'AITA for kicking out my friend's neurodivergent friend for touching personal stuff?'

"AITA for kicking out my friend's neurodivergent friend, for what I felt was ignoring boundaries and touching my most personal stuff?"

I'm just super annoyed that I'm made to be the bad guy but in case I'm missing something, here it is. My friends have a buddy (uses pronouns they/them), they bring along who is on the spectrum and high-functioning. They can drive, live independently, clearly make friends, and hold down a job - so personally, I think they can understand and respect boundaries.

They have this annoying and disgusting habit of burping really hard, effortfully, so it is loud. And I have a sensitive nose and it smells. I don't care they do that but when it's in my literal personal space, less than three feet, that's an issue.

I told them several times not to do that when they are literally facing me and talking to me, facing me, or eating right next to me, with an entire plate of food being passed around. The end of my patience was then met when I had a gathering and they invited them.

They (their friend), came in and I was warm to them, then when I go to the bathroom, I come back looking for them to tell them we are eating dinner. Lo and behold they are playing with my hearing aids I put in a device to dry them out since it was raining. (My friends just speak louder around me when they are off).

I literally need those for work and my safety, and other people playing with, let alone wearing them, is unsanitary.

I flipped out and told them to put those down and he burped in my face, laughing, saying they was sorry and tried to hug me. They drop one of my hearing aids on the floor and almost spill their drink on it, the puddle barely touching it as I grabbed it.

These are $3000 each...

I told them to let go and my friends were trying to get me to understand that they has trouble with these social cues. My response was:

"I'm allowed to decide what I put up with in my personal space and who handles my medical devices. Anybody who can hold down a job, make friends, and live alone should be able to respect boundaries. I don't care if they're on the spectrum, that doesn't mean anything on this." My friends left with them and I've been back and forth with one of them about it.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

slendermanismydad wrote:

"I flipped out and told them to put those down and he burped in my face, laughing, saying they was sorry and tried to hug me. They drop one of my hearing aids on the floor and almost spill their drink on it, the puddle barely touching it as I grabbed it."

I would have kicked everyone out and not speak to any of them again. NTA.

surfinforthrills wrote:

100% NTA. I have an autistic son. I am his legal guardian and he is unable to live alone. He would NEVER act this way. This is not the behavior of a person on the spectrum. This isn't a disability. This is a complete a$$ who uses his disability to harass the people around them and you absolutely do not have to tolerate it.

If he burps, tell him he is disgusting and walk away. If he touches your stuff, scream at him to drop it. If he wants to act like an animal, treat him like one. Disabled people can also be AHs just because they are AHs, they have no excuse and people tend to allow them to get away with it. Don't be one of them.

sublime_369 wrote:

NTA. This idiot is a serious boundary stepper and they're using their autism as a pass to excuse atrocious behaviour. Your friends sound like the sanctimonious type who will always deem individuals with labels to be in the right in any given conflict regardless of the facts.

I certainly wouldn't invite the individual to my place again - you've given them more than one chance - and if your other friends want to make a beef out of it honestly I would be prepared to move on. You can always make new friends.

awesome-ocelot21 wrote:

NTA - coming from a high functioning autistic, even if they can not pick up social cues, you have told them several times your boundaries, yet they still continue to burp in your face.

I personally do not understand what thought process they would have to have to pick up medical devices, Nevermind they have been in your ears. I wouldn't even touch a person's crutches, let alone something so small, sensitive, and expensive.

They are the Ahole. They shouldn't be using their diagnosis as an excuse or shield. If it happens once and you express your dislike and boundaries, it should not happen again. Period.

rat_with_a_knife wrote:

As a professional autism...were they f#$king drunk???? Ain't no way they thought that was okay behaviour.

You are under no obligation to host someone who doesn't respect your personal things, especially DISABILITY AIDS. The irony of their disability being used as an excuse to mess with your disability aids is not lost on me. I'd get it if it were the first time burping at you, or if they forgot and felt guilty for it and apologised, but the complete disregard when you've already told em so many times is kinda ridiculous.

If they truly, genuinely, did not realise how badly they were acting, then now you've told them they're gonna feel really guilty, apologise and try to make it up to you, as in, not blame you for being upset at their behaviour. If they DO try to blame you or brush it off, they aren't sorry and will do it again. NTA either way.

ETA I have a condition that makes me veryyy burpy and it can get LOUD. I'd never even dream of burping in someones face..especially if they said it smelled bad, I'd be mortified!! Hell, every time I burp especially loud I apologise because I'm very aware it's not nice.

For honesty's sake, I do also try to turn it into something funny sometimes (like trying to say Bada Bing Bada Boom in Burpish) just to like, lighten it, but even that is borne from feeling bad about it and trying to re-wire myself to not feel so guilty over it and to hopefully make it less annoying for other people. Straight up burping in someones face despite being told not to multiple times?? Dear lord. This person sucks.

Lows-and-high wrote:

"Do not handle my medical device" is not a social cue, what the actual fuck. The belching in your face is so disgusting, that would have been enough for me. But messing with your hearing aids? I don't know what kind you have, but some are rather fragile on top of being friggin' expensive. A person can be autistic and an AH, sounds like this person fits the bill.

I would not allow this person in your home in the future. Whoever is the one who often brings the AH, make it clear the AH isn't allowed in your home before the gathering. If the AH shows up, turn them away.

"You have proven you cannot respect my home (by messing with my medical devices), so you are no longer welcome." Don't back down. As for being around the AH at gatherings outside of your home, after the first time the belch in your face "that is extremely rude, please do not do it again."

If they do? Walk away, join another conversation or just go somewhere else. Speak loud and clear, there's no reason for anyone to put up with that behavior, that's disgusting and it doesn't sound like there's anything preventing the AH from understanding that. If your friends continue to side with the AH? Sounds like you need new friends.