"AITA for kicking my wife out of bed for my son?"
My wife (35f) and I (37m) have been married for a few months shy of 6 years now. We dated for an additional year before that. Two years into our marriage, I had a son with someone who was NOT my wife (do with that what you will) Wife was very, very NOT happy with me for awhile, floated the idea of divorce but instead asked me to go to counseling (on my own and as a couple).
I did that without complaint and thought we were finally in a good, healthy place again. We did 50/50 custody with my son's biological mother for the first few years, but she bailed last year when she met a new man and decided she apparently was done being a Mom.
My son, now 4 years old, is going through some kind of sleep regression and demanding to sleep in the bed with my wife and I every night. We've tried everything - staying in his room until he falls asleep, letting him fall asleep in our bed and then moving him to his own bed when he dozes off - none of it works.
He always ends up back in our bed. We asked the pediatrician who says this just happens sometimes and even suggested that it's likely due to his biological mom no longer being around.
Now, I have no problem with this, but my wife does. She never says anything in front of my son, but has brought up to me a few times that she finds it impossible to sleep with (in her words) "son starfished in the middle of the bed".
A week and a half ago, she waited until son fell asleep then grabbed a throw blanket and her pillow to go sleep on the couch. This is now her nightly routine. When I told her that this phase will pass and we just need to wait it out, she just sighed.
She told me it had better pass soon and that she's already made a lot of sacrifices for my son and won't let her ability to sleep be one more thing. I told her that if it came down to her beauty sleep or my child feeling secure at night, I'm picking my son every time. She's been relatively distant ever since.
To be clear, she is a phenomenal step-mother to my son the rest of the time. It's just the bedtime thing that really has her sinking her heels in. AITA for what I said or is my wife being dramatic, and we just need to wait this out?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
YTA. I feel so sad that your wife chose to stay with you after that when she deserves so much more.
It's good that you priorotize you child's needs. Your son relies on you. Your wife cannot rely on you. She should divorce you. Have fun as a single parent, you don't deserve her support.
YTA. Dude. It’s not ‘her beauty sleep.’ Sleep is frickin’ necessary. For everyone. You’re expecting her to go without sleep, without doing anything except ‘wait and hope it gets better.’ You need to do better by your wife.
Can you figure out other sleep arrangements in your room to help your son feel secure and your wife get sleep? Like maybe a small cot next to your side of the bed so he is still close to you?
YTA for telling her that you pick your son over her every time, even if it IS true. I can’t even IMAGINE my husband knocking up another woman while being married to me. You’re still living with the consequences of your actions, I’m afraid. Plus you are AWFULLY lucky she has been such a good stepmom to him.
YTA- hopefully she divorces your cheating ass. You need to go into YOUR son’s room and sleep with him instead of pushing her to the couch.
YTA. Beauty sleep is a lovely way of minimising your wife's very real need to sleep. You could have tried to find an alternative solution instead that showed some consideration for your wife.
Especially since this issue will probably last about 3 years since you have no plans to try to address it. Your poor wife. Let's hope she decides a cheating creep is not worth loosing sleep for. Poor kid is going to to lose another mom.
The biggest YTA possible! Kiss your marriage to that saint of a woman goodbye with your attitude. YOU cheated and had a kid with your fling. If YOU will pick your son over your wife then YOU should be the one who deals with his sleeping. Go sleep in his room. Better yet, go sleep in the dog house and get comfortable because you're gonna be there quite a while.
YTA. Yes, you have to deal with a child who is having problems with his dependancy. But you also have a wife (who happened to be with you before you irresponsibly impregnated someone else) who is having trouble sleeping with your son in the bed you share. I do not see a problem with her wanting to get her, as you say "beauty sleep" (which I think is very caddish of you to imply that her sleep isn't important).
You need to get off your high horse and come back down to earthly reality. This problem started with you. Take measures to allow your wife to get some good sleep. I think it's appropriate for you to sleep in your son's room for the duration.
Stop demanding that your wife subject herself to a situation you created. The fact that she didn't leave you when she found out and that she treats your affair son like her own child should be enough indication that you, sir, are the absolute AH.
YTA, especially since your wife appears to have medical reasons for needing her sleep, which you conveniently left out of the main text, as if it’s not important. She’s not trying to be mean to your son, she’s trying to be healthy for herself.
Her health affects the entire family. Get your head out of your rear and stop putting yourself and your wants and needs above your wife. Your son needs BOTH of you right now.
Try putting a sleeping bag on the floor next to the bed, sleeping in his bed with him, or putting him on the outside of the bed with you in the middle. Find solutions rather than dismissing your wife’s current problems and creating more with your marriage.