'AITA for calling my ex's struggles karma after she chose her manipulative friend over me?' UPDATED

"AITA for calling my ex's struggles karma after she chose her manipulative friend over me?"

I'm 28M who was dating Kelly (27F) for three years, planning to propose with an engagement ring and a luxury vacation. However, her best friend, Nat (27F), was always a problem.

From the start, Nat disliked me and tried to break us up by falsely accusing me of cheating and convincing Kelly I was controlling. This caused many arguments, but Kelly always defended Nat.

Earlier this year I reached my limit. We were celebrating my birthday, and Kelly invited Nat despite my objections. Nat dominated the conversation, talking about her financial issues. I asked Kelly to intervene, but when she tried, Nat accused her of not caring and then attacked me, calling me controlling. I lost my temper, calling her a "manipulative b-word."

The day was ruined, and back home, I gave Kelly an ultimatum: either me or Nat. Kelly argued it was unfair to make her choose. We fought, and when Kelly said I provoked Nat by insulting her, I told her to leave. After threatening to call the cops, she finally left.

I packed all of Kelly's belongings, including everything I had bought for her since she had lived off my money for two years. I texted her to pick up her things, and when she arrived, I handed them over without speaking.

Later, Nat texted, calling me a jerk for keeping the gifts. Kelly also texted, calling me stingy. Angry, I sent her photos of the expensive engagement ring and vacation tickets I had bought to show what she missed out on because of Nat. Then, I blocked her.

Last year Kelly showed up at my place, looking awful, and begged me to take her back. She admitted she had made a huge mistake. After we broke up, she got her own apartment but realized how manipulative Nat was.

Nat kept guilt-tripping her into giving her money and eventually moved in with Kelly after getting evicted. Things got worse—Nat started using, invited shady people over, and Kelly noticed cash and valuables, including her grandmother’s necklace, were stolen.

When she confronted Nat, Kelly was evicted because of Nat’s behavior. Now homeless, jobless, and broke, Kelly apologized, saying she would do anything to get back together.

I felt a sense of satisfaction and told her it was karma for choosing Nat over me. I asked her to leave, threatening to call the police if she didn’t. Kelly told mutual friends, and they think I was too harsh given her situation.

They suggest I apologize or even consider taking her back. Now, I’m conflicted. Should I apologize to keep the peace with my friends, or am I justified in not taking her back or apologizing? AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Trailsya

NTA. Lol, dude, you did everything right. And don't let that moron (Kelly) back in your life either. I love how you laughed in her face basically. She FAFO. As for your "friends". remind/tell them she chose a woman over you. Don't apologize. Please don't. But seriously, if your friends persist, block them and find better friends. Probably best to get away from kelly's trashy circle anyway.

cosmiccabbage36

NTA. You were entirely justified in what you did, and Nat received what she deserved. Sometimes, karma can be a real b*t

Ethereal_RaVennn

NTA. Karma is a dish best served cold. Looks like Kelly got a taste of her own medicine by choosing a toxic friend over a loving partner. You dodged a bullet there, my friend.

Sea_Comparison_6543

Kelly’s realizing her BFF’s a train wreck, and suddenly, she wants you back? Yeah, no thanks. You dodged a bullet. Her life falling apart isn’t your problem, it’s her karma. Your friends might feel bad for her, but you don’t owe anyone an apology or a second chance. You are definitely NTA. You set boundaries, she picked chaos. No take backs on that.

Dipshitistan

NTA. She showed you she cannot make a good choice to save her life. Why would you want that energy in your life?

NaughtyxAvie

You are NTA for not taking Kelly back. While it's understandable to feel some sympathy for her situation, you are not obligated to help someone who repeatedly chose a toxic friend over you and treated you poorly.

elsamillerrr

NTA. Kelly made her choice, and unfortunately, she has to face the consequences of prioritizing someone toxic over your relationship. You’re not obligated to take her back or apologize after everything that happened. It's natural to feel some satisfaction after being treated unfairly.

brenda_meevazquez

Honestly, this sounds like a plot straight out of a cheesy romantic comedy where the manipulative friend finally gets what's coming to them. Good for you for standing your ground and not taking Kelly back.

She made her choice and now has to deal with the consequences. And as for the mutual friends who are pressuring you to apologize, just remind them of the bruises Kelly's manipulative friend left on your face. That's no laughing matter.

Scary-Cycle1508

NTA,
The mutual friends can offer her some place to stay, but make it absolutely clear that you will never take her bac and that yes indeed Kellys situation is all thanks to her decisions.

Later OP came back with this edit:

Edit 1: Thanks for all your opinions and suggestions. I've decided to talk to Kelly once and for all and tell her to leave me alone. I'm gonna apologise for taking pleasure in her misery not to please my friends but just because I want to get over with this as soon as possible.

I've set up a meeting at a busy public place tomorrow. I also took the advice of my elder sister. I've always turned to her for advice. I'll update and let you guys know how the talk goes. I'm hoping to close this chapter of my life forever. Peace ✌️

Then OP came back with this update:

Update 1: Hey guys! I'm back. I took some suggestions from the comments and met Kelly a few hours after writing the post. I realised by reading a few comments that I was in the wrong for holding my financial problems as a point of contention. I told Kelly that I was sorry for how I responded to hearing her struggles, I also said that I had struggled to come to terms with the fact she had chosen Nat over me

I said that it was not possible for us to get back together but that I would help her for old times sake.I've decided to help her with the rent for a small place for 6 months. I told her not to get her hopes up about getting back together.I also told her that if she got involved with Nat again, I would have no choice but to withdraw my support

She got really emotional and apologised for everything that happened and promised to stay away from Nat.She expressed her gratitude and told me that she'll respect my wishes this time.We parted on a good note with her thanking me for caring for her after everything she had done. A few mutual friends came to know about our talk a few minutes after we parted. Some called and chastised me for not taking her back

I was done with them at that point. I've cut the 3 of them who said that I was an entitled jerk for not taking her back.I'm hoping that this is the last update. I might update a few months later if anything develops but hopefully Nat stays out of the way this time.