"AITA for laughing in my husband's face?"
So I F(32) have been married to my husband M(34) for 6 years. Before we got married he had me sign a prenup stating that our financials would always be separate and the only thing we would share was an expense account to pay for household-related fees.
The reason for this was because he was making pretty good money and I was in graduate school so my financial situation was pretty bad but I signed nonetheless because I understood he wanted to protect himself. Anyway fast forward to now, I’ve been out of school for about 4 years and I make more than 3 times as much as he does. (I never asked how much he makes and he’s never asked me either).
Anyway 2 weeks ago I told him that I was thinking about buying a new car as one I had, was really old since I had had it since my undergraduate days. He wasn’t really interested and just told me to get whatever I liked.
So a week ago I decided to make the plunge and get an Audi, I was pretty excited as I had always wanted one….(at the time my husband was on a business trip, he got back yesterday) and I showed him my car…
He was really happy for me, however later he asked me what my monthly payments were as the Audi was pretty new…at this point I told him that I had made the purchase in cash and that I had no monthly payments. He was taken back and asked with what money and I answered that I made more than enough money to be able to afford it. He didn’t talk after that and I thought that was that………
However after a few hours he came back to me and told that he thinks we should void the prenup……This is where I might be the a$$hole I laughed in his face and asked him why I would agree to that and his answer was that we’re married and should share our financials. So I told him that we’ve been married for 6 years and yet we’ve never shared financials and I was fine with what we were doing,
and his sudden change of heart was very suspicious. He called me a bunch of names and stormed out and didn’t come home and and I guess he told his family about our fight and they called to berate me and say how he supported me while I was in school (he didn’t) and now am wondering if I was the a$$hole??
Here's what people had to say:
[deleted] said:
NTA. not gonna lie, you two don’t sound like partners. you sound like you’re against each other in life. take this change of heart as the red flag that it is and consider how you want to proceed.
Icy_Mistake__ said:
So he wanted the prenup initially to protect his money because you didn’t have much, and now you have more money he wants to void the prenup so he can have more of your money? Hmm. No wonder you laughed in his face. NTA.
BentBent12 said:
NTA. I would have laughed too. But I find it very strange you both have no knowledge of the others finances. He wanted the prenup and he got it. Don’t back down
Janetaz18 said:
NTA. Interesting how things change once he figures out that you made more money than him. I think your hubby just met Karma. Serves him right. Don’t let anyone guilt you. I would suggest some marriage counseling because I’m not sure your marriage can survive his ego.
[deleted] said:
NTA. I would have laughed too. Now that it is no longer to HIS benefit, of COURSE, he wants to void the prenup. Haven't you figured out that what is his is his and he considers what is yours is his?
As long as HIS financials were protected, the prenup was fine. Now that he sees you as a cash cow, he wants to void the prenup. You have every RIGHT to be suspicious because....reread what I wrote.
BTW, it is NONE of his family's business. It always astounds me how the family gets involved when it is NOT THEIR FIGHT! And obviously, they don't have the full story (he did NOT support you while you were in school). It was nice while it lasted but, now that you are making so much more money, this marriage is over.
surfaholic15 said:
NTA. prenup is prenup. No point in changing the rules after the fact, especially if the rules might change to your detriment. Of course you can redo the prenup. If both of you bring all assets to the table, and negotiate a deal fair to both parties. But I suspect that wouldn't be the case...
OP later shared this edit:
I knew his salary when we got together, however he’s since gotten promoted and at first when I used to ask he would make comments that it was rude of me to ask how much he made so I stopped…he’s never really been interested in my career or job and we don’t bring our work home….
The reason I make 3x what he makes (I made the assumption from what I knew his salary had been) is because I work as a CRNA and he works as a software engineer.
And then, she shared this second edit:
I didn’t expect so many comments, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions….This post has really made me question everything in my life, I think am going to take a leave of absence from my work to sort out my life…..
My husband was only my second relationship and I guess I was too caught up in school, work and debt to really see that my marriage was a sham….am not blameless which is hard to swallow, so I am going to have conversation with my husband and see where we go from here if anywhere.
Then this 3rd edit:
Since it’s been a point of contention am gonna clear up a few things….I make 175 an hour and work between 40 to 48 hours a week…..from what I know he made about 90k when we got together am sure it higher now(he also works less hours)…
we live in a state that is not expensive so my monthly contribution is about 1000-1200 a month….he had some property in NE so he wanted to protect that and I had debt from school (he did too but mine was bigger).
Finally, OP came back with this update:
So a lot of you wanted an update on what happened next, here it is:
I did not take a leave of absence from work I called in and took a week off. (Am an independent contractor so I didn’t sign any new contracts)
I sat my husband down (he got back a few hours after my post) and suggested we should see a therapist, he refused. I asked him why he wanted to void the prenup? He said because he wanted to combine finances.
So I asked to see his bank accounts and as some of you predicted he had been misusing his money and was virtually broke….he basically had less than half of what I spent on my Audi….he had also made a series of bad investments and had apparently also sold his property that was in NE. But most of his money went to his gambling habit(I knew he gambled, but not at the rate I saw)
I asked where we went from here if he didn’t want to go marriage counseling? He replied that since I made more ( he showed me his paycheck and honestly based on what everyone was telling me I thought it would be on par with mine.
Long story short it wasn’t) he should quit his job and follow his dreams. (He wants to be a professional gambler? (Is that a thing?) I don’t know whose money he thinks he’s going to use ? to finance that)
I asked him who would support him while he was following his dreams since he hadn’t supported me I would also not be supportive. (My parents helped me out with the bills while I was in grad school)
He flipped out said I was lucky to have him, that he should have dumped me for a younger woman. (I replied that I should have dumped him for a younger man, I know it was childish but I couldn’t help it).He also said that it was unnatural for me to be making more than he was and that we should have had at least 3 kids by now.
I confess that I also lost my s$#t, and told him that the only younger women who would date him were the drunk or desperate one’s cause he had crazy written all over him.
After that whole fiasco I packed my bags, went to some friends house, got the number for a good divorce attorney from a friend and I will meet with him this week and hopefully start the process. I texted my soon to be ex that I was filling. His response:
He was never going to sign the divorce papers and that I was stuck with him whether I liked it or not. Honestly, everything happened so fast am still in shock, I don’t even know if I overreacted by talking about a divorce so fast. So that’s the update, am not sure what comes next but thanks for all the comments.