginny had told Sally what I said about her being late and that it might hurt Ginny's reputation.

Sally had come up to me and said she demanded an apologize because it was an attack on her character and had hurt her feelings. I told her that I would not apologize because it was true and she shouldn't expect an apology from everyone. Sally said that since I was her SIL that I did have to apologize. Sally then ran to her room and cried and said she hated herself and that she wanted to die.

I had messaged her telling her that if she needed professional help that I wouldn't mind taking her or my husband could if she was still mad at me. Sally then messaged me saying that if I had anything to say to say it to her face. She has now gone and hid our dogs food and water and is still mad and upset. I feel like I can't even leave our room in fear that it is going to set off another meltdown for her.

So WIBTA for having her go back to MIL house since she won't do anything to help herself? I would love any advice anyone has as well.

This is what people had to say to OP:

TarzanKitty said:

NTA. She was living like a child with mommy because she hasn’t learned how to be an adult yet. Your MIL’s loser failure to launch adult is not your responsibility. If she wants to live like a big girl. She needs to figure her sh!t out.

ChampionshipSad1586 said:

She needs to GTFO of your home asap. Give your daughter back her room.

Weary_Standard_4069 said:

Absolutely nta just because she is “depressed” does not mean that she gets to free load. If she’s depressed enough that she isn’t able to do anything with out someone telling her to then she needs professional help. The fact that she’s hiding your dogs food and water is animal cruelty and would have me kicking her out so fast.

You have three people living in one room and a dog. She has a room to herself and a car to borrow rent free and free food. Honestly you have given her so much leeway and she has done nothing but try to take more.

LegitimateMove7645 said:

Yes YWBTAH if you don’t send her back home

OP later shared this update:

Update: Thank you everyone for the advice. I apologize that I haven't been able to get back to all of you. This had more comments than I thought it would.

Last night I talked to my husband (25M) about trying to get Sally(SIL) evicted with a written notice and called my husband's mother to see about having Sally come back to her house. We were waiting for MIL to call us back since she didn't answer our call. I had to leave for work so I told my husband that he needed to talk to her about the dogs food.

While I was at work I had received a text from my husband saying that he talked to Sally and she had told him that she had the dog food in her room because he wasn't eating. (Which didn't make sense because he wasn't even in her room). She had also said that I was a back stabbing beach and need to apologize to her.

My husband told her that she has no right to talk about me that way and that I would not be apologizing and if she had a problem then she could leave. Sally then left to go and call her grandmother to get her to side with Sally. I think the grandmother convinced her that she was in the wrong.

I then get a text message apologizing for calling me a back stabbing beach and that she had felt trapped at our house. I told her we have given her all the freedom she wanted. All we had asked was that she got a full-time job that we couldn't do anything else to help her. In fact maybe it would be a good idea to find another place to live because it was just making everything worse for her.

Sally texted me back and agreed and said that she was willing to go to the behavioral hospital and after she would go and live with her sister and find a job near her sisters house. Sally mentioned that she still loved us and wanted to come visit occasionally to try and fix our relationship.

I messaged Sally back and said it was a good idea and my husband would take her tonight before she could second guess herself. Sally is currently in the hospital and if I have more updates I will post them later. Thank you for joining me on the rollercoaster.