'AITA for leaving home after my husband said I should cover all the costs of IVF?'
"AITA for leaving home after my husband said I should cover all the costs of IVF?"
Sorry for any mistakes in advance, I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We've been trying for so long to have a child but haven't been able to do it. We've tried many methods and nothing worked. The mental toll would be a lot for us so we'd take some time before we try again.
A friend of mine suggested we try IVF and I told my husband. He agreed to the suggestion but the cost kind of had him hesitating. IVF sessions are costly Yes, but me and my husband have enough savings to afford them. I spoke to him again about it and he said he wasn't sure we should take this route.
He pointed out how one session isn't guaranteed and that we'd have to pay for more. Again, I mentioned how he and I can afford it with our money combined, he looked at me intently then told me that "logically", since I'm the cause of infertility then he thought that I should handle the cost of IVF sessions by myself.
I was shocked I couldn't even muster a response to what he said. He said it to my face straight. I felt so hurt I exploded on him and he acted like I was being unreasonable, and then said he was not obligated to pay for "my own medical issues". I lost it and decided to pack my stuff and go stay with my mother.
No response from him after that. Just a text stating "truth hurts" that he sent when I rejected his phone call. I got blamed by family saying I'm overriding his feelings and that he had the right to open up about how he felt when I kept pushing him about the IVF.
Especially, considering his mental health state from being able to become a father which is a human right that he has. Yes, I do take responsibility for my infertility but this was too much. Did I overreact? Was I wrong for taking a stance against what he said and leaving?
Edit for clarification, I'm the one struggling with infertility due to other medical issues I have.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
No, you didn't overreact. Your husband's comments were incredibly hurtful and insensitive. It's a shared journey, not just your "medical issue." You deserve support and understanding, not blame.
LeatherRequirement59 OP responded:
Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to me as I'd begun questioning myself lately thinking maybe there's something that I'm failing to see in his argument.
"truth hurts"? OMG op this cannot be the first time he has been so cruel. I think this relationship has run its course. Please leave him and find a real man.
LeatherRequirement59 OP responded:
It's the first time he says something as cruel as this. To be honest, he'd say some hurtful things when we fight like when he said that he should've married someone else to have kids instead. but this statement was years ago and he apologized for it and we moved on.
One of the reasons why I kept pushing to have kids with him is because I love him and we've been together for so long. He was always the source of my support in time of need but then things started to slowly fall apart in our marriage and I know that it's because of not having kids.
NTA. probably he doesn't even want children - at least not as much as you.
LeatherRequirement59 OP responded:
Honestly, I thought about this possibility but I refused to consider it since it scared me and he can be dishonest about his feelings sometimes.
Not at all, it’s a shared experience and should be a shared expense.
LeatherRequirement59 OP responded:
He said he didn't feel obligated to pay since he was "in the clear" medically.
"considering his mental health state from being able to become a father which is a human right that he has." Did anyone not see this sentence? Run girl, run.