Law student 'forbids' her partner from going to a concert, 'I give him an allowance.' AITA?
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"AITA for not 'allowing' my partner to go to a concert?"
My partner (25NB) and me (22F) live together. We have had financial issues for just shy of about a year now because his ex filed child support and they sent the mail to the wrong address so he didn’t get notified. His wages are garnished and he is actively going through the system to correct the backpay and the amount he owes, but his wages are being garnished 60%.
He currently brings home about $1000 every month. I work full time and I am covering the majority of bills. I am also graduating undergrad and going to law school. I’ve paid everything for law school thus far and it’s been expensive. Here’s the breakdown:
Rent: $1600, Utilities: $150 Groceries: $500. He has a $260 car payment and $120 insurance. I cover all of my own insurance and own my car. He sends me about $400-600 each month, usually the lower end, to cover his half of expenses.
He’s usually about $800 short of what he owes with specific math just on rent and utilities not including groceries. It’s been 9 months. I got into a law school that requires me to go down a few times a year.
It’s online so I can keep my job. We want to go to a concert, Aftershock, which overlaps with some of the dates that I need to go down. I already bought the tickets. I said we should cancel because it’s almost $3500 for tickets, accommodation, and food. He wants to go and “save up” his allowance that I let him keep (about $50 a month) so he can go and sleep in his car.
I told him absolutely not. It’s the principle of it. Anyone else who can’t pay their rent would go homeless, not to a concert. He’s saying it’s simple math and I “give” him the allowance anyway so why does it matter how he uses it.
I think it’s disgusting and selfish of him to think like this. I’m financing his life and think it’s the principle of the matter that he can’t go until his finances are stabilized. He’s repeatedly threatening our relationship over this.
Here's what people had to say about this one:
Additional_Mood_7997 said:
I'm glad to hear that you two aren't married. The breakup will be painful, but a divorce would have been worse. Let me add: I have been an undergrad, I have gone to law school, and I have been (and am) employed full time.
I'm not sure how someone can do all three of those things at once without doing them all very badly. NTA, I guess, but you probably need to rethink a lot of things in your life.
mavenmim said:
It doesn’t sound like you can afford to be his sugar mommy. He’s financially exploiting you. NTA.
Chops526 said:
$3500 for a concert even if your finances were comfortable seems like an extravagance to me. It's not about being allowed, it's about fiscal responsibility. It sucks, but once he's out of his hole, your partner will feel so free when they can make choices like this. NTA.
Mandapie424 said:
You are NTA but you probably shouldn’t have bought the tix in the first place. And you are feeding a monster that is just going to get out of control. Sounds like it’s already there. Don’t be with a man that won’t or can’t prioritize finances or take care of his kid without being legally required to.
Hidinginplainsightaw said:
NTA. A 25y/o man requiring an allowance from his partner is just ridiculous. You really need to teach your partner some financial literacy or you guys will be homeless soon.
Not only is he making basically no money he has no concept of money in general or the impact his decisions will have on you as his partner. Let him ruin his life alone and don't go down with him, having a leech in your life will set you back decades.
Mummyto4 said:
NTA. Your partner is minimally contributing to the finances as it is while he sorts out his child support arrears, (which could easily go back into arrears again and again if he doesn't keep up the regular payments.) He should only enjoy the concert if he helps pay for it.