'AITA for kicking out my cousins’ wives after they accused me of trying to steal their husbands?'

"AITA for kicking my cousins’ wives out after they accused me of trying to steal their husbands, basically my cousins?"

I (28F) come from a very religious community. My parents immigrated to our country as refugees, and the only “family” they had nearby were distant relatives (like fifth cousins once removed). But they became close and built their own little community.

There were originally seven sets of aunts and uncles and their many kids. This started before I was born, so it’s been going on for 30+ years. There are more relatives now, but that core group (plus three grandparents) is basically our extended family.

We all grew up extremely close, some of us were born months apart because our moms planned their pregnancies together. We range from 33 to 17 in our current cousins/friends group, plus younger siblings and kids (I’m 28 and my sister is 4, for example).

Our parents raised us like siblings. They drove us to school together, enrolled us in the same religious classes, vacationed together (even abroad), and rotated childcare. They even moved into the same neighborhood so no house was more than 10 minutes away.

Some parents breastfed each other’s kids and that makes you “milk siblings,” which means you can’t marry each other and have relaxed modesty boundaries. So even though most of us aren’t biologically that close, we are family. None of us would ever see each other romantically, and our parents treat us like siblings too.

As adults, we’re still inseparable. We go on holidays, hang out after work, and have regular game nights. The cousins with kids share babysitting duties. Our dynamic is extremely tight-knit.

We all have silly nicknames from childhood that just stuck. For example, “Wowa” for a cousin named Aurora. It sounds dumb, but calling each other by real names now feels cold and rude almost. Usually only family uses these names, though spouses eventually pick them up too.

Until recently, no one had an issue with this setup. But two of my cousins (29M and 28M) recently got married, and their wives (27F and 28F) have joined our gatherings like game nights, BBQs, kids’ parties, etc. To be noted, a lot of these happen at my house or my parents’ house because I love hosting and as a single woman who lives alone in a big house, I’ve always got space and it’s just easier for the family.

From the start, both wives seemed to have an attitude toward some of us, especially me. I originally thought it was because they didn’t know me well as we spent less time together in these gatherings as I would get busy as the hostess. But it might also be because I’m friendly and share a lot of hobbies/professional interests with those cousins.

We talk often and they’re also over at my place often. I guess that rubbed the wives the wrong way. Last Saturday, I hosted an impromptu pizza night because I’d just bought a pizza oven. Since it wasn’t planned, only about half the cousins could make it. The two cousins and their wives came early.

After hanging out for a bit, the guys left to grab donuts for the group, leaving me, the two wives, and two younger female cousins at my place. We were chatting in the kitchen while I prepped toppings when things suddenly turned nasty.

The wives started asking pointed questions about my relationship status, mocking me for putting more effort into family than dating. One almost called me a prostitute (in our language) for not wearing a headscarf around the guys, wearing revealing dresses and “trying to steal their men.”

Then they started picking apart everything; my dress, body, house, hobbies. They even called me a “pick-me” for liking things like gaming and robotics. It was a full-on tag-team insult session. I was so shocked I just stared at them, and my younger cousins were too stunned to say anything. Eventually, I stood up and told them to get out of my house.

They looked at me like I was insane. It was raining and their husbands had the car they arrived in together but I told them, calmly but coldly, “Leave before I drag you out myself.” I opened the door, pointed outside, and told them to get off my property.

They finally left, and I locked the door, turned off the porch light (yes, I was being petty), and just stood there shaking with anger. My cousins comforted me and texted their brothers to explain what happened.

Apparently, the wives were mad that I used childhood nicknames for their husbands, names they “weren’t allowed” to use. They were also mad that I spend too much time with them and talking to the cousins.

They completely ignored the fact that they could have joined us anytime. I even lent one cousin my Switch so he could try to get his wife into gaming. But apparently, everything about me just irritated them. And all the offers I made were just not good to be enough.

Now I’m wondering if I’m the AH. I can see how my closeness to my cousins might make their wives uncomfortable, and maybe I should’ve been more aware of that. But I still feel like I was justified in kicking them out after they insulted me in my own home.

I feel like this whole thing could have been avoided by their wives communicating with either me or their husbands. But I’ll be honest, I’m not sure if I’d want to put boundaries between me and the boys if the wives asked. That might make me the a$$hole too.

So, AITA for kicking them out (into the rainy night) after they accused me of trying to steal my cousins, who I see as almost my brothers?

TL;DR: My cousins’ wives accused me of being inappropriate with their husbands (basically my cousins) and insulted me in my own home. I kicked them out into the rain at night, alone. Now I’m wondering if I went too far.

This is what people had to say to OP:

DifferentZucchini3 said:

NTA they were over the line disrespectful to you as guests in your home. Did you tell their husbands as well as your family what they said to you? If not you should do so before they can get their side of the story out their first.

GingerTuxedoTabby said:

Did their husbands agree with you or their wives? Personal opinion, NTA. I've thrown people out for less. You don't insult someone in their own home and definitely didn't attack family unless it's supported by proof not ideas.

OP responded:

Thank you for agreeing. I think I mostly feel bad because I’ve never had to do that before. And as far as I can tell, their husbands were just as confused as I was.

LeastInstruction2508 said:

NTA. They're jealous of you and it shows hard. If you put up with that level of disrespect in your own home what do you think they would do next? If they felt insecure they should have talked to their husbands, not attack you.

EntrepreneurMost1594 said:

NTA: They’re the AHs and if your cousins can’t understand they married two immature children they’re AHs to. It’s your home if you wanted to wear a bikini in the middle of winter go for it. I don’t blame you they sound insufferable.

Negative-Chard4382 said:

Why you in particular btw they don’t seem to have a problem with any other female cousin? NTA and don’t host them again until they apologize publicly.

OP responded:

Probably because I’m closest to the cousins in question. They hang out with me a lot, even coming over for an hour or more after work and on their way home. We play video games together. And before they got married, I went on trips with them individually to Japan and Thailand

JosKarith said:

NTA but I think the days of your closeness are coming to an end.

And OP responded:

That thought honestly breaks my heart. We’ve done everything together, including homework. They feel like my twins.