'AITA for laughing when my husband’s mom cried after I said I’d be naming my baby after my mom?'
"AITA for laughing when my husband’s mom cried after I said I’d be naming my baby after my mom?"
I (29f) am pregnant with my first baby. My mom passed away when I was 18 and was my best friend in the world. We were very close and losing her still hurts. My husband (31m) is close with his mom, but I’m not. She’s made comments about my weight, my grief, my job, and once told me my mom was “probably watching me mess up from heaven.” So yeah, I don’t care for her.
At dinner with his family, they asked if we’d picked a name yet. I said, “Yes, if it’s a girl, we’re naming her Melanie, after my mom.” His mom went completely silent and then started crying and left the table.
Later, she called me and said she assumed the baby would be named after her, Margaret and that I’d “disrespected her legacy.” I laughed and said, “Your legacy? You’re alive. She’s not. This isn’t about you.”
She told my husband I was cruel, and now I’m getting texts from his sister and cousins saying I embarrassed her and mocked her feelings.
AITA for laughing?
The internet continued to share their thoughts in response.
thirstrapqueen69 wrote:
NTA. Naming your baby after your late mom is a tribute, not an attack. His mom made it about herself..that’s on her, not you lol
MinuteBubbly9249 wrote:
OMG expecting you to name your baby after her is nuts. Like extreme level of narcissism.
fireflygal87 wrote:
"Mocked her feelings? Why should she be allowed to insult me, my grief and my dead mother and then still expect me to a) name MY child after HER or b) give a flying f#$k if she's upset? She has never once cared about my feelings. Her feelings are the least of my concern."
Firekeeper_Jason wrote:
No, you’re NTA. You’re more like the target. Your mother-in-law sounds like a classic narcissist...used to everyone tiptoeing around her ego and reacting with melodrama whenever the spotlight isn’t on her.
What happened here wasn’t cruelty so much as clarity. You named your baby after your mother, a woman you deeply loved and lost. That’s not just reasonable; it’s beautiful. The fact that your MIL made that about herself tells you everything you need to know.
Now, about the fallout. First, hold your ground without getting dragged into the drama. When the cousins or your husband’s sister send guilt-laced texts, you get one calm, clear response: “I’m honoring my mother. I understand Margaret is upset, but this isn’t about her. I won’t be discussing it further.”
Then go silent. Narcissists and their flying monkeys feed on attention. Don’t give them calories. Second, have a real conversation with your husband. This is the only opinion that truly matters here.
Make it clear: “This wasn’t about being disrespectful. It was about devotion. Your mom assumed she had a right to name our child and reacted like a martyr when she didn’t get her way. I didn’t laugh at her pain. I laughed at her entitlement.” That’s an important distinction, and one he needs to see clearly. If he doesn’t back you on this, that’s a bigger issue than his mother.
Third, lead with warmth in public, even when you’re holding boundaries. When people accuse you of being cruel, say something like: “I’m just grateful I had a mother worth naming my child after. Not everyone gets that.” It shifts the focus to love instead of drama, and it makes anyone pushing the “you’re so mean” narrative look petty in comparison.
You didn’t mock her feelings. You refused to play her game. That’s how you change the perception from cruelty to strength. Your daughter’s legacy has already begun. Let it start with this: My mother stood her ground with love and didn’t bow to shame disguised as tradition.
Lambsenglish wrote:
F#$k the sister, f#$k the cousins, f#$k her embarrassment. She said what she said and she did what she did. She invested her negative bulls#$t in this moment and you duly return the investment. Stand your ground, and tell your husband he’d better grow a spine and front it up for you too.
YouHaveGot2BJoking wrote:
Not at all! If she thinks YOU’RE the disrespectful one, she has serious delusions! Your baby - your choice. I can’t write here what I would say if that was my SO’s mother, but suffice is to say, I wouldn’t be getting an invite to Thanksgiving this year! Bare faced cheek of the woman! 😤
BeachinLife1 wrote:
"She’s made comments about my weight, my grief, my job, and once told me my mom was “probably watching me mess up from heaven.”
Here is your reply: "She's made comments about my weight, my grief, and once told me that my mom was probably watching me mess up from Heaven. If that's not "mocking someone's feelings, I don't know what is."
"If she's embarrassed, it's due to her own behavior and treatment of me. Maybe if she'd been a little kinder to me, I might be able to drum up a few feelings for her, but...nope, I got nothing."
obscurereferencefox wrote:
She seems mean and presumptuous, but does laughing at her help improve the relationship? Obviously she's the one that needs to mature and obviously you and your husband name the child what you want, but what sort of relationship do you want to set up between your daughter and her grandmother?
Not to say name the daughter after her, but maybe respond in the loving way you'd like to be responded to? Family is important even when they are obnoxious.