'AITA for kicking out my maid-of-honor 2 days before the wedding because of her dress?'
"AITA for kicking my maid of honor out of my wedding two days before the ceremony over a dress issue?"
So I (30F) got married this past weekend, and while it was overall an amazing day, there was major drama with my now ex–maid of honor , “Claire” (31F), who I’ve been best friends with since college.
Claire has always had a bit of a “main character” complex she’s loud, charming, and tends to dominate a room. I’ve learned to live with it, but I made it clear from the start that I really wanted the wedding to be simple and elegant. The bridesmaid dresses were floor-length black satin, very classic, and I picked a sleek satin wedding gown with no embellishments. Clean lines, minimalist vibe.
Fast forward to two days before the wedding. We do the final dress try-on, and Claire shows up with a completely different dress same color, but it has a thigh-high slit, sequins, and a plunging neckline. It’s very “Met Gala,” not “garden wedding."
I asked her (privately) why she changed it, and she said she “couldn’t wear the original one” because it made her feel “fat and frumpy.” I offered to help her get it tailored (I would’ve paid), but she insisted the new one was better and that “nobody would be looking at me anyway.”
Here’s where I might be the a**hole: I told her she either wears the dress the rest of the bridal party is wearing or she can step down. She said I was being controlling and superficial. I said it wasn’t about her comfort — it was about respecting the event and not turning the bridal party into a runway. She refused to budge. So I told her I was replacing her as MOH. She thought I was bluffing. I wasn’t.
She left in tears and didn’t come to the wedding at all. A few mutual friends said I overreacted and that I should’ve just let her wear the damn dress — that “it’s not worth losing a 10-year friendship.” My husband and my mom both supported me, but now I’m wondering if I let wedding stress turn me into a bridezilla. So… AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Historical-Shock-451 said:
NTA. "Nobody would be looking at me anyway" while wearing sequins? She knew exactly what she was doing.
AlwaysAboutMe said:
You didn’t lose a 10 year friendship, you lost a disrespectful person out of your life. I bet this really isn’t even close to the first time she tried to dismiss your feelings and opinions.
Well-Done22 said:
NTA. I don't think you threw away a 10 year friendship - she did. Someone else's wedding isn't the time for main character syndrome. She decided doing what she wanted was more important that honoring your wedding wishes. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Let her go her own way and burn some more friendships until hopefully one day she gets the message.
MsBaseball34 said:
NTA - she was trying to take over the wedding. The fact that she hid it from you meant she was trying to pull a fast one. You made the right call.
TrynaStayUnbanned said:
Yeah, it definitely wasn’t worth losing a 10 year friendship over a dress — so she should’ve sucked it up and put it on like any normal true friend would have. You’re not supposed to look good in a bridesmaid dress. You’re not even supposed to feel good in it. Feeling and looking good are the purpose of your own personal clothing.
This is not a person’s personal clothing, and feeling and looking good in it is not the purpose of a bridesmaid dress. It is a costume to wear for a couple hours. If you do look good or feel good in it that’s gravy — and also irrelevant. Its primary purpose is to be a costume. NTA.
PenelopeShoots said:
Your mutual friends need to go. Your wedding day is not her high slit and sequins day. It's worth losing a 10 year friendship over, because I have a feeling it wasn't much of a friendship, and SHE was the one willing to lose you over not getting to be the center of attention on YOUR day.
NTA. You need new friends who aren't scared of her and favoring her over you... you need REAL friends. Four quarters is better than 100 pennies, so less friends who are true blue are better.