"AITA for laughing about a pretend allergy?"
My parents gave up wanting responsibilities for Thanksgiving meal about five years ago. My house is big enough to host and I enjoy cooking so for the past three years the duties have fallen to me. I make the turkey, the stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy and rolls. Others bring sides and things like chips and drinks.
This year, my brother and his wife came into town early and stayed over. Thanksgiving, mid- morning my sister-in-law wanders into the kitchen while I'm making stuffing. She sees my pile of bread crumbs/celery/onion/sausage in a bowl and me sautéing mushrooms.
She says, "What are THOSE for?" I told her they were for the stuffing. She put her hands on her hips and said, freaking out, "You can't put mushrooms in the stuffing. I'm allergic!"
I was stupefied. I said, "When did this happen?"
And she just looked at me like I was an idiot so I said, "When did you discover you're allergic to mushrooms?"
She scoffed and said, "I've always been allergic." Now the thing is, when I make my stuffing I like things to be well incorporated, and I always chop the mushrooms small after I sauté them.
So they're not actually apparent in the mix as mushrooms among the other ingredients. I burst out in a laugh and said, "Well, that's interesting, because you weren't allergic last year. And you weren't allergic the year before."
She asked me what I meant, and I told her I'd been making stuffing like this every year she's eaten it, and furthermore she's raved over it, and had zero allergic reaction. So maybe she's not allergic. Maybe she just thinks she doesn't like mushrooms.
She got visibly angry and went to my brother to tell him, and she told him she wanted to leave, but he wanted to stay. So she spent the entire rest of the day shooting daggers at me with her eyes.
They were supposed to stay through the weekend but they left Thanksgiving night. I confided in my mom and my sister yesterday and they kind of chuckled and said it's not my fault, but my brother texted me this morning that I could have just not used the mushrooms, and that I made his wife feel stupid for no reason. I maintain I didn't make her feel anything. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. You pointed out you've used the same recipe. If she felt stupid, that was entirely herself making her feel stupid. You said nothing whatsoever to make her feel that way.
If she’s been eating the same stuffing for years with no issue, that’s on her. You can’t suddenly rewrite history and expect everyone else to play along. Sounds more like embarrassment than an actual allergy.
NTA because no one with a food allergy should eat at someone else’s house without disclosing that allergy. I have several food allergies but only a couple cause anaphylactic reactions. I carry EpiPens and always disclose my allergies when accepting an invitation, basically saying I don’t want to be a pain but I can’t eat these 5 items so if thats a problem let me know.
NTA. If she never told you she was allergic and she’s been eating it for years, this is a scam.
NTA. Idiots like your SIL are the reason people with ACTUAL ALLERGIES THAT COULD KILL THEM have problems.
NTA. I believe it’s the responsibility of the one with allergies to inform others of their condition. It should have been brought up on the first dinner with her. However, I caution against dismissing her allergy as “fake” without more info.
Food allergies don’t always come with immediate reactions. In my case, I get diarrhea the next day after ingesting my allergen. It took me months to discover my allergy due to similar misconception.
recalcitrant_scribe (OP)
We've got a kid in the family with multiple allergies to various nuts. She knows this, and that we are careful about it. I felt like if she was allergic she would have said.
NTA. She could just not eat the stuffing. And if she really believes she has an allergy "you ate this last year and the year before, did you have an adverse reaction?" is important medical information, so you were right to tell her. If what she does with that information is feel stupid and throw fits, that's on her.
NTA. My friend also is “allergic” to mushrooms. Unfortunately she’s been eating them at my house for about 20 yrs! She freaked out like your SIL & I giggled. 🤷♀️. People need to be upfront & say they aren’t fond of a certain food. No need to lie.
NTA. These things make me giggle. My SIL was over and sighed “are we gonna have to watch football all day?” I looked at her and said “next year u can host and play Disney movies all day.” She left right after dinner.
NTA... but I'll say this in her defense... I am allergic to mushrooms. Seemed weird, even to me, because I had eaten them before, absolutely love fried mushrooms. Turns out, I'm only allergic to *certain* mushrooms.
Food companies and even restaurants sometimes switch to different types of mushrooms. So maybe I can eat a particular dish for years, then suddenly can't anymore. The problem is that many people don't realize this. I didn't figure it out for years. Turns out I'd been needlessly denying myself for no reason.
I despise mushrooms, but when I'm a guest, I'm adult enough to eat them if they are tiny, or eat around them if they're big... Your SIL is just a winy Dino nugget and fries toddler.
No she made herself look stupid, if you are allergic to any food you tell your hosts before hand not when they are cooking the meal. Maybe she has had a reaction to something in the past and blamed the mushrooms or maybe she didn't like them when she tried them before. Good for you your stuffing sounds tasty.
My sister used to say she was allergic to bay leaves and she could taste them if the spoon had been in the gravy beforehand. Being a pest I used to make sure I dipped the spoon in the proper gravy first and she never knew I had done it except once when she saw me do it.