Groom kicks parents out of wedding for bringing estranged brother despite explicit warnings. AITA?
"AITA for kicking my parents out of my wedding after they tried to bring my estranged brother?"
I (29M) recently married the love of my life (27F). The wedding was everything we dreamed of…
except for one major issue caused by my parents.
For context, I am estranged from my older brother, Luke (35M). He bullied me relentlessly throughout my childhood—verbally, emotionally, and even physically. My parents always downplayed it, brushing it off as “normal sibling stuff.” But it wasn’t. Luke made my life hell for years, and when I finally went no-contact with him five years ago, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
My parents, however, have never accepted my choice. They constantly try to guilt me into reconciling, saying “family is everything” and “Luke has changed.” I’ve stood firm, though, because I know letting him back into my life would only bring pain.
When my fiancée and I were planning our wedding, I made it clear to my parents that Luke was not invited. I even told them if they tried to bring him, they’d be asked to leave. They reluctantly agreed—or so I thought.
The day of the wedding, as we’re greeting guests before the ceremony, I see my parents walk in… with Luke. My heart sank. I immediately pulled them aside and asked what the hell they were doing.
My mom said they “couldn’t leave him out” because he’s “still family” and thought “once I saw him, I’d get over it.” I was furious. I told them they had two options: either they leave with Luke, or they leave without him, but he wasn’t staying.
My dad started arguing, saying I was being dramatic and ruining my own wedding, while my mom started crying about how I was “tearing the family apart.” I stood my ground and told them to leave. In the end, they stormed out with Luke, and neither of them stayed for the ceremony.
The rest of the day was amazing, but now the fallout has begun. My parents have been blowing up my phone, accusing me of humiliating them in front of the family.
Extended relatives are divided—some say I did the right thing, while others think I overreacted and should’ve just “kept the peace” for one day. Even a couple of my friends said I could’ve handled it more quietly by letting him stay but ignoring him.
My wife is 100% on my side, but I can’t help feeling conflicted.
AITA for standing my ground and kicking my parents out of my wedding?
Edit for more context: Luke hasn’t apologized or even acknowledged the pain he caused me. My parents’ idea of “reconciliation” is pretending the past never happened. Also, my wife and I paid for the wedding ourselves, so my parents had no financial stake in it. And for those of you talking about blocking them, I don’t think I am able to do that. They’re my parents.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. Blowing up your phone? There's a button for that...block them.
100% NTA and agree with the above. I get that you've made an edit that you can't go NC because 'they're your parents' but hun, you can't continue to enable this, what's next? They're gonna bring grand kids into it.
When you visit with the kids, your bro is gonna be there with his. When you and your wife go away for work or holidays, they're gonna take the kids to see 'uncle Luke' because they're family.
My egg donor absolutely ruined my wedding, and my husband and I have never forgiven her for it. It was the last straw for me/us. I've been NC with her for over a decade and it was the best decision I ever made. You need to start really thinking about yours and your wife's future.
This is correct. OP, this is not the first time your parents have done something like this. If they were not like this your whole life, you wouldn’t have had to warn them not to bring Luke or they’d be asked to leave.
You warned them because you knew they would do that…and they did. Think about all the ways they have marginalized you, dismissed your feelings, told you to do it “for the sake of the family,” allowed your brother to hurt you with no repercussions, downplayed what he did to you, etc., etc., etc.
It might not be as hard to go NC when you realize they haven’t been good parents to you. Tell them that you wish you had the parents Luke has. He’s lucky; he got the good parents.
not the AH. setting boundaries isn’t “tearing the family apart”—your parents did that by ignoring your pain and trying to force luke back into your life. good for you for standing up for yourself.
"And for those of you talking about blocking them, I don’t think I am able to do that. They’re my parents." Dude. Your parents already "blocked you" in real life. They just keep harassing you about it. You don't count. You don't matter. Certainly not as much as Luke does. But you might want to see a therapist. That'll help. NTA.
And for those of you talking about blocking them, I don’t think I am able to do that. They’re my parents.
OP, gonna remind you of this little nugget: you kicked your parents out of your wedding. Blocking them is just the icing on the cake. Stop bending over and taking their vitriol.
They humiliated themselves by not respecting your wishes at your own wedding , screw Luke , and screw your parents.
NTA. It maddens me when folks think the victim needs to accept reconciliation "for family". I think it mostly stems from the fact they are all certain they can't change the AH. They knew clearly what your boundaries were. They knew why. And they just wanted to steamroll all that to fix their sensibilities.
Seems there's been years they could have been working on the AH of the family to mend fences if parents were so concerned. Instead they thought they could get away with it as you wouldn't make a scene at your own wedding.
Pretty unforgiveable imo. Perhaps go NC with them. Let them know you'll check back around your first anniversary to see if they have learned any remorse. And that remorse would include apologies, promises to never force reconciliation, and no mention of the AH). If not, make it 5 more yrs. Don't let any toxic BS effect your new marriage (congrats).