'AITA for kicking my two best friends out of my wedding after one cheated with my BIL and the other encouraged it?'
"AITA for kicking my two best friends out of my wedding after one cheated with my BIL and the other encouraged it?"
I kicked two of my best friends out of my wedding after they crossed every boundary imaginable, and I still wonder if I did the right thing. When I (25F at the time) got engaged, I thought I finally had the dream friend group I’d always wanted.
“Jane” (23F) and “Beth” (30F) were my two closest friends. We met at work and became inseparable. We hung out every weekend, our spouses became friends, and I honestly thought of them as sisters. I’ve always struggled with friendships, so having that bond meant everything to me.
Jane was married with a young child, Beth had a long-term boyfriend and three kids, and I was with my high school sweetheart of 10 years. Everything was great until wedding planning started and that’s when things completely fell apart.
The Puerto Rico Trip- They surprised me with a girls’ trip to Puerto Rico to help me destress from wedding planning. I was excited and so grateful. But the first night there, Jane met a guy at a bar and exchanged numbers.
I thought it was just a friendly vacation thing, until she spent the whole trip texting him non-stop. On top of that Beth was flirting with every group of guys in sight, putting me in awkward and uncomfortable situations. Unlike them, I respected my relationship.
That night, she invited him to our Airbnb. I told her it wasn’t safe, but she didn’t care. He came over, went straight to her room, and you can guess what happened. I was uncomfortable and called my husband because I felt so out of place and worried.
When we got home, her husband found the messages, freaked out, and left her. Beth thought it was “funny” and “not that serious,” she hated Jane’s husband and thought he was annoying. While I was disgusted but still tried to be supportive. In the end, her husband ended up staying with her.
The Bachelorette Disaster- Then came my bachelorette weekend. I wanted a chill celebration, just drinks, laughs, and fun with my girls. Instead, it was pure chaos again.
They met a group of random guys who offered us a limo ride to a casino “for the bride”. I went along because I didn’t want to kill the vibe, but around 4 a.m., I was ready to head back.
The plan was that we all leave together, but they ditched me to go off with the guys. Everyone was drunk at this point and the guys started getting touchy. I was angry and uncomfortable so I just went home with the rest of my friends and left them.
The next morning they came back soaking wet in an Uber. Me and all of my girls were sitting on the porch laughing and talking and it turns out, they went to the beach with the guys and slept with them, during MY bachelorette weekend when they should’ve been hanging out with us.
The whole energy shifted, it was awkward, I was embarrassed, and I started realizing these weren’t the people I thought I knew. The final straw that weekend was when they invited the two random guys to my farewell dinner. I lost it and so did my other friends.
The Last Straw- Even after all that, I tried to move forward and let the wedding happen peacefully. At my bridal shower, we went out afterward for drinks, and everyone got really drunk.
My brother-in-law (one of my best friends since 8th grade, and introduced my husband and I) offered to take Jane home because she said she needed to get back to her daughter. I was taking care of a drunk family member and just didn’t think anything of it.
Hours passed, and he still wasn’t home. My gut told me something was off. At the time, we all stayed with my in laws (me, my husband and his brother). The next morning, I found out they slept together. In her and her husband’s bed, with her child in the next room as my brother-in-law was bragging about it.
That was it for me. I told the girls how disgusted I was and that I was done watching them use my wedding events to cheat, lie, and disrespect everyone around them. Beth defended her, saying I was “crazy” and “too judgmental,” and that they were grown women who could do what they wanted.
For context: we had a previous conversation about my friends and family being off limits from their shenanigans after Beth made advances towards one of my bridesmaid's fiancés, that too made the girls in my party uncomfortable, so this felt like a huge betrayal because it was already addressed. So I kicked them both out of my wedding.
Aftermath- It was ugly. They blamed me, and we never spoke again. My brother-in-law apologized and owned up to his part, and I eventually forgave him. But the pain and disappointment I felt toward those two women never really faded.
I later saw on social media that they went back to the same place where I had my bachelorette weekend...on my wedding night and it’s like they seriously did it just to be petty.
Jane’s now divorced, no surprise there and Beth is still with her man (who, I’m sure, has no clue about any of this). I think about them sometimes. Despite everything, there were great times, they were fun, supportive, and made me feel cared for when I really needed it.
But the betrayal and chaos overshadowed everything. I know cutting them off was the right choice. Still, part of me wonders, was it worth losing the friendship completely? Or could I have handled it differently?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Not worth having that kind of energy around you. Yes you had good times - but that is all you have now, the memories. Now you want a different path/lifestyle and that’s ok to move forward.
People tend to emulate those with whom they associate. If you want a monogamous marriage, hanging out with cheating floozies is not a good idea.
You did the right thing. I do not understand anyone who supports a cheater, be it my friend cheating or being cheated on, it's all gravy. I just think about if it happened to me, the humiliation and being the last to discover it, I would hate that so, yep you did right by putting out the rubbish.
You can question how to have done things differently or “better” all you want - it does not change the fact that their behaviour was toxic and repugnant in your view. Life’s too short to put up with what you consider BS. Don’t waste anymore brain power, time or heartache overthinking what you did. It was the right choice for you.
Wow! You are so much better off without that negative energy in your life. Aside from the fact that they have no respect for marriage, family, and boundaries they sound completely out of control they put you and your friends in danger by bringing random men home in the middle of the night and had no regard for the situation they were putting you in as far as keeping secrets. I say good riddance.