'AITA for kicking out my husband after he took my $60 of returnables and gave them to his mom?'

"AITA for telling my husband he needs to leave for a few days over something really stupid?"

My judgement is incredibly clouded right now. Yes, communication goes a long way but I have communicated this stuff to my husband and basically, if he doesn't see something as a "big deal" than it goes in one ear and out the other.

He gave his mother my 12 bags of returnables. Around $60 worth of bottles. His response to me being angry is "its sixty dollars, its not even a big deal." To me it is a big deal.

I am technically a SAHM to our 4 children. I do odd jobs like door dash and instacart (with 3 of the 4 kids with me, the other child is old enough to stay home) and make very little money selling outgrown clothing, or toys or baby furniture that we no longer use. But outside of that, I am just home. I do all doctors appointments, all domestic labor (cooking, cleaning, kid duty), all activities planning.

I am literally never slowing down at this point because of how busy I am. He works and busts his sack doing overnights (his preferred schedule). He pays all big bills (electric, insurance, water, heat). I pay for me and my kids phones, all food, everything the house needs (toiletries, diapers, soaps, etc) and the internet bill. But when im done paying those things, I have no money left over.

So yes, I am an absolute stickler about my bottles and cans because it gives me that little bit of extra as a "just in case" or to treat us to something nice. Usually I have around $200 extra a month from the bottles and cans. I absolutely refuse to use my husbands money for anything. Food or anything else. So no, he does not help covering extras with his funds.

He does other things, like save for retirement or whatever, and I prefer that. I bring all returnables to clink at the end of the month. I've been doing this for 4 years and it helps so much.

My husband knows how much this means to me because we have talked about it often and he's joked around and poked fun at me, saying things like "oh yeah my wife and her cans" because even when we go to his buddies houses or family events, I save our bottles and cans. So, he knows.

But yeah, I went to add a full bag of cans to my collection this morning and all of my bags are gone. I originally thought "my husband must have returned them for me, that's sweet," but I go inside and asked if he returned them and asked for the clink receipt and he nonchalantly goes "oh, no, my mom came over last night and noticed the bags and said she could use them because she was running low on cash."

His mom is on SSI, Disability, has a FT job and gets food stamps. Her rent is only $350 a month, everything included. And this isn't the first time shes been "short on cash" because she enables her alcoholic BF, who does not have a job, and we have had to bail her out so she doesn't lose her housing.

He knows I take issue with helping her out too because right now, we are trying to save money for a down payment on a home loan. So it's not just the bottles and cans, its also the added factor of the fact that he knows im tired of bailing his mom out after she blows all her money on her BFs alcohol addiction. I dont like it being an "us" issue when it's clearly a her issue.

Anyways, I told him he needs to leave for a few days so I can collect my thoughts and cool off. I own the home (premarital, pre-relationship home that I have owned for 13 years and no, he doesn't pay my mortgage because I bought my home outright with inheritance money and I pay the land tax every year).

He thinks i'm being ridiculous. And maybe I am guys. Maybe I am. Like I said, my judgement is so clouded right now. But I feel so disrespected. Like I said, he keeps sayinf "it was sixty dollars, get over it". But to me, im thinking "if she needed $60 why didnt you just use your paycheck and not take from me?" AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Last_Blueberry_6766 said:

He always talks about your bottles and cans, and the cash you get.
He told his mother about your bottles and cans, and the cash you get.
His mother wanted your money. He facilitated it.
He owes you (a) a sincere apology, (b) the cash.

His mother owes you an apology.
If you don't get the apologies, it'll happen again.
NTA

2mankyhookers said:

Jesus , woman , your husband is having you over a barrel , the house is yours , you pay the taxes , you pay for all the household bills , you pay for the food and groceries & he just pays a few utility bills , and that's it. The least you need to be doing is charging this guy rent , and feck his mother right off

Fancy-Priority9863 said:

Why doesn’t he pay for food etc he’s eating it also nah he basically stole from you.

LifeExplorer1021 said:

If my math is correct it looks like he's paying like $700 a month and you are doing absolutely everything. The whole mental load, the whole homemaker deal, he's just going to work and coming back to your hotel. And he's not even paying a fair market rate at your hotel. You need to be digging into those funds girl. Jeez, you're worthy more than that. Don't act like SAHM is easy breezy, it's a JOB!

lilygreenfire said:

Yta if you dont leave this fkn waste of air. This entire post pissed me off.

JollyRevolution_ asked:

Are they his biological kids too, or yours only from a previous relationship?

OP responded:

2 are mine from a previous relationship. Their dad passed when I was pregnant with them 14 years ago. One is disabled. So... i get it.

Loud_Ad_6871 asked:

So he’s out of the house 16 hours? How long is his shift? How long is his commute? How many days a week does he work? I’ve worked hospital based jobs with 13 hour shifts but we only worked 3 days a week.

OP responded:

His job is 13 minutes from our home and he works 4-5 days a week depending if he takes up a shift on weekends; which he usually does.

And OP added this in the comments:

He was helping with the food bill for a couple months bur honestly, it just came with attitude and him getting pissed off that "the kids are eating everything" so to save my own mental state, I just stopped allowing him to help foot the bill.