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'AITA for kicking one of my bridesmaids out of my wedding?' 'We are asking too much of her.'

'AITA for kicking one of my bridesmaids out of my wedding?' 'We are asking too much of her.'

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"AITA for kicking one of my bridesmaids out of my wedding?"

For context, my fiancé doesn’t have a sister but he has a family friend, we’ll call her Sally, who is like his unbiological sister. My fiancé made my brother one of his groomsman, so I decided to make Sally a bridesmaid. Sally was really excited because she said that her sister intended to have her as a bridesmaid last summer, but didn’t.

This made me happy because Sally seemed to be genuinely happy and excited. Fast forward a few months and we have put together group chats for the bachelorette and wedding events. The first text I send is a greeting and I ask the girls to introduce themselves via text so that everyone has each other’s numbers. Everyone responds except Sally.

Weeks go by, the girls start asking about dresses info so I send it to them, still nothing from Sally. My sister starts asking me who the extra number is in the chat and I’m starting to get worried so I have Sally over for dinner. While she’s over I tell her that I’m concerned and I need her to respond to the group chat just so that we all know she’s apart of it.

She apologizes and reassures me that I have nothing to worry about and that she’s there for me whenever I need something. Fast forward a month, Sally has said nothing in the group chat. The girls are now planning things for the bachelorette, my sister is ordering tshirts, etc. So my sister is asking for everyone’s shirt size among other things, and nothing from Sally.

I’m really starting to stress over this because now my sister and other bridesmaids have noticed Sally’s silence and they’re texting me separate about it. I tell my fiancé and he decided to reach out to Sally since she’s technically from “his side." My fiancé sends a text asking Sally if she plans to be apart of the wedding because we haven’t heard from her and it’s really stressing me out.

Sally gets back to my fiancé with an angry text and sends me one as well. She says that we are asking too much of her and that she has to focus on herself. She also says that I need to stop worrying and that she is “past exhaustion” trying to show up for herself. I respond saying that we understand if she’s going through something but she needs to participate if she’s wants to be apart of this.

I told her that we love her and she’s not alone and that we’re here if she needs anything. This was a month ago and I haven’t heard anything since, so I’ve decided to remove her from the bridal party. Still planning on sending an invite though! So, AITA for kicking her out of the bridal party?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

CrewelSummer said:

NTA. My biggest regret from my wedding is NOT kicking out a bridesmaid who acted like this. It made so much more work and stress for me having to track her down for every single thing and put a damper on all the events because people didn't know wtf was going on and why she wasn't participating.

It was honestly miserable, and I am still upset with this person because so many of my pre-wedding memories revolve around their behavior, how frustrating it was, and all the extra work I had to do because they couldn't respond to an email or a group chat.

If Sally had something come up where she no longer had the time/energy to be a bridesmaid and everything that comes with that, she should have bowed out. That's perfectly fine. Sh$t happens. But she didn't, so you took action to do what she should have. You're not an AH for removing her when she should have removed herself.

Make sure to screenshot and save those texts though! From personal experience, there's a good chance you're going to want them later on when she tries to spin the narrative on what happened.

BluePopple said:

NTA, it seems like there is a reason the sister didn’t have her in the bridal party. Sally has said she has too much going on and needs to focus on herself. That would have been the time to say that you understand if she weds to step out of being in the wedding and that she’s of course still invited.

Anyhow, since she’s had multiple opportunities to respond to messages and didn’t, it’s time to leave her behind. However, be prepared for this to blow up and for the groom’s family to get dragged in.

steve_french07 said:

NTA. Just cover your a$s on this one and keep the important folks in the loop to avoid the inevitable blow back when she finds out. As the other poster said, I’m sure she’ll suddenly be shocked and appalled to find out she isn’t in the wedding party. Do what you can to avoid that outcome.

embopbopbopdoowop said:

NTA. “Sally, we love you and are still here for you. As it’s been more than a month since we’ve heard from you and we need to continue planning the wedding, I’m going to ask another friend to be bridesmaid so you can step down. We hope to still celebrate our wedding day with you in attendance as a guest. All our love, OP and fiancé.”

PrincessReptile said:

NTA. You have one of the most important events in your life to plan and she stiffed you. Makes me wonder why the sister supposedly "didn't include" her. Did she do the same thing there?

Band-AidInhaler said:

NTA you are a saint for being so considerate trying to get her to participate and she gave you nothing in return and you’re still inviting her.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this wedding drama?

Sources: Reddit
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