Woman labeled 'bridezilla' after removing crying baby during wedding vows. AITA?
"AITA for kicking out a crying baby from my wedding?"
I (29f) and my husband (30m) got married a little less than a month ago. We are currently dealing with A LOT of angry family members for what we did at our wedding.
We originally planned a child free wedding, and we informed all our guests that we will not have anyone under the age of 12 attend our wedding. My husband and I both have pretty large family, and being that we are the youngest of our generation to get married, most of our cousins had kids (under 12).
Too many people complained and declined our invites, so we had no choice but to change our policy. (Plus, my parents were upset to hear that there would be no kids, so as a compromise, they offered to pay the additional cost of meal and seating for kids to attend.)
On the new wedding invite, we made it very clear that kids should remain seated and quiet during the actual ceremony (but they were free to behave however they like outside the ceremony and at the reception). We even asked for parents of young children to temporarily excuse themselves if need be.
This worry was coming from my cousins wedding a few months ago. As she walked down the aisle, three young children ran up to her and started tugging on her dress. The parents unfortunately thought it was cute and asked my cousin to include them in the ceremony.
Later that night, there were so many injuries to children because a few parents got drunk and could not handle their kids. We just didn't want a repeat of that. I know my family, and he knows his family, and we both have family members who unfortunately cannot control their own children.
Anyways it's day of the wedding and everything was going smoothly. My husband and I actually had our friends play 'body guard' and keep an eye out for children interrupting the ceremony.
Again, I want to emphasize that we just wanted order between me walking down the while, to saying our vows, and getting married by the officiator. That would be maybe 20 minutes. All other times, we understood that kids will be kids.
In the middle of my husband's vows, we heard a screaming baby go off. It was one of my husband's cousins. Everyone turned around to hear the noise. Thankfully, a friend of mine walked over to her and politely asked step away for the time being and return when the baby was calmer.
My husband cousin seemed irritated at the request ad loudly yelled, "No, are you crazy! I'm family, I can't miss this!" The baby kept crying and she refused to do anything.
Unfortunately what that had done was somehow tick off another baby in the crowd and then we had two babies crying loudly. The other parents did quietly leave, but my husbands cousin stayed put and starting shaking her head annoyed.
We tried to continue the vows but it seemed like the crying was getting louder and it was mixed with my husbands cousin asking the people around her to mind their business and stop looking at her.
My friends has enough and they all sternly asked her to leave. The cousin then started yelling at my friends. This somehow turned into a huge discussion, but ended with the cousin storming off with the baby and her husband, and leaving our wedding early all together.
The rest of the line went somewhat smoothly, however, many people left early. My husband's aunt (mother of that cousin) also left, stating she felt disrespected for kicking her daughter out.
She went on a rant on Facebook later about how we kicked out family from our wedding, even calling me a bridezilla. Other family members tried to convince us that the mischief of children are half the fun of weddings anyway.
It seemed like we set a bad precedent by publicly asking someone to leave our ceremony. That's why I'm asking: am I the AH for kicking out a crying baby from my wedding?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
"Later that night, there were so many injuries to children because a few parents got drunk and could not handle their kids."
Your relatives seem to be ill suited to parties, or children, or both.
To the matter at hand: I'm a parent myself and normally have little patience for people who are offended by children being children... But that wasn't the case here: yours is a reasonable rule reasonably enforced. NTA.
The cousin is selfish. Isn't it common knowledge that if your child is throwing a tantrum at an event to take them out of the room? If your kid is having a meltdown you might miss something - it's a part of being a parent. NTA.
Good lord. Some people are so inconsiderate. You made your wishes clear, her kid started screaming, and she did nothing to help. WTF. Also her mom calling you out on Facebook is very on brand. Guess the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. They both seem really unreasonable.
"Too many people complained and declined our invites, so we had no choice but to change our policy."
No, you changed your policy so more people would come. You should have stuck to your original plan.
NTA. My own daughter is having a childfree wedding that includes not having her only nephew at the wedding. She thought her sister or I would be upset at her. Her sister, since she's the mom or I because I'm very close to my grandson. We both told her great, we could have fun without worrying about him.
NTA, your cousin sounds spoiled/entitled. Its not her wedding she can't miss. The other parents stepping out should have been her clue but she dug her hooves in like a stubborn bull.
And this is why you should not have changed your mind on kids. Your cousin thought you weren't serious. It created precedent. But what's done is done. Your cousin should be grateful that YOU didn't yell at them.
I should point out that, if your story is accurate, YOU did not ask anybody to leave. YOU did not kick anybody out. Your friends took that bullet for you. Thank them for that. They deserve it. And so what if you're family. That does not give you permission to disturb the event in question. NTA.
NTA , the only mistake you made was giving in to these ppl to begin with. It’s your wedding. They were seriously rude to come after you to change your child free wedding. Put all these AHs on a timeout. They obviously are crass and have no manners.