'AITA for kicking out my pregnant fiancé because she screamed in my face when I was sleeping?'
"AITA for kicking out my pregnant fiancé because she screamed in my face when I was sleeping?"
Straight-Talk-9640
My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and she is currently 5.5 months pregnant with our daughter. 4 weeks ago I was promoted and this meant a complete job shift.
I'm doing a lot heavier physical labor now and due to this, my sleeping patterns have been royally messed up. I have started tossing and turning in my sleep, talking, snoring, groping her (and being completely unaware of it) and just being all around restless.
I understand this is a "me" issue and that I need to find a way to correct it but haven't found alternatives so far. Sleeping pills helps with the snoring and groping and I still flail around apparently and it leaves me groggy the next day - leading to an unsafe work environment. So I tend to not take them unless I don't work the next day.
Well, several times I have woken up to my fiancé sleeping on the couch and her being over the top angry at me because she's "sick" of me causing her sleepless nights. I have slept on the couch a few times to try and give her space but I can't do that too often because the couch is extremely hard on the back and it leaves me in physical pain. Mix that with the manual labor I work and it sucks.
Well, last night I apparently kept elbowing her in my sleep. We have a king sized bed but I guess I kept rolling over to her side and elbowing her in the process. I did wake up once to her physically pushing me so I moved back to my side but fell back in to a deep sleep almost immediately following.
That is until I woke up to her screaming in my face, saying "stop elbowing me in the face!" And calling me a "prick". Her screaming in my face like that immediately triggered something in me and I told her to get out.
As soon as she left, I felt terrible. I assumed she was just out in the car and while I sat and waited for her to return, I fell asleep. Woke up to my alarm at 6:30am and found her still gone. I texted her and got no response.
I spent the entire day at work texting and calling and she ignored me. Well, in a panic I started blowing up her phone 30 minutes ago, calls right back to back and texting her asking her to please meet me back at this house so we could talk about this.
She just texted back and said "not a chance in hell actually. Go F#
ETA: I did apologize. She said it wasn't good enough because her reaction was more justified than mine was. Apparently I elbowed her in the face 5x over a 2 hour span and pushed her off the bed twice and she was done with it because she "woke me up" several times (I don't recall) and I just kept doing it.
Two separate beds isn't an option currently, due to lack of space. But she said she won't be coming back any time soon, if ever, because she's been sleeping at most 2hrs a night due to "my issues" and she's tired of dealing with it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
x_hyperballad_x
Dude, you need to be doing more to resolve your sleep issues, like yesterday. She needs sleep just as much as you do, and this obviously can’t continue. Get a good quality air mattress or invest in a sleeper sofa, or set up a bed in another room or in the basement if you have the room. This isn’t a completely unsolvable problem.
BeardManMichael
I mean.... A pregnancy definitely needs more than 2 hours of sleep per night. I would argue lack of sleep will have more severe consequences for her.
You're right though. This is a solvable problem.
Glum-Weakness-1930
😤 I've been pregnant 3 times. Yes, there are hormones, but that doesn't mean you can just IGNORE my feelings! Your body is becoming more and more uncomfortable by the day. Sleeping in a bed by yourself is hard enough, but add a 200 lb toddler to your bed and I can see her frustration.
I get where they're both coming from. She desperately needs sleep and he is actually incapable of changing what he does in his sleep. Spending anywhere from $150 to $600 or even $1000 on a nice futon could save the marriage.
Apart_Foundation1702
Exactly! OP hormones! Really that's your excuse??? No! Any normal person pregnant or not would react in the same way. You can't expect her to put up with that whilst you figure it out, it's simply not fair or safe. You need a sleep clinic ASAP, before you become single if you haven't already. YTA.
Real-Negotiation8162
Yta sorry she isn't being hormonal she's being assaulted in her sleep. I get that it's not on purpose but your literally pushing a pregnant woman out of bed in her sleep. What I'd she doesn't catch herself in time, what if u accidentally hit her stomach. How would you feel if she mis carried and it was your fault. Invest in an air mattress and schedule an appointment with your doctor and see what they can do to help.
MixWitch
I get that the way she woke you up this last time was triggering for you, so how triggering do you think it is for the pregnant person to be physically harmed REPEATEDLY throughout the night?
Your reaction to her screaming at you was to kick her out, her reaction to you constantly hitting her was to scream at you. Do you really think HER reaction was more extreme than yours? She is the one growing a human.
She is the one being physically harmed. She is the one dealing with severe sleep deprivation as a result of YOU HITTING HER WHILE SHE SLEEPS. But her yelling at you is an overreaction? Really? YTA and she has every right to never share a bed with you again.
changelingcd
YTA. Your back hurts on the couch? Buy an air mattress, find an alternative. You didn't go see where she was when you made her leave, you pretend nothing is your fault, you're both crazy with poor sleep.. and the baby isn't even here yet. Good luck.
CarpeCyprinidae
I can't think of a better description of someone who allows their untreated sleep disorder to ruin their partner's life than fucking prick, actually. YTA. FP.
Ok_Contest_8089
YTA she's pregnant dude. She's carrying your child. And you're depriving her of sleep. Having your pregnant fiance sleep on an uncomfortable couch while PREGNANT is so selfish. If anyone should get the f out it's you.