'AITA for laughing when I found out who my girlfriend left me for?'
"AITA for laughing when I found out who my girlfriend left me for?"
I’m 19m, my ex is 19f, her ex boyfriend she went back to is 22m. I’ve been dating her casually for a couple months, and she told me the day before Valentine’s Day that she has been talking to somebody else and wanted to break up with me to be with him.
I asked who, and she said it was her ex. This made me involuntarily laugh because from what she told me + what I’ve heard from mutual friends that know him is a) he’s a diagnosed narcissist b) he is unemployed and lives off his parents and her when she was dating him c) he initially turned her down when she asked him out, asked out another girl, was rejected, and decided to date her.
Additionally, I’ve seen him, and he’s honestly not very attractive. So the sheer stupidity of going back to him made me laugh. Breaking up with me is one thing and fair, but how stupid do you have to be to go back to that?
She got angry at me for laughing and said I was just trying to make her feel bad because I’m hurt. I thought about it for a second, and realized I wasn’t hurt. Normally if my girlfriend left me for somebody else, I would have been, but in this case, the fact she’s going back to him of all people made me realize 2 things:
1) she’s making an objectively really stupid decision, and that level of stupidity is unattractive to me, so I didn’t feel I was losing anybody I respect or find attractive on a level beyond physical anymore 2) her making a stupid decision says more about her inability to judge what a good boyfriend would be, more so than my attractiveness.
I told her as such, and she got angry and stormed off. Some mutual friends said I was an a%$#ole for belittling her decision and laughing at her. I think some decisions deserve to be laughed at. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
"she’s making an objectively really stupid decision, and that level of stupidity is unattractive to me, so I didn’t feel I was losing anybody I respect or find attractive on a level beyond physical anymore "
You rock with this line bro. Honestly,I want an update months from now,when she is BEGGING you to take her back
I appreciate you. And honestly I’m not sure if that will happen since I made it clear to her I don’t feel I’m losing much and won’t miss her given what I learned about her lack of a brain, so I’m not sure she’ll have it in her to come back. If she does I shall update.
NTA - She left you for her deadbeat ex on the day before Valentine's and you got turned into de bad guy? Cut these people from your life dude.
Right? Was he supposed to wail and moan and beat his chest dramatically to show his anguish? 🙄 She chose to leave him. And it’s possible she was cheating on him with the ex before she made up her mind which one she wanted. Or not, but she was at least “talking” to him. Either way, NTA for not being devastated by the breakup to everyone else’s satisfaction.
NTA I'd totally laugh as well. She willingly chose to downgrade, not very smart. You arent missing out.
That thought process is what helped me get over it so quickly. If what I lost is somebody who can’t see such an obvious downgrade, I’m not losing much
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NTA. This is the best answer to someone that break up with you for another person.
Honestly, I surprised myself by feeling this way, in the past I would’ve been distraught and beating myself up about not being good enough.
NTA. It was involuntary because of what an incredibly stupid decision she made. And it got you away from her.
Clever people can be gaslighted and manipulated, too. But hey, she was out of his grasp, she was on safe ground with you, he shouldn’t really have any hold over her at all. She mad a choice.
Yeah, 100% agree that it’s possible to be manipulated even when you’re intelligent. I just don’t think knowing a guy is a legit narcissist with nothing going on for him and no affection for you and deciding to be with him not once but twice reflects much intelligence